Coming to Cooperstown? Better Show Up Hat in Hand

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youppi.jpgWhen the National Baseball Hall of Fame Musoleum and Wonder Emporium announced earlier today that recent electee Andre Dawson would enter as member of the Montreal Expos, many were excited. We Canucks are a parochial bunch, quick to pat ourselves on the back in lieu of a loving tap on the head from our proud poppas to the south.

The inconvenient aside that Dawson wants no part of any Expos cap is surely independent of the valuable merchandising dollars a blue and red "C" entails. Dawson should consider himself fortunate the Hall keepers didn't actually, you know, reconsider his admission as marginal and adorn his bust with a helicopter beanie.

Dawson isn't the first place to disagree with the Hall choice of headwear. Gary "The Glorywhore" Carter attempted to erase all memory of La Belle Province in exchange for a Mets hat with brim-mounted mirrors. Ty Cobb couldn't quite explain the type of hat for his bust, though "pointy", "white", and "sheet" were mentioned between the epithets. The writers held Babe Ruth and his larger-than-life, party-all-the-time persona in such high esteem they considered lobbying for the Babe to sport not a ball cap but a lampshade, or even a 20 piece bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Mickey Mantle's statue, it is little known, features not a Yankees hat but Captain Morgan-styled tricorne.

Based solely on the reaction of many ex-players to Mark McGwire's admission of drug use, I expect numerous petitions to the Hall board to replace their bronze hats with glistening golden halos, each one more sanctimonious than the last. Unless some brave soul throws the greenie doors open. Expect a lot of these hats in the aftermath of that unlikely event.

Unfortunate as the missed earnings for Mr. Dawson and missed baseball team for the city of Montreal both are; the logo on the hat scratched into bronze doesn't sentence you to a lifetime of servitude in said city's honor. Only Andre Dawson knows to which team his heart belongs. Just as only Andre Dawson can provide authentic, autographed photos in a skin tight Cubs uniform! Only $19.95, $59.95 to include a signed ball.

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Gary Sheffield wants to go in wearing his New Jack-era Malcolm X cap.

I have Jim Palmer's autograph on a ball. All it cost me was admission to a minor league baseball game and a short lecture on heart disease or prostate cancer or some crap like that.


Gary Carter should have been inducted with a canoe paddle upside his head.


Fire up the dancing monkey! Yankees sign Randy Winn, Randy fucking Winn. Wow.

Chairman's Chapeau Change Chafes Choosy Character

Blyleven will wear whatever cap will get him an invite.

Bob Feller's hat? A Nazi scalp.

Bob Feller's cap? A bloody Nazi scalp.

Stupid commenting system!

Guy Clark wears no cap.

On the agenda tonight: my crack at the Jeopardy test, and then watching Catshirt's Seminoles get swept by Duke. (Thank God we don't gotta play in Tallahoochee this year).

I fear no Devil. Especially with my sore throat remedy of Hot Water, Evan Williams and honey in hand. Go Noles.

For $99.95, he'll sign both balls.

Kris, you need a remedy of diesel and dust? Something you can taste with a fix you can trust?


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