Roger Maris Would Like You to Play with his Marbles - 1961

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This week's Classic TV Friday sees former home run record holder Roger Maris making the most of his time in the spotlight. Enjoy Maris pitching a tabletop baseball game that includes so many projectiles and tiny parts dying to disappear down the gullet of children there is no chance you'd get it on the market today.

It's interesting that Maris had the prescience to sidle up to the home gaming market. Although Maris could have been relegated to the tinny baseball game racket as his higher-profile teammates clambered to hock airborne and contagious cancer if the price was right. Speaking of health, Maris himself looks spry and energized. The ravages of a steady diet of methamphetamines hunting down ghosts and fighting off drunks hadn't yet rendered his face a sallow wisp of its former self.

Unsurprisingly, this game fetches a pretty penny on the collectors market. Likely due to collectors of such arcane trash being dentists or chiropractors trying to slap their heart rate into triple digits for the first time in weeks. That said, the two kids in this commercial turn in epic performances. Their steely-eyed concentration belies the utter lack of skill this game surely requires.

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Every time you hit a homerun in the game, your father boos you.

It really is amazing how much he looks like Barry Pepper. Or vice versa. whatever.

The reason they shook hands at the end? The winner got to go feel up the loser's sister.

Meh. McGwire would have crushed him in marbles, or jacks for that matter. Maris probably wins in lack of shrunken testicles and back dermatology, though.

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