Shut down your Facebook account, wipe clean your Twitter follows, and nuke your MyBuzzFriendsterSpaces: the only social networking you'll need to do for the next eight months is following comic genius Ozzie Guillen on Twitter. The White Sox manager made his headfirst dive into the world of 140-character-updates just last night and he's already enlisted the hearts and minds of thousands of followers.
Ozzie doesn't have the official Twitter badge that verifies his identity just yet, but this social media lady, who works with the White Sox and the loquacious Shaquille O'Neal, says it's the real deal. And who am I to doubt a person whose job it is to "develop measurable digital & social media strategies"? Ick, I feel gross just copying and pasting that.
So in the spirit of the laziness that pervades this new Twitter feature at Walkoff Walk, here are some screenshots of Ozzie's twoots presented with as little commentary as possible:
Ozzie followed up this gem by saying "3 day of Spring Training and im already boreddddddd". Really, Oz, you can't be nearly as bored about Spring Training as those of us who follow the inane comments spewing from the beat writers' Twitter feeds. "Player X is here". "Player Y is doing some light jogging". "I just saw Player Z pick up a baseball". Social media, f**k yeah!
Try mini-golf instead, Ozzie. The only tiresome part of that is figuring out where to put the little scorecard when you're going to putt. Why don't miniature golf places have miniature caddies?
Yeah, seriously, why Dye no have job? I heard the Peoria In-N-Out is hiring fry cooks.
BBQ at Ozzie's house! Who's going to bring the errant wieners?
Of course you feel relaxed, Ozzie. Being a baseball manager is probably the easiest top level job in professional sports, save for general manager of the Houston Astros. Step one: sign ex-Phillies Step two: ... Step three: profit!
UPDATE: Apparently, the person pushing the buttons on the Ozzie Guillen Twitter account is his kid, Ozzie Jr. This does not take away from my enjoyment of said account.