This Tweet in Baseball: Your Weekly Update on the Sport's Twits

| | Comments (19)

Welcome to the second edition of "This Tweet in Baseball", where I scan the baseballtweetosphere for the silly and inane thoughts of people far more talented than I and then make fun of them because I am jealous of their wild success. Won't you join me in the gutter?

Marlins outfielder Chris Coghlan, who has chats with God while lolling around in the outfield, likes to proselytize with his Tweets. What else would you expect from a dude whose handle is "cogz4Christ"? (the username "cogz4Donuts" was already taken). Chris and his buddy Jesus were up early this week to fight the good fight against the Dark Lord:

Aussie pitcher Ryan Rowland-Smith has an extreme distaste for reality shows that objectify women and make them grovel for rich dudes and their money. The enlightened Ryan prefers more progressive and intellectually stimulating reality programming like "America's Next Top Feminist" and "Who Wants To Be a Suffragist?":

Juicehead gorilla Jose Canseco is getting back in the MMA business, people, but this time he'll be prepared. Dummy thinks he can beat recent MMA champion Herschel Walker, despite the fact that he got walloped by a seven-foot Chinese dude in his first fight, and then he got demolished by former Philadelphia Eagle Vai Sikahema in a boxing match. But hey, this time Jose steps into the Octagon, he'll at least be prepared to fold like a cheap suit:

John Baker recently flew back from a trip to Iraq, and boy, are his arms tired. Wait, John, that's not face wash either!!!!

Nats pitcher Mike Bacsik is recovering from the recent controversy over whether or not he grooved a pitch to Barry Bonds that resulted in a historic tater tot. No matter, Mike's just gonna sit down with his daughter, watch some Nickelodeon, and not give a hoot what you think about him enjoying tween programming:

My second favorite Pirate named McCutchen is a new player in the real estate game and doesn't realize that it's usually smart to keep your cards close to your chest. Dan, some advice for you: find this lady. Don't worry that she's Canadian. Use her, she's a vicious pit bull when it comes to real estate. You're welcome.

Either Jason Grilli hates the CBS sitcom "Big Bang Theory" as much as I do or he is besmirching centuries of scientific fact in favor of the fictional idea of creationism. I hope it's the former, Jason:

Some dame named Kate was watching Nick Swisher guest star on "How I Met Your Mother" in the same room as Nick Swisher. You're through the looking-glass, Kate! Anyway, she captured this grainy photo of the dopey Swisher reacting to seeing himself on the TV box. Thanks for the historical record of that moment:

And what would This Tweet in Baseball be without an appearance from everyone's favorite large, loquacious Lasorda, once again congratulating himself for being famous:

Yes, Tommy, it's always all about you.

PREVIOUS: Next Yankees Crossover: A.J. Burnett Meets Harlem Globetrotters!   |   NEXT: Classic TV Friday Bilingual Double Feature - Johnny Bench & Fernando Valenzuela


It's not wrong to like iCarly. However, it is wrong to masturbate to it.

Please let this Herschel/Jose fight happen, I would love to see a Dawg beat the ever living crap out of emo Jose.

I think iCarly is better than Lost. And no, I'm not joking.

That Sam is so kooky!

CORRECTION: *Spencer* is kooky. Sam is mean!

Herschel Walker/Jose Canseco absolutely needs to happen. And don't mince words in the marketing - be direct and call it "The Train Wreck Of The Year!!!"

I don't get MMA, but I would totally pay to see that Herschel/Canseco fight. Cogz v. Satan would make a fine undercard.

I wish I spent my days battling Satan FOR THE CHANCE TO BED THE STARS OF iCARLY!

Gross. I feel shame.

Is Coghlan talking about THE Satan, or is he referring to Miroslav Satan, one-time Buffalo Sabre and star of NHL '01?

Also, he chose Cogz4Christ because Cogz4Cogswell was already taken. JETSOOOOOONNN!

Speaking of baseball & Twitter, which do you think will happen first: beat writer tweeting about In & Out or beat writer complaining about being at Spring Training?

In that case, he was talking about Steve Satan, CFO of Spacely Sprockets. @Sprockets666

Beat writers laughing at/complaining about Floridian drivers/culture/despair is my personal favorite part of Spring Training.

Rob's obsession with Nick Swisher continues.

DOB, Atlanta's beat writer has already complained about missing a MMJ concert because he'll be on a road trip with the team.

that's right, we have a beat writer who likes my morning jacket

We also have a beat writer who is continously wrong about everything except music.

Furcal, Peavy, and Griffey Jr. have no idea what you mean Artie.

You gotta love Coghlan's attitude. Not only does he spend every day in a life-or-death battle with a supernatural being of all-consuming evil whose power is eclipsed only by god almighty himself, but he considers it a blessing to do so.

In honor of this year's most pious ROY (I heard Andrew Bailey considers it a chore to battle Satan), here's Gram Parsons in a rehearsal version of "I Like the Christian Life" from my favorite Byrds album:

Coghlan’s law: Always use two exclamation points!!

Walker has never been an MMA champion. It was his first fight and he won via shoulder/armpit punches.

He is, howevee, champion of our hearts.

As "Walkoff Walk's Resident MMA Tolerant", I just like to formally invite Jose Canseco to the Heist this year. I'm pretty sure any random blogger could stomp him.

Leave a comment