Welcome to the second edition of "This Tweet in Baseball", where I scan the baseballtweetosphere for the silly and inane thoughts of people far more talented than I and then make fun of them because I am jealous of their wild success. Won't you join me in the gutter?
Marlins outfielder Chris Coghlan, who has chats with God while lolling around in the outfield, likes to proselytize with his Tweets. What else would you expect from a dude whose handle is "cogz4Christ"? (the username "cogz4Donuts" was already taken). Chris and his buddy Jesus were up early this week to fight the good fight against the Dark Lord:
Aussie pitcher Ryan Rowland-Smith has an extreme distaste for reality shows that objectify women and make them grovel for rich dudes and their money. The enlightened Ryan prefers more progressive and intellectually stimulating reality programming like "America's Next Top Feminist" and "Who Wants To Be a Suffragist?":
Juicehead gorilla Jose Canseco is getting back in the MMA business, people, but this time he'll be prepared. Dummy thinks he can beat recent MMA champion Herschel Walker, despite the fact that he got walloped by a seven-foot Chinese dude in his first fight, and then he got demolished by former Philadelphia Eagle Vai Sikahema in a boxing match. But hey, this time Jose steps into the Octagon, he'll at least be prepared to fold like a cheap suit:
John Baker recently flew back from a trip to Iraq, and boy, are his arms tired. Wait, John, that's not face wash either!!!!
Nats pitcher Mike Bacsik is recovering from the recent controversy over whether or not he grooved a pitch to Barry Bonds that resulted in a historic tater tot. No matter, Mike's just gonna sit down with his daughter, watch some Nickelodeon, and not give a hoot what you think about him enjoying tween programming:
My second favorite Pirate named McCutchen is a new player in the real estate game and doesn't realize that it's usually smart to keep your cards close to your chest. Dan, some advice for you: find this lady. Don't worry that she's Canadian. Use her, she's a vicious pit bull when it comes to real estate. You're welcome.
Either Jason Grilli hates the CBS sitcom "Big Bang Theory" as much as I do or he is besmirching centuries of scientific fact in favor of the fictional idea of creationism. I hope it's the former, Jason:
Some dame named Kate was watching Nick Swisher guest star on "How I Met Your Mother" in the same room as Nick Swisher. You're through the looking-glass, Kate! Anyway, she captured this grainy photo of the dopey Swisher reacting to seeing himself on the TV box. Thanks for the historical record of that moment:
And what would This Tweet in Baseball be without an appearance from everyone's favorite large, loquacious Lasorda, once again congratulating himself for being famous:
Yes, Tommy, it's always all about you.