Here Is A Wound That Will Never Heal, I Know: Today's Afternoon Games

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  • Royals at Tigers, 1:05: The Tigers are off to a 5-1 start and have the good fortune of playing the Royals for the second time in this young season. Max Scherzer, who pitched 6 innings of one hit ball against KC (in what turned out to be Detroit's only loss) gets another crack today. Luke Ho Shaver starts for the Royals.

  • Brewers at Cubs, 2:20: Laverne and Shirley must have put in some overtime at the Old Style factory this weekend getting ready for today's Wrigley home opener. I'd say there are a lot of Cubs fans playing hooky today, but the late Lee Elia reminds us that none of them have jobs anyway. The woeful Cubs offense will at least get to take its cracks against Doug Davis, reminding me of the old joke about the abused child a judge he wanted to go live with Doug Davis because he can't beat anyone. Ryan Dempster on the hill for Chicago.

  • Rangers at Indians, 3:05: Fausto Carmona may need to take a few pointers from Faust on making a deal to win today's game. In 8 starts against Texas, dude has allowed 62 baserunners and 27 ER in 40 IP. ANd the rangers took rubber from Seattle over the weekend with 18 runs in that 3 game series. Rich Harden needs to be more efficient in his second Rangers start after walking 5 through 3.2 his first time out this year. Every inning counts with that guy.

  • Nationals at Phillies, 3:05: Fresh off a weekend of slapping around the hapless Astros, Washington comes to town looking like the '27 Yankees in comparison. They took 2 out of 3 from the Mets over the weekend and handed Philly their only loss, a 6-5 squeaker last Thursday. Riggleman? No, Rigglemania. It'll be Jason Marquis vs. Whole Camels. Ryan Zimmerman out for a second consecutive game with a creampuffed hammy. I'd expect lots of people in Philly to be playing hooky for the home opener, but well, you know.

  • Red Sox at Twins, 4:10: It's the regular season debut of Target Field and all it's various foodstuffs. It's 57 and sunny today in the Twin Cities making the weather just about as nice as anywhere outdoor baseball is playing today. So pour that down your pop hole, naysayers. Jon Lester takes on former Sox farmhand and Yankee legend, Carl Pavano.

  • Astros at Cardinals, 4:15: The bottom feeding Astros are in town for the Cards home opener, which is like when major college football teams schedule tiny 1-AA schools for their homecoming games. Wandy Rodriguez takes the hill for the visitors against Adam Wainwright. Barring anything unusual, like the Astros scoring a run, The Best Fans In Baseballâ„¢ should be cramming multiple chili dogs through grins.

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All those name jokes and no "Dick Harden"? For shame, Catshirt. For shame.

Jimmy Rollins is literally missing.

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