Let Lou Piniella Tell You About His Box

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Box, box, boxy box box. Like a diamond, the word "box" is simply constructed and clear yet contains many individual facets and meanings that reveal it's true beauty and versatility. Other than it's traditional "container" or geometric references, this Merriam-Webster definition lists like 6 other meanings.

Nowhere is "box" pounded harder than in corporate nothingspeak when someone making a non-traditional choice is said to be "thinking outside the box." In fact if you hear someone saying "thinking outside the box" they are using a term so tired and devoid of punch that they're squarely in the center of said box. With the Cubs having won three in a row since Lou Piniella moved struggling ace Carlos Zambrano to the bullpen, the skipper's disdain for coming up with ideas whilst inside of a a rigid, typically rectangular container with or without a cover is being praised far and wide. Well, mostly he rambled on about it this weekend himself.

"I think you better think out of the box here at times," Piniella said.

"I think [thinking] out of the box is a good thing," Piniella said. "Look, things change. Sometimes you leave Spring Training one way, and all of a sudden something happens and you have to adjust to it, whether it's pitching, whether it's position players, whether it's the bench.

"Things change, and they never stay the same for 162 games," he said. "Unless you're awfully good and awfully deep, you better think outside the box sometimes. If you don't, you'll get beat up."

"My job description is to win baseball games, as many as I can, and at the same time to do what's best for the baseball team. That's all I'm doing and that's all I'm trying to do. You better be able to think outside of the box."

That's from an MLB.com article titled, "Piniella proving to think outside the box" which is about the most in-box headline possible since Smilin' Lou said it 76 times in the piece. Gordon Wittemeyer of the Sun-Times used the same quotes and titled his piece "Leaping outside the box" which I take to mean that Piniella's ideas are so radically anti-box that simply thinking outside of it won't do. He must propel himself skyward using only the force of his own groundbreaking thoughts, like a Phoenix rising from Arizona. It is also a lame title.

At least Wittemeyer has the good sense to note that Zambrano has only pitched one inning during the Cubs' recent streak. So while all of this contrarian nonsense may be good bulletin board material for the next managers meeting at Fox & Obel, it hasn't really contributed to the club's success other than it may have kept Zambrano from blowing another start.


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The last time I thought outside the box, I ended up in the frying pan.

Lou Piniella's thinking outside the box and I can't find my wallet.

Lou Piniella's thinking about thinking and I think I need a beer.

Porno star arrives.
No English, no money.
Two things: A cock like a stallion
And an iron will.
He becomes famous.
It's a kind of fame
You can never understand.
Full-a, full-a, full-a full-a
Cocaine and cosmetics,
Mafiosi and prosthetics.

Back in the box!(x5)


Lou Piniella's gonna leave this synergy to bake a bit and then blue sky it for maximum mission critical cutting edge thinkspeakerating.

Pinella also thought outside the bun with a tortada, which is not a sandwich.

Piniella and Jim Hendry had a massive ideation sesh, where they banged out a dozen or so goal-driven action points. The first? More naked press conferences.

I'm hungry for some Jack in the Box after reading that.


Great, now I'm going to be listening to Alice in Chains the rest of the day.

Ed, I think you just found your song idea for the Cubs.

Oh, believe me, UU, this will DEFINITELY be in the lyrics somewhere.

I'm the man in the box / buried in my shit

If ever there was a lyric more descriptive of Cubs fans, I have yet to read it.

Whenever I think outside the box I just jizz on her stomach instead.

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