Opening Day Lineupstravaganza, Phillies @ Nationals, 1:05PM

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Remember when the very first game of the year was played in Cincinnati? Well, even ignoring the ESPN Sunday Night East Coast Bias Clash of Resplendence, the defending World F'ing Runners Up and the Struggling Strasburgs face off five minutes before the opening pitch out in Ohio. Way to steal Zombie Marge Schott's thunder, President Obama.

Yes, the second most exciting part about this game (after Meech and his minions make their drunken way down Interstate 95 to harass the locals on the Red Porch) is Barack Obama throwing out the ceremonial first pitch. Will he bounce the pitch? Or will he connect with 46-year-old Ivan Rodriguez with a 46 MPH strike? TUNE IN TO FIND OUT.

Here are your lineups for today's very first game:

Jimmy Rollins, SSNyjer Morgan, CF
Placido Polanco, 3BWillie Harris, RF
Chase Utley, 2BRyan Zimmerman, 3B
Ryan Howard, 1BAdam Dunn, 1B
Jayson Werth, RFJosh Willingham, LF
Raul Ibanez, LFAdam Kennedy, 2B
Shane Victorino, CFIvan Rodriguez, C
Carlos Ruiz, CIan Desmond, SS
Roy Halladay, PJohn Lannan, P

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Rob, in accordance with internet sports rules, no Philadelphia-Washington story today is allowed to run without mention of Donovan McNabb. Please revise.

I was really hoping Chris Coste was going to get to catch Obama's first pitch.

Any Phillies fan (or Jerkwheat or MDT) who gets a photo taken with Screech's Best Friend and/or The African Queen wins $5. And the right to have their photo stolen by me and posted here.

Sadly, due to Typical Washington Clusterfuckery we didn't even get into the park for the First First Pitch.

Weather was beautiful, though /deargodwesuck

It's George Bush's fault that the ball didn't cross the plate. Also, the ball is white and clearly racist.

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