This Tweet in Baseball: Opening Day Has Come and Gone

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Opening Day has come and gone, but we can still relive our favorite baseball players' Tweets in the latest edition of This Tweet in Baseball. Please join me in poking fun at people whose job description certainly does not include social media and/or using spelling and grammar properly:

Texas Rangers middle reliever C.J. Wilson wonders why the good people at Twitter took away his 'verified status', making Twitter users worldwide wonder if, indeed, this is the real C.J. Wilson. Here's a hint: if he's talking about weird health foods and silly extreme sports, you know you've got the right guy. Either way: verified status is for closers, C.J.


Padres slugger Matt Antonelli feels the same way I do about former Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler, whose spent the past few days trolling the stands and broadcast booths at Fenway Park. Dude looks like someone's nana.


Marlins sophomore outfielder Chris Coghlan spent the past week getting his Twitter sheep to vote on a new song to play over the PA as he strolls up to the plate to ground out. In a real dick move, he ended up keeping the same one from last year, but the auditioning process was nevertheless quite stringent:


Although Big Papi cannot keep his language safe for children's ears when responding to a-hole reporters in the clubhouse, he keeps it clean when dictating his Tweets and Facebook updates to his personal assistant. David Ortiz is a real team player, hyping the success of his team over his own individual failure to actually collect a hit:


Royals star Billy Butler got a bad haircut so he asked his wife to clean it up with a Flowbee. She really screwed it up, so if you see him walking around looking like it's his first day at Parris Island, you'll know why.


Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda also wanted to neaten up his 'do for Opening Week, but he went to his favorite dago barber in Midtown New York. I do have to agree with Tom, though: Italian barbers are the best. Where else can you get your quiff trimmed, place a bet on a few horse races, and page through the latest issues of Penthouse and Hustler, all in one place?


Marlins catcher John Baker was also in NYC for the week and was very disappointed to find out that his favorite Broadway show was canceled due to an electrical fire down the block. No worries, John took a romantic carriage ride through Central Park with Jorge Cantu instead.


Finally, I know it's not politically correct to poke fun at someone whose first language is not English. I realize that having a laugh at Ozzie Guillen's expense because he made a tiny spelling mistake on a Tweet is probably quite infantile of me. And yes, I get it: I'm just cherry-picking a silly slip-up from an otherwise smart manager to make me look funny. So be it, I couldn't help but laugh:



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11 Comments

I love this feature.

Matt Antonelli's inspirational tweet proves to us all that athletes truly are people, too.

Ozzie is the best thing to happen to twitter

Looks like Pat's marriage is already in trouble.

One bummer about the season starting, @jasonheyward has shut down his once active Twitter account. I guess he's now too big to chat with me about dumb shit. http://twitter.com/JasonHeyward/status/9754163024

What would happen to Cogz if he walked out to a non-Christian band? Excommunication? How does it work?

@njpan, I think 10 Hail Mary's should cover it. Seriously, it would be hilarious if a park where the Marlins were at played "666" by Iron Maiden when Cogs walked to the plate.

I don't know who Gage is but she sounds like a lucky lady.

@UU
SIX! SIX SIX! THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST!!!

Shouldn't Angel Pagan be walking up to the plate to that song?

@Ed, \m/

Somebody should get The Braves Organist on that, see what he can do.

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