Today's Afternoon Games

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There's a ton of afternoon baseball today! Do your part to lower America's productivity and watch them today instead of working.

Cardinals at Reds, 12:35 p.m. Brad Penny makes his first start for St. Louis, while the Reds counter with Bronson Arroyo. Arroyo is totally going to hit a homer today. Shit. Would you believe a double?

Dodgers at Pirates, 12:35 p.m. The Pirates are 2-0! The Pirates are 2-0! The last time the Pirates were 2-0, the economy sucked and George W. Bush was president. Okay, so that was only 2007, so let's not print playoff tickets just yet. Ronny Cedeno had a walkoff single last night with the bases loaded. Clearly, he hates this website.

Blue Jays at Rangers, 2:05 p.m. Oh, look, famous Twitter user str8edgeracer is pitching for the Rangers today. Toronto counters with Ricky Romero, who will be pitching drunk.

Tigers at Royals, 2:10 p.m. Dontrelle Willis (look how fat he looks in his headshot!) makes his first start of the season against Brian Barrister, constant subject of Joe Posnanski blog posts. Expect a 15-13 game.

Mariners at Athletics, 3:35 p.m. The Athletics also had a walkoff win last night, when Kurt Suzuki doubled home Kevin Kouzmanoff from first. If the bases had been loaded, Suzuki probably would have taken the four balls, unlike that jerk Cedeno.

Phillies at Nationals, 4:35 p.m. Ryan Howard, currently on pace for 162 home runs, and the Phils send noted barista Kyle Kendrick to the mound against Craig Stammen. The Phillies lead the league in run differential two games into the season, but they have played the Nationals twice.

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I am 100% terrified/excited/afraid/ecstatic about D-Train's 2010 debut this afternoon.

Barrister? I hardly know her

Fister is pitching for the Mariners today so I was prepared to make the "Fister, hardly know her" comment but you didn't mention him so I had to go with Barrister

Fister? Chip Caray's favorite player

Craig Stammen is pitching on the first day of Allergypocalypse 2010? That's like stamen with an extra M, which means this whole thing is the work of the IlluMinati.

/does OK hand symbol over right eye
/burns dollar bill
/cranks Lady Gaga

str8edgeracer? But I hardly know 'er!

Is this Bill Simmons' Masters liveglog?

psssst nick, it's the left eye.

oh shit, I just blew my Chilluminati cover.

oh well.

Look, I'm a wizard!


I wrote "does OK hand symbol over Left Eye" but then it sounded like I was endorsing the death of Lisa Lopes, so I changed it.

Don't go chasin' waterfalls

I heard that the Giants decided to do that snuggie promotion only because they already had that great picture of Lincecum lying around, since he refused to remove his snuggie during photo day.

Tim Lincecum is asking How Do I Shot Web?

RIP Malcolm McLaren

If he hadn't had cancer lately I would have guessed it was all just a PR stunt.

I've never been a big Sex Pistols fan, but the man makes one hell of a baby stroller.

Does anyone know if the Sex Pistols are a Christian band? I'm digging that song God Save the Queen!! It's very intense though.
12:22 pm via echophon


Seriously, how the heck did @str8edgeracer, who I didn't even realize was starting today until Dmac posted this, allow only 7 baserunners in 7 scoreless innings with 9 strikeouts? Oh, it was against the super worsening Blue Jays.



Kyle Kendrick's return to the starting rotation in the majors: Four batters in, it's 2-0 with a man on third.

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