I wonder what my therapist thinks about me turning Friday into a day for pain. Between Creampuff and the Bat Attack Roundup there's something about today that makes me revel in the ouchies. Actually, my therapist is probably more concerned with the fact that I just stopped going a few months ago and still owe him some money. On with the Marys.
- Chipper Jones, Braves: OL' CHIP strained his oblique swinging yesterday. Seems like no big deal, and he should only miss a couple games. But this is like the 20 trillionth time it's happened to Lar, giving Fonzie O'Brien enough pause to write "Uh-O" in his headline like a pooping toddler.
- Felix Pie, Orioles: Felix has a minor rotator cuff strain and will miss a couple games. Snoozy, but also notable for not involving his testicles.
- Brian Sanches, Marlins: Pulled his hamstring leading to this diagnosis from Dr. Fredi Gonzalez:"Usually when it's higher up, it can be more severe than in the middle of the hamstring, or lower," Gonzalez said. Thanks, dude. I wouldn't trust Fredi Gonzalez to pour me a dose of Dimetapp.
- Orlando Hudson, Twins: Hudson left last nights game but apparently "feels fine after being kneed in the head." That's the same way I'd describe Minnesota taxpayers after seeing how pretty Target Field is.
- Luis Castillo, Mets: "Castillo, who tweaked his left hand diving into first base on an infield hit Thursday, will not play Friday, but that's due to his calf and not his hand bothering him, the Newark Star-Ledger reports." Meet the Mets!
- Jeff Niemann, Rays: Done got smoked in the arm by a line drive. Joe Maddon recommends an ice pack and a 2004 Argentinian Malbec.
- Jarrod Saltalamacchia, Rangers: Just days after his opening day walkoff hit, Salty hits the DL with back pain. Sweet! No finer reward for a job well done than a paid vacation. Enjoy crouching everyday in the Texas heat, Teagarden. Sucker.
- Aaron Hill, Blue Jays: Hill is out with a tight hamstring. The Blue Jays are replacing him in the lineup with DH Mervin Wells, the heretofore unknown twin brother of Vernon Wells. They're identical except for a mustache and a pair of cheap looking glasses.