Opening Day is a day for messages. Teams sends a loud and clear message to their fans, their league-wide opposition, and themselves. Who better to deliver this message in vivid, living colour than the man on the hill? A team's choice for Opening Day hurler conveys more information than all the press conferences, exhibition games, and elaborate marketing smoke-screens ever could.
Consider my recycling this post for 2010 a message in its own right: I am creatively famine-stricken in the worst way. But making fun of the have-nots is the true spirit of Easter, so gather round and ready your best F-words. Only one repeat name from last year, but it's worth it. Who wears the scarlett "FAIL" for 2010?
Always remember: Pedro Astacio died for your sins.
| National League Central Chicago Cubs - Carlos Zambrano: Post-Feast Guilt Famine St Louis Cardinals - Chris Carpenter: Reconstructed Feast Houston Astros - Roy Oswalt: Flagging Feast Milwaukee Brewers - Yovani Gallardo: Future Feast Cincinnati Reds - Aaron Harang: Progressive Famine Pittsburgh Pirates - Zach Duke: Famine |
American League Central Chicago White Sox - Mark Buehrle: Chinese Buffet Kansas City Royals - Zack Greinke: Full Blown Feast Detroit Tigers - Justin Verlander: Feast Minnesota Twins - Scott Baker: Fish Feast on a Stick Cleveland Indians - Jake Westbrook: Write a Folk Song and Emigrate-level Famine. |
| National League East New York Mets - Johan Santana: Feast Atlanta Braves - Derek Lowe: Famineast Philadelphia Phillies - Roy Halladay: Feast of Maximum Occupancy Florida Marlins - Josh Johnson: Feast Washington Nationals - John Lannan: Place-holding Famine |
American League East New York Yankees - CC Sabathia: Fast Cat Feast Boston Red Sox - Josh Beckett: Feast Tampa Bay Rays - James Shields: Futile Feast Toronto Blue Jays - Shaun Marcum: Falloff Famine Baltimore Orioles - Kevin Millwood: Famine |
| National League West San Francisco Giants - Tim Lincecum: Mr. Feastastic Los Angeles Dodgers - Vincente Padilla: Fail Arizona Diamondbacks - Dan Haren: Feast to Set Your Watch By Colorado Rockies - Ubaldo Jimenez: Feast. San Diego Padres - Jon Garland: Forgettable Famine |
American League West LA Angels - Jered Weaver Floppy Feast Seattle Mariners - Felix Hernandez: Kingly Feast Texas Rangers - Scott Feldman: More like Fam-man, amirite? Oakland A's - Ben Sheets: Feastential or Ligament Famine? |
Lowe is only the opening day starter because of Jurrjens camp injury. And to help mend his widdle feelings that got hurt when the Braves were shopping him.
But this will be the last year it won't be Hanson for the next 10 years.
Is it bad that I didn't know Kevin Millwood was still pitching?
The Jake Westbrook one kills me.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Farsi
Broken Social Scene: Feist
Prison Cake: File Filling
Stupid Yahoo blog commenter: FIRST!!!!!1
Opening Day > Opening Day Starter > CC Sabathia > Big Fat Pitcher > Big Fat Welsher > Rob Iracane
The Hold Steady - Franzless
Tiger Woods: Fornicator
Kevin: Romine
Phillies radio play-by-play: Franzke