Your 2010 Opening Day Starters: Feast or Famine

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Opening Day is a day for messages. Teams sends a loud and clear message to their fans, their league-wide opposition, and themselves. Who better to deliver this message in vivid, living colour than the man on the hill? A team's choice for Opening Day hurler conveys more information than all the press conferences, exhibition games, and elaborate marketing smoke-screens ever could.

Consider my recycling this post for 2010 a message in its own right: I am creatively famine-stricken in the worst way. But making fun of the have-nots is the true spirit of Easter, so gather round and ready your best F-words. Only one repeat name from last year, but it's worth it. Who wears the scarlett "FAIL" for 2010?

Always remember: Pedro Astacio died for your sins.

National League Central
Chicago Cubs - Carlos Zambrano: Post-Feast Guilt Famine
St Louis Cardinals - Chris Carpenter: Reconstructed Feast
Houston Astros - Roy Oswalt: Flagging Feast
Milwaukee Brewers - Yovani Gallardo: Future Feast
Cincinnati Reds - Aaron Harang: Progressive Famine
Pittsburgh Pirates - Zach Duke: Famine
American League Central
Chicago White Sox - Mark Buehrle: Chinese Buffet
Kansas City Royals - Zack Greinke: Full Blown Feast
Detroit Tigers - Justin Verlander: Feast
Minnesota Twins - Scott Baker: Fish Feast on a Stick
Cleveland Indians - Jake Westbrook: Write a Folk Song and Emigrate-level Famine.
National League East
New York Mets - Johan Santana: Feast
Atlanta Braves - Derek Lowe: Famineast
Philadelphia Phillies - Roy Halladay: Feast of Maximum Occupancy
Florida Marlins - Josh Johnson: Feast
Washington Nationals - John Lannan: Place-holding Famine
American League East
New York Yankees - CC Sabathia: Fast Cat Feast
Boston Red Sox - Josh Beckett: Feast
Tampa Bay Rays - James Shields: Futile Feast
Toronto Blue Jays - Shaun Marcum: Falloff Famine
Baltimore Orioles - Kevin Millwood: Famine
National League West
San Francisco Giants - Tim Lincecum: Mr. Feastastic
Los Angeles Dodgers - Vincente Padilla: Fail
Arizona Diamondbacks - Dan Haren: Feast to Set Your Watch By
Colorado Rockies - Ubaldo Jimenez: Feast.
San Diego Padres - Jon Garland: Forgettable Famine
American League West
LA Angels - Jered Weaver Floppy Feast
Seattle Mariners - Felix Hernandez: Kingly Feast
Texas Rangers - Scott Feldman: More like Fam-man, amirite?
Oakland A's - Ben Sheets: Feastential or Ligament Famine?

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Lowe is only the opening day starter because of Jurrjens camp injury. And to help mend his widdle feelings that got hurt when the Braves were shopping him.

But this will be the last year it won't be Hanson for the next 10 years.

Is it bad that I didn't know Kevin Millwood was still pitching?

The Jake Westbrook one kills me.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Farsi

Broken Social Scene: Feist

Prison Cake: File Filling

Stupid Yahoo blog commenter: FIRST!!!!!1

Opening Day > Opening Day Starter > CC Sabathia > Big Fat Pitcher > Big Fat Welsher > Rob Iracane

The Hold Steady - Franzless

Tiger Woods: Fornicator

Kevin: Romine

Phillies radio play-by-play: Franzke

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