Opening Day is a day for messages. Teams sends a loud and clear message to their fans, their league-wide opposition, and themselves. Who better to deliver this message in vivid, living colour than the man on the hill? A team's choice for Opening Day hurler conveys more information than all the press conferences, exhibition games, and elaborate marketing smoke-screens ever could.
Consider my recycling this post for 2010 a message in its own right: I am creatively famine-stricken in the worst way. But making fun of the have-nots is the true spirit of Easter, so gather round and ready your best F-words. Only one repeat name from last year, but it's worth it. Who wears the scarlett "FAIL" for 2010?
Always remember: Pedro Astacio died for your sins.
|National League Central
Chicago Cubs - Carlos Zambrano: Post-Feast Guilt Famine
St Louis Cardinals - Chris Carpenter: Reconstructed Feast
Houston Astros - Roy Oswalt: Flagging Feast
Milwaukee Brewers - Yovani Gallardo: Future Feast
Cincinnati Reds - Aaron Harang: Progressive Famine
Pittsburgh Pirates - Zach Duke: Famine
|American League Central|
Chicago White Sox - Mark Buehrle: Chinese Buffet
Kansas City Royals - Zack Greinke: Full Blown Feast
Detroit Tigers - Justin Verlander: Feast
Minnesota Twins - Scott Baker: Fish Feast on a Stick
Cleveland Indians - Jake Westbrook: Write a Folk Song and Emigrate-level Famine.
|National League East
New York Mets - Johan Santana: Feast
Atlanta Braves - Derek Lowe: Famineast
Philadelphia Phillies - Roy Halladay: Feast of Maximum Occupancy
Florida Marlins - Josh Johnson: Feast
Washington Nationals - John Lannan: Place-holding Famine
|American League East|
New York Yankees - CC Sabathia: Fast Cat Feast
Boston Red Sox - Josh Beckett: Feast
Tampa Bay Rays - James Shields: Futile Feast
Toronto Blue Jays - Shaun Marcum: Falloff Famine
Baltimore Orioles - Kevin Millwood: Famine
|National League West
San Francisco Giants - Tim Lincecum: Mr. Feastastic
Los Angeles Dodgers - Vincente Padilla: Fail
Arizona Diamondbacks - Dan Haren: Feast to Set Your Watch By
Colorado Rockies - Ubaldo Jimenez: Feast.
San Diego Padres - Jon Garland: Forgettable Famine
|American League West|
LA Angels - Jered Weaver Floppy Feast
Seattle Mariners - Felix Hernandez: Kingly Feast
Texas Rangers - Scott Feldman: More like Fam-man, amirite?
Oakland A's - Ben Sheets: Feastential or Ligament Famine?