Fragile Debacles, Revived!

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boy-who-saved-baseball.jpg It's pretty easy to make fun of those articles from Bleacher Report or Examiner.com one comes across when searching Google News. Then join in with me! Today's special comes from Bleacher Report and contains the awesome headline, "Braden Delivers Perfectly to Revive Baseball of Fragile Debacles."

It's a shameless sport that seems to wilt rather than expose positive innovations, such as legit sluggers or aggressive base runners. But instead it consists of shams, boldly juicing their bodies without producing in a pure and artistic fashion. It was just over a year ago, when frequent drug busts revealed con artists from a disturbing list.

You heard the man: Steroid users are just not as artistic as their natural counterparts. Also, when's the last time a major leaguer has been involved in a drug bust? Sure, Manny tested positive around this time last year, but he wasn't caught moving kilos of coke across the boarder.

All of us felt betrayed and deceived for glancing at overpaid shams, oblivious pitchers and outfielders paralyze America's Pastime, a competitive game our great grandfathers and grandpas endeared before corruption elicited collateral damage. In a game with many misconceptions, baseball is still in a state of uncertainty and needs an antidote to distant from the agonizing, destructive facets that overridden the way the masses recognize the game.

Our fathers and grandfathers enjoyed the game the way it was meant to be played: With little to no minorities and the Yankees controlling the Kansas City A's as a virtual farm club! I believe that is one of baseball's many misconceptions. no?

For years now, a league of performance-enhancing users and cheaters with no morals damaged pride, anonymity which tarnished marvel. So in a league focused on propaganda rather than entertaining the principles of rectitude, suddenly it observes a pleasant landscape. And now, we can finally embrace a remarkable moment in baseball and reverse from all the negatives.

The principles of rectitude sounds like something a girl I take home from the bar wants to do. I guess I could embrace that remarkable moment as well.

Of course, all of this is maybe rendered moot since Mark Buehrle threw a perfect game about nine months ago. Why did that perfect game not save us from all the cheaters but this one did? A question for the ages.


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9 Comments

OK, at least half of the crap Dmac quoted made absolutely no sense to me. Apparently, that guy went to the Mars Volta/Yes school of writing...

I was going to comment on the constant hand-wringing and faux outrage still being exhibited over the PED "mess" in baseball, but screw it; I give up. This is sports, not a Dylan Thomas poem for Christ's sake.

So many syllables, so little sense.

revealed con artists from a disturbing list

Rafael Palmero is wanted for check-kiting on three continents. A-Rod is so expert at the pigeon drop he might as well have invented it. Jason Giambi has used the cackle bladder to escape debtors on both coasts. And Manny, nattily attired in ascot and pince nez, spends his off season at work as a fallen, debonair art forger with an Old World lineage and a folio bursting with Modiglianis, Matisses and Renoirs.

In a game with many misconceptions

What does that even mean?

Nick that entire paragraph is garbage. Oh look I'm using 'big' words. Glancing at baseball players? Our grandparents 'endeared' baseball?

Quit trying to use 'big' words to try to convey some false sense of 'the good old days'

ps: bleacher report is a bunch of cunts

Even George Will thinks that piece was a bit heavy-handed.

I found those paragraphs to be shallow and pedantic.

That reads like a high school term paper, from the "go big or go home" school of writing. Also, I miss PEDs. Maybe the Braves offense wouldn't be so damn anemic if dudes were still all roidy.

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