Helpful Student Waters Baseball Field During National Anthem

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Talk about multitasking! On a dare, a high school baseball player in Big Stone Gap, VA lined up along the foul line with his teammates during the playing of the National Anthem, unzipped his pantaloons, took out his John Thomas, and whizzed on the field.

To top it all off, kid tinkled in public on a dare that didn't even involve money. Heck, kids today will do anything for free. Back in my day, I used to make big bucks doing crazy stuff like drinking a bottle of ketchup, or streaking nude across the auditorium during eighth grade graduation, or selling my urine to my buddy who smoked all that weed.

"We want to make this very clear, this kid did nothing that he considered unpatriotic," Wise County Schools Superintendent Jeff Perry said. "It was a stupid mistake; he has accepted responsibility. And that, coupled with the fact that he has had a very good record in the past - he's going to pay for it, but we don't have to behead him, we don't have to crucify him."

Perry would not say what the punishment entailed, citing student privacy. He also declined to name the boy.

Lucky this kid didn't attempt this at excessively patriotic Yankee Stadium where you can be ejected for simply leaving your seat during "God Bless America". Of course, being forbidden from leaving your seat during that song could cause one to simply tinkle on your seat. Don't blame me, I thought I had a going problem but it turned out to be a growing problem.

(via Obscure Store and Reading Room)


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6 Comments

Shoulda used the Moises Alou defense kid.

He was just trying to put out the burning flag. Notice THAT kid didn't even make the story. Damn liberals.

Jeff Perry said. "It was a stupid mistake; he has accepted responsibility. And that, coupled with the fact that he has had a very good record in the past - he's going to pay for it, but we don't have to behead him, we don't have to crucify him."

Jesus wishes he had that bro as his principal not Pontious Pilate.

He also declined to name the boy.

It'll probably leak sooner or later.

@Phony
He will be pissed if it does

I believe that headline should read "Urinational Anthem."

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