Getting You Ready To Know Even Less About the Draft

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Hurray, it's draft time in the majors! It's that special time of year when teams get together in Secaucus, NJ and take shots in the dark predicting which 18-year-old pitcher won't have every single ligament in his arm blow up by age 24. Strikingly, this year's draft is happening but one day before the the big league debuts of two much-heralded young studs: Mike Stanton and Stephen Strasburg. Nooo, not that Mike Stanton.

But enough about tomorrow, let's learn a little bit about the guys of tomorrow-er who will get drafted today!

  • At 7PM tonight, you can tune into the MLB Network to watch the first round of the MLB First Year Player draft. And since we were all well-behaved kiddies over the past year, Herr Selig has graciously added the supplemental round to the broadcast. WHEE SUPPLEMENTS!

  • The other forty-nine rounds will not be televised. They would, however, get better ratings than a Marlins game.

  • More amateur players will be onsite in beautiful downtown Secaucus than last year, when only South Jersey kid Mike Trout showed up.

  • I actually know less about this year's crop of lithe high schoolers than I did last year, if that's possible. I couldn't pick a single one of these kids out of a lineup if I had a gun to my head...

  • ...with the sole exception of Bryce Harper, who has graced the cover of national sport-y publications and Mottram-penned websites alike, and will be taken first by the Washington Nationals with the first pick. Jim Bowden guarantees it.

  • Nearly every team-specific blog worth their salt has posted draft previews that either predict who their favorite team will choose or rightfully professed cluelessness.

  • Despite not having an actual trading floor, NASDAQ invited fat Tommy Lasorda and other MLB Draft representatives to "ring" the "opening bell" today. The index is down half a percentage point today. Correlation? I say so.

  • Bud Selig will trip over his tongue pronouncing the simplest of names. If we are lucky, he will also trip on the stairs in his $9,300 Italian loafers.

  • Wanna feel old? Delino DeShields Junior will be drafted tonight.

  • Although most of the action will be taking place in Secaucus, the good folks at the MLB Network will have live look-ins to at least 22 of the 30 teams' war rooms. That means there's a decent chance we'll see Theo Epstein get pantsed by Bill James.

  • FoWoW 'Duk will be conducting a livechat at Big League Stew with some know-it-alls: Kendall Rogers, who covers college baseball for Rivals and Steve Henson, who stalks high school baseball players for a living. Nice work if you can get it.

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Bryce Harper is going to wear a Mike Trout mask replica when he shakes Selig's hand.

I know very little about the draft, but I am confident I know what the Braves will do in the first round.

I know very little about the draft, but I am confident I know that the Orioles will pick early in the first round next year too.

Freetzy did you just whip out a Captain Beefheart reference? Very classy.

By the way:

Don't know much about history
Don't know much biology
Don't know much about a science book
Don't know much about the french I took

But I do know that I love you
And I know that if you love me too
What a wonderful world this would be

See, we all have our strengths and weaknesses on what we do and do not know.


Not one mention of who will be covering the draft from their local Friendly's. Not one.

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