Okay, Which One of You Said "Bobby Valentine" Three Times?

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Barely one week after his name was bandied about as a possible Orioles manager, noted wrap sandwich inventor and current ESPN pseudo-analyst Bobby Valentine has withdrawn his name from the running. Why? Well, a better opportunity has opened up with his old pal Jeff Loria.

Hours after firing (Fredi) Gonzalez Wednesday morning, management made another quick move by reaching out to Bobby Valentine about possibly taking over

Loria is good friends with Valentine, who managed the Texas Rangers when Loria owned the club's Class AAA team in Oklahoma in 1989-92.

"The relationship Bobby and Jeffrey have had as friends is not relevant in terms of our managerial search in any way,' (team president David) Samson said.

I don't doubt that Samson truly believes that nonsense, but if so, he must truly not comprehend Loria's megalomaniacal ways. After all, he's the guy who fired NL Manager of the Year Joe Girardi, who then went on to win the World Series with his new employer. With recent Loria victim Fredi Gonzalez linked to the red hot Braves, perhaps the same thing will happen twice. Jeff Loria will do whatever he damn well pleases! He's so crazy that he'll pattern an entire ballpark's design after surrealism. With a flippin' fishtank behind home plate.

I digress. Bobby Valentine is a big name, yes, and will probably cost a pretty penny given his recent success in Japan. Now we know why Loria was saving all that scoreboard money! But that doesn't mean he'll be successful in Florida. Yes, the Marlins have a ton of young talent but they are also playing in a tightly-contested division. Doubtful that a man with a career .510 winning percentage and but two career playoff appearances can vault them out of fourth place.

At least there is one bright side to all this nonsense: Bobby's departure from the state of Connecticut can only lead to more karaoke catfights at his restaurant.

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For the penny-pinching Marlins, there is only one route to take:


Live glog today?

Here ya go, South Florida newspapers. A free headline, from ya boy:


Fish To Miss Playoffs: It's A Wrap

@njpanick - And then photoshop his head into a wrap made of the newspaper itself, like a fish at the market. Meta, and accurate!

@njpanick - And then photoshop his head into a wrap made of the newspaper itself, like a fish at the market. Meta, and accurate!

Stupid interwebs.

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