O's Value Experience In Manager; Top Candidates Valentine, Showalter and Mr. Fuji

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fuji.jpgYou're never going to guess who the top candidate is for the job in Baltimore. If you said Juan Samuel... you're an idiot. Like every other coaching vacancy of the past 5 years, the front runner here is Bobby Valentine. Because you see, he has experience.

"I made no secret of the fact that given the young makeup of our roster, we will probably place a high premium on experience," MacPhail said. "And preferably experience where they've shown some success and hopefully had some postseason success."

In that respect, Valentine would fit the bill. He posted a 1,117-1,072 record in Texas and New York, guiding the Mets to the World Series in 2000.

I guess when you're as lousy as Baltimore has been over the past decade everything is relative, but that's really pushing the limits of the phrase "some success" isn't it? A handful of games over .500 and one losing trip to the World Series? Bob Brenly actually won the World Series with Diamondbacks the next year, you know. No one is beating down his door. And he looks like a soft core porn director! Valentine had to fake a mustache like that when he got thrown out of a game an.....zzzzzzzzzzz. ADVANTAGE BRENLY.

The other candidate mentioned in this illuminating piece is Buck Showalter. Excited yet, O's fans? He's another guy with a record a few shakes over .500 who, like Valentine, had the benefit of playing his 5-4 homestands in New York City. Let's not forget that Baltimore hired the truly atrocious Lee Mazzilli just because he was an assistant in New York. And also because he had Joe Torre's recipe for baked ziti tattooed on his chest.

Despite MacPhail saying that Samuel will finish the year (hey, he'll get some experience) Valentine is predictably campaigning for the job. He went on the Michael Kay Radio Show (I think I'd rather listen to Sean Hannity or have a nail gun fired into my ear) and spewed this lolarious quote.

"I did go down there and I did talk with the owner [Peter Angelos] and the general manager [Andy MacPhail] and they have a whole lot of problems and they seem like they're really putting their heads together to try to solve them somehow, some way."

BY ANY MEANS NECCESSARY. The Orioles don't need a manager, they need Malcom X. Because this is the only thing that MacPhail seems to have come up with so far (emphasis mine, bold type in places where I smacked myself in the forehead):

"There are definitely pros and cons for an early timetable as opposed to late," MacPhail said.

"I said [previously it] could be days, could be weeks, could be months, could be years. I try to give myself the full spectrum. There are so many variables. I don't know how the process is going to unfold."

MacPhail officially dismissed Trembley on June 4 and called early talks with potential managerial candidates "interesting."

"It's educational. You get different perspectives," MacPhail said. "It's not a fun thing to go through, but like anything, there's some silver linings."

I will never ever get those 4 paragraphs of my life back. I can't believe the man that said those things is employed by a major league ballclub. Maybe it's an Andy MacPhail imposter being played by Kevin Kline. Or maybe I'm an even bigger idiot because I keep reading stories on MLB.com. Hey Baltimore, not too late to convert to being a Nats fan. Plenty of good seats still available.

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When the Giants score 10 runs on you I think the O's have bigger problems than who their manager is.

Also, don't forget Valentine invented the wrap sandwich, that alone should make him the front runner for the job.

MacPhail should just go with what worked for him in the past: Tom Kelly

Look out Baltimore! Bobby Valentine is going to make you blow your top. Introducing the Crab Cake . . . Wrap!!!

I like how in that old thread we shamed new commenter "85" into never coming back. WE ARE GOOD BIZNISSMEN.

I thought Grandmaster Flash invented the wrap

The front office needs a mortician, not a manager. DEAD WEIGHT.

I thought Florence Nightingale invented the wrap?

Fuckin' wraps. How do they work?

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