You may have heard that, before the Phillies' 6-3 victory over the Yankees on Wednesday, Chase Utley placed bats and several other items in a strange shape on the floor of the clubhouse. The Phillies won, and so naturally it was definitely whatever the hell he did with the bats. (One can also buy a shirt about this already, of course, thanks to Fightins x Birdland.)
I hope you know where I'm going here. Earlier this week, I wrote about the fact that a single cat has not run onto a major league baseball field yet this season. And so, now I'm turning to my own brand of Utley-style voodoo.
One might think I would use bats, but... I don't have any. One might think I would use something cat-related, also, but... I don't have anything! I don't play tennis (or sweep), either. Those rackets are from my parents; I borrowed them for costume for a bowling contest. My team dressed as 70s tennis players and won "Most Pimp Uniforms." That trophy is also included in this diagram, as is an empty bottle of Mike Schmidt 548 wine, definitely the worst wine I've ever had. If this doesn't put a cat on the field, I don't know what will.
Well, maybe this! Before last night's 7-1 win over the Yankees, there was a Darth Maul (?) bobblehead with a bottle and shot of rum next to Utley's locker. I don't have any Star Wars bobbleheads, nor do I have Jobu, but I was able to rig something up.
Okay. I predict this will work so well, several games will be canceled this weekend due to being overrun by cats. It will be the cutest forfeits ever!