The Oil Ball Game: Congressional Baseball Wrap-Up

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Yesterday, Nationals Park in Washington DC played host to some offensive explosions but on this day BP stood for "batting practice." And how! Hasn't that poor company suffered enough? Republican congressional baseball team captain Joe Barton sure thinks so. He's the dude that apologized to company chief Tony Heyward during congressional hearings. But hey, let's give Barton a break. He's really been preparing for this game! He can't decide what his favorite part of baseball is. Drilling a line drive or slick fielding.

(Billy) Shuster is only one of more than two dozen Republican lawmakers who've been practicing together every day at 7 a.m. for more than two months. Team captain Rep. Joe Barton (R-Texas) has made every practice. "We need dedication to get this trophy back," he told ITK, "so I've been out there every day."

"We'll start [Rep. John] Shimkus (R- Ill.) on the mound again this year," he said, "but there are a lot of players looking really good."

Also looking strong, Barton noted, are Reps. Duncan Hunter (R-Calif.) and Connie Mack (R-Fla.).

Connie Mack is good at baseball? I'm floored. You may remember Duncan Hunter as the cuckoo former Republican Presidential candidate that wanted to build a 2,000 mile long border fence from the Pacific to the Gulf Of Mexico (there's that place again!). Presumably, he just wanted to hit some fungoes over it.

The Democrats won last year and were looking to repeat. Which is absolutely shocking when you read these quotes from their team captain.

"I'm looking for a win by maybe five points, which is what we had last year," Democrats' team captain Rep. Mike Doyle (Pa.) told ITK. Last summer Democrats beat the GOP 15-10.

Starting on the mound will be go-to pitcher, Rep. Joe Baca (D-Calif.) (shown here warming up). "Baca's just such a consistent pitcher," said Doyle, "but what's great is that our back-up pitcher, [Rep.] Bruce Braley (D-Iowa) can strike people out, too.

"When you only play once a year, you're going to make some errors," said Doyle, "so we've got to hit a lot, make contact, and score points so that we can afford a few errors."

Sigh. Thank god there's no video of that dude throwing.

Despite an imperfect grasp on the terminology Doyle's last bit of strategy is actually sound not only for baseball but also for getting elected to office when you're a moron. It's been working for both teams for years.

So what happened in the game? The Republicans, including tiny third base coach Pete Sessions (FLAMENCO!) who had spent all afternoon poking Elena Kagan with a stick trying to get her to cry, got thumped 13-5. Game was knotted at 4-4 in the 6th inning, but in the top of the 7th (and final) inning the Dems really knocked the ol' tar ball around scoring 9 runs off Shimkus. Shiiiiiiiiiimkuuuuus! Shiiiiiiiiimkuuuuuusssss!

There's always next year, Joe Barton. If you're not locked up or expunged from your party, you crook.


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12 Comments

Look at that duck! Keeping himself warm with OUR oil. THIEF. THIEEEEEF!

Sessions dressed in full Rangers regalia as per Screech's Best Friend.

That bird shares the same nickname as a former Red Sox pitcher, Oil Can.

Duncan Hunter was the nominee?

MAYBE YOU SHOULD STICK WITH THE SILLY PROTESTING NPRSHIRT.

No recipe for oiled duck? This is one sad excuse for a cooking blog.

wops.fixed.

[redickted]

You should also "redick" your anti-Iracane slur, you hateful, hateful man, you.

The score was 13-5, but the Demmycrats distributed the points evenly afterward, so the game ended at 9-9.

/talkradio'd

Robert Byrd was a late scratch.

You know, the oil spill isn't really as big as the liberals are making it seem. But still, Obama is doing a terrible job cleaning it up.

WHAT'S THE POINT IN ELECTING A MINORITY PRESIDENT IF HE CAN'T CLEAN UP A MESS MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE VOTED FOR A GUATEMALAN LADY AND WHERE'S THAT SEVEN AND SEVEN I ORDERED LIKE FIFTEEN MINUTES AGO I'M THIRSTY COLTRANE

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