The Phillie Phanatic's Inner Demons

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I covered Phillies all weekend, and Friday night I was fortunate enough to get a copy of that day's giveaway, The Phillie Phanatic's Galapagos Islands Adventure. In this book, written by Tom Burgoyne (the Phanatic's "best friend") and illustrated by Len Epstein, the Phanatic travels to his home islands to meet an entire species of Phanatics. (They're endemic to the Galapagos, you see? Actually, this is pretty clever.)

The Galapagos Phanatics have also built a gold statue of the Phillie Phanatic, which the Bible has taught us is a good strategy which cannot lead to any possible unforeseen side effects.

But my favorite part of the book is the panel above, the one I've exempted above. While the Phanatic loves the Phillies, he's clearly a lonely man... thing. He's clearly a lonely Phanatic. It must be fun to get paid to attend every Phillies game, but when you're the only one of your kind around every night, you wrestle with demons.

The Phillie Phanatic's Galapagos Islands Adventure is one of the most heartbreaking children's books ever published.

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...but you don't have to take my word for it!

So when are the Phillies going to release the book the deals with that young Phanatic growing up and overcoming a decade of alcohol and cocaine abuse due to the isolation and sadness that he feels?


The Phillie Phanatic's Galapagos Islands Adventure is one of the most heartbreaking children's books ever published.

Clearly you missed the childrens book I wrote: "Mom and Dad divorced because you didn't eat your vegetables".

"Why Does Mommy Help the Mailman Do Pushups Every Morning?" is far more staggeringly heartbreaking.

"You Call This a Manhattan, You Dumb Little Shit? That's It, You're Out of the Will" is more heartbreakingly staggering.

"We ate the freakin rabbit, 'cause I lost my freakin job, quit cryin goddamn kid!"

"Your Dog Will Be Happier With the Neighbors"
With 3D pop-ups!

My buddy was not excited that he got ICED on his 30th birthday

It was easily not the best picture I took this weekend

"Billy the Marlin Lives on the Wall at the Dentist's Office"

"Mr. Met's Double Life"

@BCTF, is that BCTF jr.?

So is it always sunny in Philadelphia?

And for the record, "Love You Forever" is the most heartbreaking children's books ever published.

Also, fuck anything by Shel Silverstein, his books suck.

It's my daughter. I know that Twins outfit is kind of deceiving but I put her on a pink blanket to make up for it.

@BCTF, my bad, the blanket didn't look that pink. Great picture, beautiful baby. My oldest daughter wore her Yankees shirt yesterday.

She's a cutie, BCTF. You tie her right arm down yet?

She's beautiful, BC. Nice work!

I have never banned a meme from the comment section here at WoW but I am on the verge of putting the kibosh on the entire icing phenomenon. Enough already. We get it.

We got a shit ton of Twins stuff for gifts and we just need to get her into all of it before she outgrows it.

If you get hit with the banhammer, make sure you have a tetanus booster, because that thing is rusty!

No need, she uses her left hand for everything so far.

"I Was In My Fifties Before I Had a Friend Bestest Enough to Ice Me," by Rob Iracane.

Gorgeous girl, BCTF.

I'm going to start Milking all my bros. Slam this gallon, you fucking pussies.

@Farty, I'm replacing Ices with Ides. Chug a 40 of the crooked I and let the party start.

Beware the Ices of March!

How about Bros Ike-ing Bros? Force your friends to take a knee and eat a package of Mike & Ikes

@Ed, would a box of Hot Tamales be an acceptable replacement for Mike & Ikes?

Your daughter is adorable, BC. I can only assume she takes after her mother.

Also, I would think that "General Tso's Mittens: A Cautionary Tale About Pet Ownership and Chinese Take-Out" would be fantastically awful.

Yes. Absolutely.

Yes she gets her good looks from her mother.

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