Wednesday Afternoon Liveglog Club: Phillies at Braves

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Hello! And welcome to another edition of Wednesday Afternoon Liveglog Club. Once again, we'll be covering the Phillies (sorry). They take on the Braves today in Atlanta (hence the Gone with the Wind parody poster above -- c'mon, did I really need to explain that?).

A little bit of background on today's game: The Phillies have lost 50 of 51 (Doc's perfect game the only win) to drop out of first place in the National League East, scoring only seven runs during that stretch (all unearned). The Braves, meanwhile, are 19-0 in their last six.

Join me after the jump for livebloggy goodness.

1:00 p.m.: Oh, I assume you want lineups? Well, too bad, I'm too lazy.

1:00 p.m., part 2: Just kidding. The Phillies are shaking things up today a bit, throwing out CF Werth, SS Valdez, 2B Utley, 1B Howard, RF Francisco, LF Ibanez, 3B Dobbs, C Schneider, P Kendrick. The Braves counter with 2B Prado, RF Heyward, 3B Larry Jones, C McCann, 1B Glaus, LF Hinske, SS Escobar, CF McLouth, P Lowe. MLB.com Gameday is great, but somehow I usually still end up using Yahoo! Sports' boxscores.

1:04 p.m.: Did you ever wonder what Roy Halladay's perfect game would have looked like if it were superimposed over a boat? Thanks to the opening of the Phillies' broadcast, now you know!

wow.roy.boat.jpg

1:06 p.m.: Jayson Werth flies out to Heyward to open the game.

1:08 p.m.: Derek Lowe K's Wilson Valdez.

1:10 p.m.: Utley grounds to short to end the inning. Way to get the offense on track, Fightin' Phils!

1:14 p.m.: Martin Prado singles to open the game, followed up by a Jason Heyward single. First and third with nobody out.

1:15 p.m.: Chipper Jones grounds into a double play. Prado scores, and the local announcers act as if the Phillies have just won the World Series. "That's the optimum result!" says Chris Wheeler. What about a triple play? Braves 1, Phillies 0.

1:16 p.m.: McCann flies to center. End 1st.

1:18 p.m.: If you're wondering who Nolan Ryan is shilling for these days, the answer is: Lowe's.

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1:20 p.m.: Ryan Howard flies out to Heyward. One down.

1:22 p.m.: "If You're Going To" Ben Francisco strikes out. I might be giving every player Chris Berman nicknames for a little bit to amuse myself.

1:23 p.m.: Raul "Juliá" Ibañez flies out to deep left center. Six up, six down.

1:30 p.m.: Man, that was a long at bat by Troy "from West Virginia" Glaus. On a 3-2 pitch, Ibanez jumped up against the wall and robbed Glaus homer -- unfortunately for the Phillies, he didn't catch it. So it's a double instead.

1:31 p.m.: Okay, that's enough for Bermanesque nicknames. Eric Hinske strikes out, just like he did to end the 2008 World Series.

1:32 p.m.: Escobar lines one up the middle, but Kendrick snatches it out of the air. Glaus was already almost to third on the play, so a quick flip to second base makes it a double play. End 2nd.

1:37 p.m.: After Greg Dobbs strikes out swinging, Brian Schneider breaks up the perfect game with a single.

1:38 p.m.: After two bunt attempts, the Phillies take off the bunt and Kyle Kendrick sends it right over Larry "The Cable Guy" Jones' head, who was practically even with the pitcher's mound.

1:39 p.m.: Jayson "Net" Werth singles to center and Schneider scores. Three hits in a row for the Phillies? I barely believe it. Phillies 1, Braves 1.

1:40 p.m.: This time Jones is back and Wilson "Exxon" Valdez (sorry, this time I'm really done with the nicknames) gets a bunt single to third. The bases are loaded.

1:42 p.m.: Now there are the Phillies we know and love: Chase Utley hits into a 4-6-3 double play.

1:43 p.m.: Oh, look, my favorite local commercial just aired.

The world really needed a "Wassup!" parody 10 years too late.

1:44 p.m.: McLouth strikes out.

1:47 p.m.: Then Derek Lowe walks, of course.

1:51 p.m.: While I was explaining the usefulness of ramp meters to Matt P. from The 700 Level, Kendrick got another strikeout (of Prado) then got Jason Heyward to fly out to right. End 3rd.

1:53 p.m.: Ryan Howard singles to lead off the fourth.

1:56 p.m.: After a Ben Francisco pop-up, Raul Ibanez grounds into a double play for the GIDPhillies.

2:00 p.m.: "Wood" Chipper Jones strikes out swinging.

2:01 p.m.: Brian McCann flies out to center. The ramp meter discussion on Twitter is heating up.

2:05 p.m.: Glaus flies out to deep right, but not before the Phillies broadcast gave us a shot of his crotch.

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End 4th.

2:08 p.m.: Greg "Soon to be DFA'ed" Dobbs flies out to left.

2:09 p.m.: Incidentally, Omar Infante is now playing third. Chipper just couldn't take out-of-town fans yelling "Larry" at him today, apparently.

2:11 p.m.: Brian Schneider strikes out swinging. Two down.

2:13 p.m.: Kyle Kendrick strikes out looking on a pitch that looked low but MLB.com says was just in the strike zone.

2:15 p.m.: If there is one complaint I have about the Phillies' broadcasts, it's... ha ha, just kidding, I have about 500 complaints about the Phillies' broadcasts. Anyway, I really hate the Citizens Bank Greensense Green Fact of the Day.

2:17 p.m.: Hinske grounds out to first, unassisted.

2:19 p.m.: Escobar flies out to Francisco.

2:20 p.m.: McLouth walks, so the pitcher won't lead off the next inning. Kyle Kendrick, noted barista, will face Lowe.

2:21 p.m.: Lowe flies out to Francisco. End 5th.

2:25 p.m.: Werth grounds out to second to lead off the top of the sixth.

2:28 p.m.: Wilson "from Home Improvement" Valdez grounds out to third.

2:29 p.m.: Utley grounds out. This game is going to go 20 innings and still finish in time for happy hour.

2:31 p.m.: Martin Prado singles to short. Valdez can't handle it, but he probably wouldn't have gotten him anyway.

2:34 p.m.: And Prado is erased when Jason Heyward grounds into a double play. That's five combined double plays in this game; the Phils have turned three.

2:35 p.m.: Omar "Sharif" Infante singles to center.

2:40 p.m.: After a looooong at bat, Brian McCann flies out to "I Left My Heart In" Ben Francisco (eww!). End 6th.

2:42 p.m.: Incidentally, where do you think the field that MLB.com Gameday uses is?

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Hell? Purgatory? Cleveland? (Finally, someone has taken a shot at mighty Cleveland!)

2:43 p.m.: Ryan Howard strikes out.

2:46 p.m.: Ben Francisco, too.

2:47 p.m.: Ibanez pops out. Hey, guess what? We have a double shot of seventh-inning stretch music jawns today. First off, to honor Dennis Hopper, let's run a song from his best movie (Super Mario Bros.: The Movie): George Clinton and the Goombas's cover of "Walk the Dinosaur"!

I always say: If you're going to sell out, you might as well go out all and record a cover of "Walk the Dinosaur" for a movie based on Super Mario Bros.

And then! In honor of the excellent comment section today, here's "ALL CAPS" by Madvillain.

Madvillain is the great MF Doom and Madlib, if you didn't know.

2:50 p.m.: Glaus flies out to left.

2:51 p.m.: Eric Hinske, too.

2:51 p.m., part 2: Escobar, too! Geeze, that was quick, even for this game. End 7th.

2:56 p.m.: After battling to 3-2, Greg Dobbs singles up the middle.

2:58 p.m.: Schneider sacrifices Dobbs to second. Ross Gload will pinch hit for Kendrick.

2:59 p.m.: Lest you think the Phillies can't ground into a double play here, they hit into (I think) a 6-2 DP last night.

3:00 p.m.: Oh, look, the sacrifice bunt worked! Ha ha, just kidding. Gload grounds out, and Dobbs goes to third.

3:01 p.m.: Werth gets intentionally walked. Wilson Valdez is up.

3:03 p.m.: I think the Phillies just went for a (suicide?) squeeze there but Valdez fouled it off.

3:04 p.m.: Valdez pops out to shallow center. Now it's time for the Phillies' bullpen to lose this one in the bottom of the eighth.

3:06 p.m.: I love this commercial for Lovaza (prescription fish oil, apparently): "The prescription that begins in the sea." Possible side effects include burping. Really.

3:08 p.m.: And Jose Contreras walks McLouth to lead off the bottom of the eighth.

3:11 p.m.: Melky Cabrera sacrifices to the pitcher.

3:12 p.m.: By the way, there's some sort of horrible Philadelphia sports flag monster attending today's game.

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3:13 p.m.: Martin Prado strikes out. The sacrifice: Preventing runs since whenever baseball averages got high enough to make the sacrifice bunt not as good of a play.

3:14 p.m.: Jason Heyward will be intentionally walked; Contreras will face Omar Infante.

3:16 p.m.: Incidentally, do any ballparks play "Walk the Dinosaur" after a base on balls? All of them should.

3:19 p.m.: Omar Infante singles on a 3-2 pitch to right center. Predictable! Braves 2, Phillies 1.

3:21 p.m.: J.C. Romero will face Brian McCann. Heyward went to third on the Infante single, incidentally.

3:23 p.m.: McCann flies out to Francisco. Billy Wagner will attempt to save this one. End 8th.

3:24 p.m.: The Phillies are giving out a Charlie Manuel bat as a giveaway this year. They know he's a career .198 hitter, right?

3:25 p.m.: The Phillies have the 3-4-5 hitters up. That's Utley-Howard-Francisco.

3:27 p.m.: Utley breaks his bat and fists one right to Infante at third. One down.

3:29 p.m.: Howard grounds it right to Escobar (on the right side of the third-base bag) and the Braves are one out away from a sweep.

3:31 p.m.: Ben Francisco walks. Shane Victorino will pinch hit for Raul Ibanez.

3:33 p.m.: Victorino strikes out on a check swing to end the game. Good at bat for Shane-O.

3:34 p.m.: Everybody remember to walk the dinosaur today!

FINAL: Braves 2, Phillies 1.


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53 Comments

GOOD THING I HAD MY BLAZER DRY CLEANED

SWEET MOTHER OF SHRIMP IT'S A LIVEGLOG

I LOST MY BLAZER AND WILL BE WEARING MY BIRTHDAY SUIT

MY BLAZER IS STILL AT THE DRY CLEANER SO I'M WEARING ONE OF THOSE TUXEDO T-SHIRTS

THAT'S BECAUSE IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY JW YOU OLD FART

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOUU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JEERRKWHEEAAT
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOUU

THIS IS A GREAT COMMENT THREAD SO FAR

A+++ WILL BUY FROM AGAIN

PHILLIES INABILITY TO SCORE MAKES US ALL SHOUT, WHETHER OUT OF PURE MISERY OR PURE GLEE

IT'S GLEE FOR ME, BUT NOT THAT STUPID TELEVISION SHOW

THE EXISTENCE OF THIS LIVEGLOG MAKES ME SHOUT WITH NON-TV-SHOW-RELATED GLEE

WHY IS JASON HEYWARD ONLY IN FIFTH PLACE IN ALL STAR VOTING? IS SHANE VICTORINO REALLY THAT GOOD? ANSWER: NO.

KONICHIWA GLOGGY BROS--I AM SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU.

QUIT STEALING MY GIMMICK YOU STICKY FINGERED LOUTS I SWEAR I TRY TO FOCUS ON MY GAME AND ELEVATING THE LEVEL OF MY MASHES AND THEN YOU ALL GO AND DO THIS DUMB MESS SOMEONE BETTER HAVE AN ANSWER FOR ME

NOW IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME I NEED TO GO BACK TO PLAYING FIRST CLASS FIRST PLACE BASEBALL YOU KNOW SAME STORY DIFFERENT SUNRISE OR AS MY DAD WOULD SAY MIND YOUR MANNERS AND MANNER TO YOUR MINDS

LARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY

LARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY

LARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY

HEY CHIP
QUIT HITTING INTO DOUBLE PLAYS

AW CHICKENSTICKS FIRST MY BOYS ROPE-A-DOPE INTO A SCREAMER OF A DOUBLE PLAY BALL AND NOW I GOTTA HUSTLE IT OUT TO THIRD ALL WHILE THIS PRETZEL JERK CHANTS MY NAME MAYBE YOU DONT KNOW MR GWIN BUT THAT RAZZIN NEVER AFFECTED ME YET AND IT WONT NOW IN FACT I NAME MY KIDS AFTER THE PLACES THAT GIVE IT TO ME BEST SO MAYBE IF YOU KEEP IT UP I WILL NAME MY NEXT CHILD "FAIRYWEBPAGE"

NOLAN RYAN IS OUR GENERATION'S GORDON JUMP DISCUSS

WAIT - IS DMAC CHIPPER??????????????

I LIKE TO COVER MYSELF IN BEEF TALLOW AND RUB UP ON HOUSECATS HEY GUYS WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT

I heard that the that you liked old farts in your birthday/liveblog celebrations, so I'm here to put an older fart in your live blog.

ALSO, WHAT'S UP EVERYONE? I AM DIGGING THE NEW COMMENT FORMAT.

SOMEONE SAID THEY'RE CALLING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE BUT I DON'T CARE CAUSE I'M PLAYING GAMEBOY IN A CONVERTIBLE UP THE STREET

I CAN'T VIEW THE GAME, CAN SOMEONE REPORT ON HOW SWEATY DEREK LOWE IS?
/ALSO, ANY BRAVES FAN SHOULD BE ABLE TO FORESEE AN IMPENDING DEREK LOWE RUNS ASPOLSION. IT'S COMING!!1

The heat index is only 86, Artie, so I'm putting Lowe's sweat level at: damp.

ARTIE- ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10, 1 BEING A CASUAL STROLL ON A SPRING DAY AND 10 BEING AN INDONESIAN COKE BINGE, LOWE IS CURRENTLY AT AN 11.

IN FACT, AS I TYPED THAT, HE JUST BLOTTED HIS FOREARMS WITH THE ROSIN BAG.

WALKOFF WALK: THE BLOG WHERE "INSIDE VOICES" ARE FOR LOSERS

STEAK 'EM UP OWNER: "I WANT TO REFERENCE A BEER AD THAT WAS POPULAR DURING RICKY BOTTALICO'S HEYDAY. AND, I WANT TO APPEAL TO PEOPLE WHO EAT IN BED."

PRODUCTION GUY:

SHOOTS SELF IN HEAD

/STUPID BRACKETS

Lowe just went from damp to drippy.

@SLOTHROP

SO DID MY TAINT. THEY NEED TO CRANK THE AC IN THIS BITCH.

@NJ

OMG!!!!!

LOWE MUST HAVE HIS INDONESIAN COKE IN THIS ROSIN BAG!!!!

WHY HE'D BE RUBBING COKE ON HIS ARMS I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE IT GETS ABSORBED INTO THE BLOODSTREAM QUICKER THAT WAY!!!????!?!?!?!?!?!2121211322

I ALREADY LIVE BLOG COMMENT AROUND THE CLOCK!

/NOW ON DVD!

THE ENTIRE WORLD IS IN TROY GLAUS' CROTCH.

DP action for everyone!

SOMEHOW, ROB, "HE'S GOT THE WHOLE WORLD IN HIS CROTCH" JUST DOESN'T HAVE THE SAME FAMILY-FRIENDLY VIBE AS "HE'S GOT THE WHOLE WORLD IN HIS HANDS"...

OH GOOD NOW HEYWARD WILL NEVER MAKE THE ALLSTAR GAME
(VOTE HEYWARD)

WELL, IF GLAUS HAS THE WHOLE WORLD IN HIS HANDS, AND HIS HANDS ARE IN HIS CROTCH...

GREAT VIDEO CHOICES BY OUR VIDEO SOMMELIER.

TRY THE '85 GIGONDAS

GEORGE CLINTON?! "WALK THE DINOSAUR"?! I NOW QUESTION MY FAITH IN HUMANITY

THAT BLACK BACKGROUND OF NOTHINGNESS IS LIKE THE CENTERFIELD BACKGROUND AT SAFECO, WHERE THE M'S HAD BOEING ENGINEERS PLACE THIS SUPER NON-REFLECTIVE MATERIAL THAT IS "BLACKER" THAN ANY OTHER MATERIAL AVAILABLE ("AND NOW, A MAN SO BLACK HE URINATES MOTOR OIL: NAT X!") AND FRIGHTENS ALL WHO SEE IT. IT IS NOT UNLIKE STARING INTO AN INTERGALACTIC WORMHOLE.

LOOK HOW LOUD I HAVE TO YELL!

EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR

COULD YOU PLEASE DO ME A FAVOR AND WALK THE DINOSAUR? I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE THAT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH

I PITY THE POOR SOUL WHO STUMBLES UPON THIS BLOG FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY.

"What a bunch of weirdos, they only comment in caps."

IS WHAT HE'D SAY

OMAR COMIN'

OMAR CAME

EITHER BILLY WAGNER GETS THE SAVE IN THE NINTH OR HE BLOWS IT. EITHER WAY, I LOOK FORWARD TO DMAC'S REACTION.

BLOWN SAVE BY WAGNER, FOLLOWED BY DELICIOUS SHRIMP IN THE BOTTOM. THIS IS WHAT MUST HAPPEN.

HAHA POSTING IN EPIC THREAD TITS OR GTFO

TLDR

----------- CUT END THREAD HERE --------------

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