Which Came First: The Oriole or the Egg?

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oriole.jpegSweet Mary Mother of Ripken are the Orioles ever bad! A weekend sweep at the hands of the Blue Jays (who worsened themselves 53 home runs in May) brings the OrioLOLes record to a whopping 15 wins against 36 defeats, worst in baseball. 6-21 on the road, 6-17 within their own division. Here we are on June 1st and the Orioles have won fewer games (15) than games they're out of first place (18.5 back of baseball's best Rays.)

Even the 2009 Orioles—losers of 98 games at season's end—weren't this bad. Over the last few seasons the Orioles actually boasted a moderately frightening offense, offset by terrible pitching and defense. Things looked better heading into 2010, as the litany of hot young arms slated to take over the rotation would finally give the Orioles the run prevention they desperately need.

The road to fourth place riches is a bumpy one, and everything that could go wrong for the Orioles almost certainly has. The offense is anemic, with linchpin Nick Markakis unable to carry the load alone. Found money Ty Wigginton continues clouting dingers, but the absence of WoW favorite Brian Roberts coupled with poor play from former All Star Adam Jones and former non-corpse Miguel Tejada spells doom for the O's O. Ex-consensus savior Matt Wieters struggles to get on base and hit for power, though he's become quite adept at leaving sob-filled messages on Bryce Harper's voicemail.

Projected ace Brian Matusz forgot how to miss bats. Free agent workhorse Kevin Millwood can't buy a break with all of Angelos's money. Young starters like Chris Tillman and Brad Bergesen came to camp with high expectations, only to toil in AAA for much of the early season, either fighting ineffectiveness or service time issues. The bullpen stands in taters; the free agent closer hits the DL after some awful outings. His exciting replacement joins him mere weeks after earning the role.

Yup, things are bad in Baltimore. Even worse than (obligatory Wire reference). Manager Dave Trembley spends his nights irrigating the disgusting blisters on his backside, unfortunate by-products of too many nights atop a red hot seat. It's a mess. If only there was one simple & succinct way to describe the state of the Orioles. One tangible example of everything they've done wrong and everything going wrong for this star-crossed franchise...

COREY PATTERSON GAME LOG

Date Tm Opp PA AB R H 2B 3B HR RBI BB SO SB BATTING ORDER POSITION
May 12 BAL SEA 5 5 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 1
May 13 BAL SEA 4 4 1 2 1 0 1 1 0 0 0 1
May 14 BAL CLE 5 4 2 3 0 0 0 0 1 1 0 1
May 15 BAL CLE 4 4 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
May 16 BAL CLE 4 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 2 0 1
May 17 BAL KCR 5 2 3 1 0 0 0 0 1 0 2 1
May 18 BAL KCR 5 4 1 1 0 0 1 1 1 2 0 1
May 19 BAL @ TEX 5 5 0 1 1 0 0 0 0 2 0 1
May 20 BAL @ TEX 6 5 1 1 1 0 0 2 1 2 0 1
May 21 BAL @ WSN 5 5 0 2 0 0 0 1 0 0 1 1
May 22 BAL @ WSN 4 4 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 1
May 23 BAL @ WSN 5 4 1 2 0 0 0 0 1 0 1 1
May 25 BAL OAK 4 3 0 1 0 0 0 0 1 1 0 1
May 26 BAL OAK 4 3 0 1 0 0 0 0 1 1 1 1
May 27 BAL OAK 5 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 4 0 1
May 28 BAL @ TOR 4 4 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 1
May 30 BAL @ TOR 4 4 1 2 0 0 0 0 0 2 0 1
BAL 78 68 11 18 3 0 2 5 8 20 5 !
Provided by Baseball-Reference.com: View Original Table
Generated 5/31/2010.

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8 Comments

Batting Corey Patterson lead-off is like eating a piece of human feces while dressed in drag.

I just realized that the O's sent down Nolan Reimold prior to promoting Our Coreytastic Hero from Triple-A. That's really gotta sting for Nolan.

Rookie of the year near-miss to demoted for Corey Patterson. I haven't seen a career trajectory like that since...Corey Patterson!

Demoralizing. Also demoralizing: THE RED SOX GOT SWEPT BY THIS SQUADRON.

The fourth place Red Sox?

Cal Ripken was an arrogant prick who started games long after his sklls had declined. Yeah, I said it.

That explains the extended comparisons between Jeter and Ripken.

That's an unfair comparison, Rob. At least Ripken changed positions to help the team.

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