Cogz 4 Calamity - A Special This Tweet in Baseball

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What is left for the pious ballplayer to do, after tearing up his knee during a post-walkoff celebration, than appeal to a higher authority? Aside from taking personal responsibility, I guess nothing.

Everyone's favorite crusader Chris Coghlan jacked up his knee attempting to pie the face of teammate Wes Helms after the Marlins 15th consecutive victory in their final at bat1, earning himself a cool 6-8 week stint on the disabled list.

Way to go Cogz, you've ruined it for the rest of us. We're soon to return to an age of firm handshakes and gentle slaps on the back to commemorate dramatic victories. A return to a bygone era when players were gentlemen and either high on greenies or drunk.

Post-game, the Marlins took the perfectly reactionary and predictable action to BAN shaving cream facials after walkoff victories. Talk about closing the barn door after the horses have already stung the eyes and filled the nostrils.

1 - Figure may not be accurate.

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At least he admitted he is terrible at planning. He did not admit as much after his attempt at amateur self-dentistry.

Though his attempts at animal husbandry ended pretty much the same.

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