Shark Attacks College Baseball Player; Hilarious Lede Written

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wow.sharkbaby.jpg Are all my posts at Walkoff Walk today going to be animal-related? Maybe! Over the weekend, a University of North Florida1 baseball player was bitten by a shark. Take it away, Take it away,!

JACKSONVILLE BEACH, Fla. -- A local college pitcher whose job it is to pound the strike zone found himself in the strike zone Friday afternoon at Jacksonville Beach.

Okay, let's move to the Florida Times-Union's record of events for the rest of this post.

Twenty-year-old Clayton Schultz was surfing and was bitten by a "powerful fish." It's unclear if it was a shark -- there are plenty of powerful fish in the sea -- but like every other media outlet, Walkoff Walk is just going to take the scare word and run with it. Our baseball players are under attack from a barrage of sharks!

Schultz needed over 300 stitches to repair the bite on his foot. I'd say this sharks-attacking-ballplayers trend will hit the majors by next week. Obviously Carlos Zambrano will be the first player bitten. Sorry, Big Z!

1 This school is abbreviated UNF, a backronym for sex sounds. Who wouldn't want to go there, shark attacks or no?

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Other powerful fish? Aquawallaby.

Strike zone? Sounds more like the DANGER ZONE!


"We're gonna need a bigger bullpen car."

Before we mock UNF too much, perhaps we should take time to consider the fact that one of their dorms has a LAZY RIVER. Did your school have a lazy river? Mine did not.

They also have "B.L.O.C. - a bean-bag lounge on campus" - and "Joe's Diner," a fifties-themed diner that ironically does not serve food.

Any chance we can get Livan Hernandez to vacay down there?

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