Are all my posts at Walkoff Walk today going to be animal-related? Maybe! Over the weekend, a University of North Florida1 baseball player was bitten by a shark. Take it away, Take it away, news4jax.com!
JACKSONVILLE BEACH, Fla. -- A local college pitcher whose job it is to pound the strike zone found himself in the strike zone Friday afternoon at Jacksonville Beach.
Okay, let's move to the Florida Times-Union's record of events for the rest of this post.
Twenty-year-old Clayton Schultz was surfing and was bitten by a "powerful fish." It's unclear if it was a shark -- there are plenty of powerful fish in the sea -- but like every other media outlet, Walkoff Walk is just going to take the scare word and run with it. Our baseball players are under attack from a barrage of sharks!
Schultz needed over 300 stitches to repair the bite on his foot. I'd say this sharks-attacking-ballplayers trend will hit the majors by next week. Obviously Carlos Zambrano will be the first player bitten. Sorry, Big Z!
1 This school is abbreviated UNF, a backronym for sex sounds. Who wouldn't want to go there, shark attacks or no?
Other powerful fish? Aquawallaby.
Strike zone? Sounds more like the DANGER ZONE!
STUPID SEXY SHARKS
"We're gonna need a bigger bullpen car."
Before we mock UNF too much, perhaps we should take time to consider the fact that one of their dorms has a LAZY RIVER. Did your school have a lazy river? Mine did not.
They also have "B.L.O.C. - a bean-bag lounge on campus" - and "Joe's Diner," a fifties-themed diner that ironically does not serve food.
Any chance we can get Livan Hernandez to vacay down there?