Motivating A Baseball Team: Even The Guy Next To You At The Bar Can Do It

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That there (as long as it hasn't been taken down yet) is footage of the Red Sox and Indians engaging in a spirited debate around the Fenway mound last evening. While the whole thing was insitgated by some beanball action, the argument really got heated when Josh Beckett and Shelley Duncan went nose to nose. My sources tell me they were arguing the merits of famed director Luis Bunuel's first French period vs. his second French Period. Duncan thinks the latter was too lighthearted, but what can Beckett say? Sometimes he just craves whimsy.

Sox manager Terry Francona also freaked out like a crazy maniac (too much Green Tea!) and looked like he wanted to pound Indians third base coach Steve Smith. But sitting at the bar watching this edition of Winstrol Theatre, it was plain even to Bob, the old guy next to me who works most nights and said he barely gets to watch games, that this was just another naked motivational ploy.

"Just trying to put a fire under their asses", said Bob. I nodded in agreement. Everyone knows this.

So why in the hell would it work? Or better yet, if it does work why don't players just realize it themselves? Here's Bill Hall after last night's game:

"Things like this will spark a team, obviously it pulls a team together,'' Hall said. "It shows that we care about what's going on with this season.

"There's a lot of superstars in this room, and for a team to come together and go out and show that this is a team and we're not going to let you push us around*, that's obviously something that can flip a switch and turn things around, and hopefully it does for us.''

Guhhhhh. ME, YOU AND OLD BOB ALREADY KNOW THIS. Why does Francona have to push his blood pressure to Don Zimmer levels to make it sink in? Motivate yourself, Red Sox! Go pick a fight with a bunch of fans leaving the Cask & Flagon. Go whoop ass on those crust punks that hang out by the Harvard Square T Station. Quit doing it during games when guys can get ejected/suspended/hit in the head by a fastball and you're already 7 games out in the division. Wake up, Dummies.

*especially if you're the freakin' INDIANS

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Francona mocked Smith and his daughter for finishing first in the sixth leg of The Amazing Race, and then being eliminated on the very next episode. "FIRST-TO-WORST," he chanted.

I am shocked, shocked I tell you that Beckett ended up looking like the biggest douche bag. This could have all been avoided if they were wearing WWJD bracelets.

Once, just once, I want the PA guy to play "Jet Song" during one of these bench-emptying dance routines.

Also, UU is right. Josh Beckett is a horse's ass.

Has any PA guy played "Why Can't We Be Friends?" during a bench-clearing "brawl" yet?

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