Nude, Wet Pat Burrell Once Rescued Aubrey Huff from Doldrums

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Giants slugger Aubrey Huff hasn't always been a topless lady lovin', all-around affable guy and total prankster. Nope, it took an intervention from a "dripping wet, buck naked" Pat Burrell back when they were teammates at the University of Miami to bust Huff out of his shell.

Here's Andrew Baggarly reporting for the San Jose Mercury News

"After two weeks at Miami, I wanted to go home," Huff said. "So my mom flies out, trying to convince me to stay. I was living with two seniors and they ragged me, too. I just didn't understand all this baseball ragging nonsense. She's in my room one night and I'm sitting on my bed and she's telling me to give it another two weeks.

"Anyway, there's a knock on the door, and before I can even get off the bed, Pat comes barging in with a six-pack in his hand, dripping wet, buck naked.

"So I jumped up and shut the door. Coming from Texas, these things didn't happen. I said, 'See what I'm dealing with here, mom?'

"She just started laughing and said, 'Actually, Aubrey, that's pretty darn funny.'

"I thought, 'My God, if my mom can laugh at this, why can't I?' "

Wow, that sounds like something Pat O'Brien would be into! "You, me, Betsy, my mom, a six pack, we'll go crazy!"

That nude, wet encounter changed Aubrey Huff for life. To wit:

Back in spring training, he couldn't stop staring at teammate Nate Schierholtz's washboard abs.

I wonder if his abs tapered down to a sexy "V" shape! No wonder Huff is always self-pleasuring on the road.

(we owe a sixer of Coke Zero to the cats at Baseball Think Factory)

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haha Pat was there to bang Aubrey's mom

@matt Pat came in a Huff.

The ironic part is that Burrell thought he was walking in to his Poly-Sci 102 class.


This is one of only a few websites where I'm relieved that the "nudes" tag doesn't work.

"Your mom way my wiener. High Five!"

More alleged Pat Burrell debauchery courtesy of Iracane's Deadspin commentariat (sic wherever):

Through a friend of a friend of a friend who worked for the Phillies at one point, here it goes. The Fightins' are on the road, and Pat brings a young lady back to his room, and they begin sexytime. At some point, Pat decides to turn her over and put it in her ass. As he's plowing her, he begins to scream, and I quote, "You're p*ssy is jealous! You're p*ssy is jealous!", waking up half the floor.

Oh, Deleted Scenes...

Long Live the Midnight Mayor of Center City!

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