Top Chef Goes to Nationals Park, Adam Dunn Gets Num Nums

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If you haven't been watching this season of the basic cable reality cooking game show "Top Chef", based this season in Washington, D.C., then you haven't been watching a Washington D.C.-based reality cooking game show on basic cable. No worries, that's why I'm here with a DVR, an iPhone camera, and too much free time.

With the number of cheftestants on the show whittled down to a mere six, it was finally time for the producers to take the group to Nationals Park for an elimination challenge. Before a game this April, the six folks tested their mettle at perhaps the toughest test yet: cookin' up fine dining versions of ballpark food, 'vending' them before a Nationals game in a concession stand, and suffering the slings and arrows of the judges, including Padma Lakshmi looking completely out of place in a Nats jersey.

Lucky for Nats players Adam Dunn, John Lannan, and former Nat Matt Capps, they were able to taste all the culinary creations and do their best to render their opinions on the dishes. Unfortunately, Dunn has about as good a grasp on the English language as he does on playing outfield defense. The level of his critiques ranged from the adolescent jokes about risotto balls to the simpleton remarks about flavor. Effectively: "Yum, that tastes good" or "Eww, yucky".


The highlight of the episode for Dunn and his cohorts, however, was the shot where Capps fed Adam. You can see in the photo above the results of the choo-choo train going into the tunnel. Yum-o, amirite? After the jump, I've tastefully arranged poorly-captured photographs of each of the six concessions. See if you can guess which dish won and which dish lost and tell me which of those foodstuffs you'd pay $8.50 for at a ballpark.







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Anyone else want to bang Artie, winner of the latest "Next Food Network Star"?

That accent is intoxicating, Chief.

Yeah, somebody get Padma a Rinku Singh GCL Pirates jersey, stat. Or, y'know, she can just strut around nude during sweeps month.

@Chief, um, no. She's all yours. However, the Italian chick with the accent was hot and yes I would want to bang her.

Can we all agree that the judges are afraid to eliminate Angelo because they're worried about his Travis Bickle je ne sais quoi.

Having never seen the show I'll guess the first dish one, and the tuna tartar lost. Who the hell would buy tuna tartar at a ballpark.

besides Rob.

Not only do minorities not hustle, they also are apparently incapable of enjoying fine cuisine and expressing their feelings about it.

Angelo is truly frightening, but less so than that tall psycho with the glasses who stole the pea puree. That guy definitely touches children.

Oh, and my vote is for the truly frightening one's glazed pork. People love pig.

winner: crab cake blt w/ fries
loser: tuna tartar

Would pay $8.50 for the meatball sub because I'm a dago and don't care if I get sauce on my guinea tank top.

Leave my crush on Artie out of this, Phony!

Aw come on. It's WalkoffWalk. The winnar has to be SHRIMP.

I would buy all of them at the park besides the tuna tartar and the risotto balls (SHRIMP ALLERGY Y'ALL, IT'S KINDA IRONIC HUH?)

Chief, you said "Angelo is truly frightening." He did the glazed pork, no?

Chief: The pea puree stealer is a real life Georg Festrunk.

Kevin got lucky last night, and probably survived because the judges rightly preferred his body of work over Amanda's. And, Kevin's body--SIZZLE.

My wife hates Amanda so much that she all but hisses whenever she shows up on the screen.

I could eat all 6 of those things and still be hungry. Give me some cheese curds damnit!!!

Chief, the guy who went out in week one looked like the jam band version of Sideshow Bob. Although I pitied him, he scared me plenty.

How do you guys find time to watch these shows when there is 3 hours (4 for yankees and redsox fans) of baseball on a night?

@BCTF, it's called the magic of DVR where an hour show turns into a 40 minute show.

The dirty hippie who got eliminated in week one deserved it. I also intensely dislike Amanda. Every time she shows up Ms. Wahoo yells that she's a crackwhore, which apparently she used to be.

And yet, Amanda's laughing about crazy Angelo's daily affirmations was damned funny.

Tuna tartare?! Are you fucking crazy?!

Like UU, I am of the Italian persuasion and would greatly enjoy that meatball sandwich. The crab cake BLT sounds tasty, but it'd be a giant mess to eat at your seat.

Awwww man! How come the GOOD posts go up on days when I'm not around? Now nobody's gonna read this.
1. Kenny got robbed.
2. The lack of investigation into the Pea Puree theft was appalling.
3. I would eat those Risotto balls by the bushelful.
4. Eric Ripert is a fucking Pansy. Every critique he has was "eeet wazz to messy for moi". You're at a ballpark, Eric, not the palace at Versailles. I'm sure your assistant will get you a wet-nap.
5. Underratedly mediocre? Kelly. She's the next to go home.

I'm here for you Nick, no worries.

1. Kenny was better than people who outlasted him but I think Tiffany and Ed would have eventually destroyed him.

2. Agreed. Peagate reeks of a coverup.

3. I don't often admit to wanting balls in my mouth but I'll make an exception here. I'd be cramming those in my maw by the handful.

4. Ripert knows fish, but he don't know eating.

5. I think Kelly is a little better than you believe, but still not in the same class as Ed and Tiffany. I do think she's a bitch, though. Shitty as Amanda was, she did lay her claim to crabs first. Who the hell is Kelly to say, 'No, I want crabs, you take fish instead". I would have told her to eat a bag of dicks and cooked crabs anyway.

1. Kenny was a great prep chef. That's it. His reputation on the show was built from being really fast at chopping onions. His dishes were too helter skelter and not simple enough for Tom Colicchio.

3. My friend Dave has a party every December where folks bring shit to drop in his deep fryer. I make risotto balls every year and one of his other friends makes the same joke every year: OH I CANT WAIT TO PUT ROBS BALLS IN MY MOUTH HARF HARF.

4. Don't talk shit about Ripert. His PBS cooking show is pure genius.

5. If I had to choose whose restaurant to visit, Kelly would be number one with a friggin bullet. She's the perfect chef: she's got a great vision and she's a megalomaniacal control freak. Which other one of these pretenders was on Iron Chef America? Exactly.

In the end, Kelly will win and Tiffany will take silver.

You have a friend with a deep fryer?

My money is on Tiffany.

1. I agree that Kenny's dishes were too complicated, but I still say his cooking runs laps around Amanda, Alex, or even Angelo.

4. I'm not casting aspersions on Ripert the Chef, just on Ripert the Ballpark Food Judge. He got a dribble of marinara on his cuff, and all of a sudden Tiffany was a sloppy cook.

5. It's Top Chef, not Top Restaurantier To Add To A Travel Itinerary. I'd love to go to Ben's Chili Bowl, but that doesn't mean he can outclass Ed or Tiffany.

Just to be a contrarian, I will take Ed.

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