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- Martin Prado, Braves: The All-Star 2B broke his pinky and will be out about two weeks. The broken pinky is a hilarious injury because even though it's just that little bitty finger they make you wear a huge cast that covers most of your hand and forearm. I saw a dude at a party the other night who had a huge American flag cast on his arm all cause of a broken pinky. It was probably meant to be ironic.
- Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox: Youk is going to miss the rest of the season after today's thumb surgery. Dude wasn't even on the epic MASH list that the Sox put together at the end of June. At least they didn't trade Mike Lowell yet! Lord, I hope they don't get swept in the Bronx this weekend.
- Carlos Silva, Cubs: An accelerated heartbeat forced Silva off the mound last Sunday. The sped up ticker was accompanied by shortness of breath. Medical condition or just too excited that the guy from Train was going to sing "Take Me Out To The Ballgame"? Carlos pumps "Drops Of Jupiter" before each start.
- Orlando Cabrera, Reds: Cabrera is on the deel after hurting his oblique during a swing. Everyone else on the DL is said to be upset and worried he'll disrupt their chemistry.
- Aaron Cook, Rockies: Heist participants Colorado put Cook on the DL with a sprained Big Piggy. Cook blames the ouchie for recent inffectiveness. If he weren't such a self centered dick he would have cut it off, then. Boo this man.
- Austin Kearns, Yankees: Raped by a wallaby.
- Brian Moehler, Astros: Moehler was in the midst of rehabbing a strained groin this week when he TORE it. Most ineffective trainer in baseball? Worst rehabber of the year? Did it sound like a torn piece of paper or more like popping bubble wrap? So many questions.
- Carlos Gomez, Brewers: Gomez took a scary fast ball to the head but CT scans were clear. THEY DIDN'T SHOW ANYTHING! HAR HAR! Gomez is mad the Cubs players didn't show more concern. Don't take it personal, Carlos. They were just wishing it had been them.