Michael Kay Eats Like An Insolent Five-Year-Old

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I don't get to watch many games on the YES Network or listen to many Yankee games on the radio. My opinions on Yankee announcers are mostly formed by what gets filtered through Blogotown and what I'm told by my Yankee loving friends. For the most part it's negative, but vaguely negative. I know Suzyn Waldman cried that time and no one seems to like her. John Sterling has those corny home run calls and no one seems to like him. Michael Kay has a head like a butterball turkey, is pretty smug and no seems to like him. Fine.

But if you're like me and you want a more tangible reason to dislike someone (not saying I need it, but it's nice), then peep this New York Post article about Kay, his fiancee and his disgusting eating habits.

Yankee announcer Michael Kay is a real meathead.

And now that local TV anchor Jodi Applegate is about to marry him, she's desperately trying to figure out how to please a man wedded to only three foods: steak, bacon, and chicken parmesan.

That's all her fiancé ever wants to eat.

"He will eat a salad, but only if it's iceberg lettuce, and nothing else, no dressing. So it's basically frozen water served with a fork," says Applegate, a self-described foodie wannabe.

How's that for a lede? He is a meathead! Give the New York Post a moronic story about two local semi-celebs and they're pumping out Pulitzer quality stuff.

Steak, bacon and chicken parm? I hope when these two get married he gets his own bathroom, because when he's been in there for 25 minutes and then strolls out with the funny pages tucked under his arm it's gonna smell like a dead Arby's employee buried under a pile of fertilizer. It's gonna make Dr. Atkins' movements smell like a Glade Plug-In.

On their first date, they ordered a caprese salad to share -- but Kay took all the mozzarella and left her the tomatoes.

"I was immediately nervous. I thought, 'OK, is he just a quirky guy, or is he really OCD about what he eats?' So I threw a tomato on his plate to see if he freaked out. He just laughed, thank goodness," she recalled.

She also tried to make him classic French beef bourguignon, which she told him was beef stew. That's when she learned he won't eat soup.

What a terrible date! Why is she marrying this giant toddler? He took ALL THE MOZZARELLA? I take back my earlier comments about Kay being in the bathroom. He's probably been backed up since Joe Torre was still managing. This is not a responsible adult. This isn't a picky eater. This is someone with deep emotional and psychological issues. And if you can relate to any of this, then you are too. WHO DOESN'T EAT SOUP? He's a menace and a ticking timebomb that shouldn't be allowed the power of the immense audience he is granted.

What's not to like about chicken parm?" he said. "It combines chicken with mozzarella. Two great tastes together, like a Reese's peanut butter cup."

He's so besotted with the dish that he wouldn't give up the hunt for it even when he and his fiancée went on a 10-day trip to Italy last year.

"It was like being on a great chicken-parm search through Tuscany and Rome," Applegate said. "We couldn't find it on any menus. Apparently, it's an American thing.

Kay was also shocked that macaroni isn't actually cooked on a grill and that there are no hot dog vendors in the Colosseum. WHAT KIND OF COLOSSEUM IS THIS???

Run, Jodi Applegate, run. How much money could this dude actually be worth? Then again, no matter much it is you won't have to wait that long to inherit it all. Oh, what a play by coronary artery disease!


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22 Comments

At least she knows what to cook her man for dinner every night.

Kay is terrible. Too bad the fake Michael Kay twitter account was shut down, it was great. Also, how the hell did he manage to score this?

http://www.google.com/images?client=gmail&rls=gm&q=TV%20anchor%20Jodi%20Applegate&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=og&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi&biw=1247&bih=586

I'm sorry, but anyone who marries that giant toolbag gets what she deserves. Christ, based on his on-air persona I'd expect him to eat nothing but giant piles of mashed potatoes that he covers in butter and shoves in his gaping maw while drooling and making slurping noises. You just know his favorite joke is the old "pull my finger" trick and he does it after every meal, throwing a hissy fit if she refuses.

@Chief, you joining the WoW fantasy football league this year?

Wasn't planning on it, UU, as I'm already in three leagues. I'll jump in if you guys are short a player and don't mind losing to me.

First person to draft a Cleveland Brown loses.

@Chief, as of about 30 minutes ago the league needed one more team.

As of right now we are filled up.

Nobody cares about your fantasy teams, btw.

"What's not to like about chicken parm?" he said. "It combines chicken with mozzarella"

I might be missing something here but doesn't chicken parm combine chicken and PARMESAN?

Never mind. I looked it up and chicken parm does have mozzarella. I would never make it on that reality tv cooking show that all of you guys seem to watch.

Damn, i don't get to utilize my "All Browns" draft strategy.

@Chief
I used that strategy when I was looking at someone to re-shingle my house for cheap.

Holy lord, BCTF is officially the squarest person I have never met in my entire life.

Someone needs to keep track of how many times Iracane tries to draft Jeter.

BCTF is officially the whitest person I have never met in my entire life. BCTF you need more Italian friends.

How was I supposed to know that Chicken Parmesean was made with mozzarella? That would be like making Tator Tot Hot Dish with hash browns.

That is a real mystery how an egghead -- literally -- like him managed to score her.

Pull my finger? No, with that much cheese, I'm sure Kay's favorite joke is giving his home run call anytime he gets a real reason to flush the toilet....SEE YA!

Chicken Parma-sean? That sounds like Irish food.

WHO BUT

I am going to call you out on every typo you make this week.

"Hey fans! OH WHAT A FUSSY EATER!"

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