The Uses Of Poetry: Today's Afternoon Games

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  • Cardinals at Pirates, In Progress: I just read somewhere that the Pirates are on the precipice of their 100th loss. The writer was pretty good, but not very Clooney. Why else should you watch this game? Um... Laz Diaz is umping at first base and it's always fun to hear people say Laz Diaz. So you know, that. And maybe the Pirates will win on a walkoff and the announcers will melt down again? I dunno. Watch it cause it's baseball and you're unemployed in Pittsburgh, St. Louis or Southern Illinois. Leave me alone.

  • Mariners at Blue Jays, In Progress: Watch this one because Felix is pitching (I, personally, am dropping the "King" thing) and Jose Bautista is going for his 5...DAMMIT I HATE WHEN I PUT UP THE AFTERNOON GAMES POST LATE. Jose Bautista just went Don Yardo for the 50th time this year. Move over Brady Anderson, idiots have a new stale steroids joke for the next 10 years!

  • Astros at Nationals, 4:35: The Astros are 55-0 since Jimy Williams took over and are starting a parakeet at second base. The Nationals send Chris Evert to the mound in search of her 20th win. The Nationals have taken 2 of the first 3 games in this 4 game series that could only be interesting to a 5 year old. Who wants to watch a Ric Flair video!?

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Looks like the Bucs are going to beone game closer to 100 L's before today is over.

Also, Jose Bautista was not drafted in this years 20 team WoW fantasy draft. Good move by he guy who picked him up as a free agent in the second week of the season.

/pats self on back for 3rd place finish
//nobody cares about my fantasy baseball team

Not only is this probably the first post on the internet to ever feature a Ric Flair tag and a William Carlos William tag but I did it without even thinking about Williams' initials.


/spray paints nWo


If the voters get it right Felix Hernandez might be the first starting pitcher with a .500 record or worse to win the Cy Young.

Obviously he doesn't know how to win games. He needs to be more or a "bull dog". That's how you win games.

If being a bulldog is how you win, why hasn't Jeremy Bonderman won the Cy Young every year since he came in?

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