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- Cardinals at Pirates, In Progress: I just read somewhere that the Pirates are on the precipice of their 100th loss. The writer was pretty good, but not very Clooney. Why else should you watch this game? Um... Laz Diaz is umping at first base and it's always fun to hear people say Laz Diaz. So you know, that. And maybe the Pirates will win on a walkoff and the announcers will melt down again? I dunno. Watch it cause it's baseball and you're unemployed in Pittsburgh, St. Louis or Southern Illinois. Leave me alone.
- Mariners at Blue Jays, In Progress: Watch this one because Felix is pitching (I, personally, am dropping the "King" thing) and Jose Bautista is going for his 5...DAMMIT I HATE WHEN I PUT UP THE AFTERNOON GAMES POST LATE. Jose Bautista just went Don Yardo for the 50th time this year. Move over Brady Anderson, idiots have a new stale steroids joke for the next 10 years!
- Astros at Nationals, 4:35: The Astros are 55-0 since Jimy Williams took over and are starting a parakeet at second base. The Nationals send Chris Evert to the mound in search of her 20th win. The Nationals have taken 2 of the first 3 games in this 4 game series that could only be interesting to a 5 year old. Who wants to watch a Ric Flair video!?