Tim Lincecum Does Not Want To Play With Your Dried-Out Balls

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That's Giants star pitcher Tim Lincecum uttering a naughty missive against what he perceives to be juiced baseballs at Coors Field. If you read lips as well as I do, he's saying, "Fuckin' juiced ball bullshit". Language, son! Lincecum spun a gem against the Rockies on Friday night (8 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 9 K) but wasn't happy unless he had a baseball that he believed was properly stored in the humidor.

Ever since 2002, when the nerds figured out that baseballs can shrink and harden a mile high up in Denver, the Rockies have stored baseballs in a humidor. Dry, hard balls travel farther. You gotta moisten them up with some humidity to keep the playing field level for pitchin' folk. Perhaps Lincecum thinks that the Rockies are switching out the humid balls for dry ones when they come to bat and need a tidy rally. If so, Tim is accusing the Rockies of cheating.

In an interview with Giants beat writer Andrew Baggarly, Lincecum admitted to making the remarks:

Q: Is it typical for you to have three or four balls changed out in other venues?
A: I've done that myself a couple times in games, whether it's a rubbed up ball or a ball with a scuff in it. You just want to start out with a fresh ball. I guess I was just verbalizing the speculation.

Q: Can you tell the difference between a humidor ball and a non-humidor ball?
A: I don't know. Sometimes you get a ball that feels a little softer than others. Whether that's in the humidor or not ... that's all I've ever experienced is the humidor balls, or they're supposed to be humidor balls.

Whether or not Lincecum's comments were taken to heart by the higher-ups at MLB, they will nonetheless step up their enforcement and order the Rockies to keep the baseballs within sight of the umpires during the entire game. These new rules will take effect for the final week of the season, but with the Rockies four-and-a-half games out and hosting the desolate Dodgers and crappy Cardinals, the dampness of their baseballs might not matter anyway.

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That ball was too dank maaaaaaaaaan

This year they must also be using juiced balls in Arizona, Los Angeles, and like half the time in San Francisco, too.

So what are they using in Seattle?

Get me those schwiggity schwag balls.

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