Welcome to the official Walkoff Walk liveglog of the second game of the 2010 World Series! The National League champion Giants took a one game to none lead on the Texas Rangers last night in a high-scoring affair. But with a win tonight, the Rangers can still grab home field advantage from San Fran as the series moves to Texas, where postseason baseball is helping the locals forget just how bad the Cowboys are.
Your pitchers tonight are Matt Cain (one-time face of the franchise!) and C.J. Wilson (the taoist, liberal racist) and, if you are among the 342 million people in the United States who still have access to the FOX network, your announcers are these two schmucks:
Ick! I feel sorry for you folks. Me, I'm just a poor, poor, pitiful Cablevision subscriber, so the FOX network is blacked out for me. Who do I blame in this miasma? Everyone! So I'll grin and listen to Kuiper and Krukow on the Giants radio network, via the MLB app on my iPhone. That should free up enough computer cycles for me to do an OLD SCHOOL LIVEGLOG.
So join me at 7:30PM this evening and dive on in. Little Ron Washington insists.
7:05PM: You should see the rig I've got setup in my home office, what with my 7-year-old desktop computer that, hopefully, can receive an illegal video feed of the World Series, my laptop opened on the desk next to a bottle of Dogfish Head Punkin Ale and a Trader Ming's Peanut Satay Noodles & Sauce box, and no pants. None pants at all. This is October baseball, people.
7:10PM: But shh, nobody tell C.J. Wilson about the boozin'. Fella's getting his zen koans all in order and I don't want to disrupt his straight-edginess. No matter, I've got a feeling that he's going to have a terrible time dealing with the Giants power right-handers tonight. Also, if any of that pot smoke lingers into the dugout, he might burrow in Vladimir Guerrero's armpit to protect his virginal nostrils.
7:15PM: Heh, via Dmac comes Jayson Stark's photo of Jim Caple and that awful shill and hanger-on Rob Schneider:
7:20PM: I think Matt Cain will have an easier go of it tonight, even though he was helped by luck just as much as Wilson during the year. Those sabermetric nerds tell us that both guys had really low home run rates, which is descriptive and not predictive, or something. What's that mean? No idea, except if the two starters do pitch well tonight, maybe we've got a low-scoring, fast-paced game ahead of us.
7:25PM: I was talking with Dmac today and I suggested that, what with all the talk about Tim Lincecum and marijuana and Ron Washington and cocaine and Josh Hamilton and, well, everything, this might be the recreational druggiest World Series ever. But then he suggested the 1986 Mets and I recalled the 1979 Pirates. So now I think it's just the first time, a World Series has been so openly about drugs more than any other human interest story. In order of importance, first we talk about the baseball, then we talk about the dope. It's a meme!
7:30PM: Okay, it's 7:30 which means that my search for an actual working feed of the World Series on FOX begins...now. Last night, I noodled around with a couple different feeds before I found the ESPN Taiwan broadcast, featuring color commentator Rick Sutcliffe. I can only imagine the confused Taiwanese folk asking one another, "Do all former Cubs pitchers slur their speech?"
7:35PM: Things I've had to install on this desktop computer to get up to speed so far: several Windows updates. New antivirus software. New version of Firefox. Another Windows update. SimCity 3000 (that's for later). Illegal streaming software.
7:40PM: Why, hello, Mr. Sutcliffe! So nice to welcome you back into my home again tonight. (File that under things I thought I'd never say). So I guess the proper term for this channel is ESPN America, which I presume is broadcast all over the world. What does that mean? There are probably people in Kuala Lumpur who can watch the World Series on their big screen HDTV sets, while this Joe American is stuck sneaking around to find an illegal feed. I give that one huge jingoistic harrumph!
7:45PM: I'm a bit too far away from the big city and a bit stuck behind a very inconvenient mountain to get much use out of an indoor antenna on my television set. I guess it'd be worth a try, but I'm getting way too much pleasure out of my self-indignation and even more pleasure by "sticking it to the man". Oh, hello, Vladimir Guerrero blooper reel!
7:50PM: Wait a minute, Lady Antebellum is two dudes and a broad? Is this a joke, like how Lady Gaga is really a dude? Lovely rendition of our National Anthem, though. Needed a bit more ra-ra-ro-ma-ma, though.
7:55PM: Worst part about ESPN America? Constant cacophonous Colin Cowherd commercials can crush creativity. Oh I'm having a bit of a tear now as they are showing the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake footage. I'll never forget where I was when that happened...in my bedroom, where I watched every World Series from 1986 to 1995.
7:56PM: The official Giants season ticketholders rally t-shirt is spectacular:
8:00PM: I AM SO EXCITED FOR BASEBALL. Nice touch that the teams announce themselves with their home countries; there are more foreign-born players in this World Series than any World Series ever. VIVA LOS FOREIGNERS! First pitch is a ball, second pitch a strike. WE ARE PLAYING NOW!
8:02PM: Easy-peasy lemon squeezy first inning for the be-froed Matt Cain. Be-froed, is that a word? Is there a better adjective to describe a person who wears such luscious curls in his hairdo? When I was three, I had beautiful, long, natural curls and my parents took a picture of me wearing a sailor suit that they later put in my senior year yearbook. Where am I going with this?
8:05PM: Rick Sutcliffe just promised us that C.J. Wilson will someday pitch a no-hitter but he can also get into trouble with walks. Basically, Rick Sutcliffe just said that Wilson is the left-handed A.J. Burnett. SORRY! He starts off with a strike to Torres. Yowza!
8:10PM: Wilson also likes to "nibble" and wants hitters to "chase balls". Watch out because I think The Machine is going to come walking around the corner and then we're all screwed. And holy crap, look at all those ridiculous Phiten necklaces around C.J. Wilson's neck! He looks like the kind of guy who sits up late at night watching infomercials and investing in gold when the price is at its absolute peak. There's a sucker born every minute. This minute belongs to C.J. Wilson.
8:11PM: Easy one-two-three inning for Wilson even though Moreland's foot was totally off the bag. Did Tim McCarver say it was a good call? Because it wasn't and the ESPN dudes knew it.
8:15PM: Via the Flip Flop Fly Ballin' Tumblr:
8:17PM: Second beer of the night: Dogfish Raison D'Etre. At this rate, there may not be a fourth beer. Heck, at this rate there might not even be a third beer. This Delaware stuff is hardcore, just ask Christine O'Donnell. Zoo With Roy is live-tweeting the Charlie Brown Great Pumpkin cartoon. Isn't it sad how Phillies fans have retreated to adolescence to make up for such a brutal beatdown? Three easy outs for Matt Cain, including one ball kept in the ballpark by the wind and a deep, deep fence in right-center.
8:20PM: Matt Cain is peppering the corners with aplomb. C.J. Wilson is counting on his defense to not commit a million errors like last night. Pat Burrell just wants the game to end already so he can put on his costume:
8:24PM: Pat Burrell strikes out looking silly as is his wont but Cody Ross gets the game's first hit and is the game's first baserunner and slides headfirst into second with the game's first dirty uniform. Here's Aubrey Huff:
8:28PM: C.J. Wilson deals with Aubrey Huff, moving Ross to third, and bringing Juan Uribe and his Jazz Hands to the plate. Matt Treanor blocks a ball in the dirt and Sutcliffe actually suggests that the official scorer credit Treanor with an RBI for that. What the? Anyway, Uribe flies out to end the inning.
8:33PM: Top of the third and Matt Cain is pitching a perfect game. It's not too soon to say that, right? Back to the druggiest World Series ever meme, isn't it nutty that Tim Lincecum has been co-opted as an unwilling spokesperson for Prop 19, which would keep doobies legal in California?
8:34PM: Nix the no-hitter, Mitch Moreland singled. Mitch should not be a professional athlete's name. Mitch belongs on an IT guy's badge or something. C.J. Wilson bunts Mitch the IT Guy over to second.
8:37PM: ESPN America just showed an eight-year-old boy in the stands with a Brian Wilson beard that was drawn hastily on his face with a Sharpie marker. There hasn't been a worse Halloween costume since Liakos' mother sent him out trick-or-treating with an empty fried chicken bucket and orders to tell strangers that he was Wade Boggs on a bender. Cain gets through the third. Still 0-0.
8:41PM: For your amusement, I give you Tim Lincecum dressed like a foppish dandy:
8:46PM: Pretty quick first out for STRAIGHT EDGE RACER but then he gives up a seeing-eye single to the opposing pitcher. Then, a fly out by Torres and a groundout. End of three. Now, a video I dedicate to C.J. Wilson:
8:50PM: As per the ESPN America cameras, the beer stands at AT&T Park are absolutely packed. Oh, how I long to be back on the centerfield concourse out there right now, inhaling a gigantic kielbasa and sucking down a delicious Anchor Steam brew! Cain retakes the mound and promptly retires Mike Young on a grounder, Josh Hamilton on a long fly to the gap in left-center.
8:52PM: For the love of God, get Matt Cain some run support! Cain is done with four scoreless innings having thrown just 46 pitches. SWEET MOTHER OF GOD WHAT IS THE HOLDUP?
8:58PM: Buster Posey strikes out but doesn't quite run to first base, expecting the inevitable. Save your energy, Buster. Here's Pat Burrell, who has been here and done that too many times to give a turkey. There are ladies to be wooed in the Tenderloin later on.
9:00PM: Pat Burrell decides the ladies can wait, is patient, walks.
9:03PM: Sutcliffe actually gave some credit to Cody Ross for bringing the crowd to its feet with that long fly ball. It's as if Rick lives in an alternate sabermetric universe where a player gets extra performance credits for inciting a hometown crowd. No matter, David Murphy snags a liner to end the inning, and a million people opine that Vladimir Guerrero would never have caught that, even though he totally would have.
9:06PM: IAN KINSLER HOME RUN! Or is it?!? Umpire ruling it a double but we might have a review coming up. Stay tuned.
9:08PM: Update: it was just a double as it bounced off the top of the centerfield wall. Great camera angle on the ESPN Americas.
9:10PM: Former Red Sox David Murphy lines out, Misty May's boy toy Matt Treanor grounds out. The Hebrew Mini-Hammer Ian Kinsler in danger of being stranded on second base.
9:12PM: Mitch your IT Guy gets the intentional walk so Matt Cain can pitch to his nemesis, hipster teetotaler C.J. Wilson, who grounds out to first, unassisted. We're through four and a half, you guys!
9:14PM: Because there's really no other reason to use this, I give you Ian Kinsler's big whoopsie-doodle from last night:
9:18PM: Time for the Drudge siren! I lost my feed! Taken down by the powers that be!
9:20PM: Edgar Renteria allegedly homered while my feed was down. It's back now, but c'mon, that's shitty timing. 1-0 Giants.
9:23PM: Wilson calms himself down a bit and gets the final two outs of the inning. Here's that screencap of the Ian Kinsler double off the top of the wall I wanted to see so badly. Damn! So close.
9:26PM: Edgar Renteria hitting a home run is just another part of the 1990s retro thing coming back into style, just like the return of flannel shirts and Gin Blossoms records. Renteria is silky smooth in the field, too, forcing Andrus out at first with his nifty glove-arm combo.
9:29PM: Singles machine Mike Young collects another...you guessed it...singles. This guy gets more singles than your kid sister on a Saturday night.
9:31PM: Josh Hamilton follows up with a bloop single to right but Ian Kinsler does not advance to third...all is forgiven, though, as Cain's changeup bounces off the plate and gets past Posey. Runners on second and third. Tension!
9:33PM: Cain forces an epic pop-out by Nelson Cruz. No man has needed an easy out like that since George W. Bush left his miasmas to the black guy.
9:35PM: Kinsler flies out and the threat has been neutralized. Here's King Buzzo of the Melvins, via Matt_T's Twitter:
9:41PM: C.J. Wilson gets two quick outs. Via Phillies beat blogger @jrfinger comes this fast fact about our hero, Pat Burrell:
9:45PM: Of course, as soon as I publish that nifty tweet, Pat Burrell puts one in play and grounds out. We are through six, people.
9:47PM: Defensive do-si-do! Pat Burrell is out of the game, Cody Ross moves from right field to left, and Nate Schierholtz enters as the right fielder. Pretty key for a one-run game in the late innings.
9:50PM: Matt Cain is a golden god. In deference to his glorious start and the San Francisco music scene, I give you the seventh inning stretch song. 1-0 Giants.
9:55PM: I asked for it, I got it. Here's a screengrab of the Ian Kinsler double that sat atop the outfield wall before bouncing back into the field of play, via @bubbaprog: SCREENCAP. Follow that dude.
10:00PM: Omigod, you guys. Huge news from the New York Times paper of Grey Lady record tonight. Giants "slugger" Jose Guillen has been linked to a STEROID investigation and the MLB folk advised the Giants to leave him off the playoff roster. Read up but come back so we can shrug our shoulders together and say "who knew!"
10:02PM: You know how sometimes you get a hot dog at a baseball game and then later that night, on the ride home, you burp and taste the hot dog all over again? I'm pretty sure I can still taste a hot dog I ate during an ALDS game at Yankee Stadium.
10:03PM: C.J. Wilson gets pulled with a blister on his throwing hand. Sorry, fella. Go fix that shit with some holistic medicine or whatever. The other Darren (Oliver) will come in to pitch to Huff. Will Aubrey Huff bunt? Will he swing away? Either way, we will be forced to:
10:07PM: I've switched to the ESPN Spanish feed, or as I like to call it ESPN-Yoll. Let's see if I can figure out what's happening based solely on the visuals, and without the crutch that is Rick Sutcliffe's "analysis". HAHAHAHAHA
10:09PM: Juan Uribe Jazz Hands! Uribe's single drives in a run, 2-0 Giants.
10:11PM: Actual quote from the ESPN-Yoll announcer: "Buenos tardes y buenos noches por Bruce Bochy" Whaa?
10:13PM: Actual call from the ESPN-Yoll announcer: "NO no NO no NO no Cody Ross". We're headed to the eighth inning, people.
10:15PM: I can't even remember the last time I've liveglogged a game all the way into the eighth inning. Totally a bold move by Senor Bruce Bochy to leave Matt Cain in the game to hit in the seventh. He'll want a tidy eighth inning now. Who wouldn't!
10:18PM: Matt Cain gets one out but then walks Elvis Andrus, bringing up the dangerous singles hitter Mike Young.
10:20PM: But oh oh oh Matty Cain gets
would-be AL MVP Josh Hamilton Young to fly out to right. Two down. And his night is done as Bruce Bochy decides to bring in former Red Sox scrub Javier Lopez.
10:22PM: You know what this game needs? FOUR LOKO.
We're up all night, amirite?
10:24PM: Lopez gets the job doneskis, retiring Jambone to fly out. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON. The man on my video feed is hablaing Espanol and all of a sudden I don't know where my wallet is. Bottom 8th, dos to zero Gigantes.
10:27PM: Ron Washington bullpen yada yada yada. Did you know that Andres Torres is Spanish is Andres Torres?
10:30PM: The Spanish language announcers were just discussing both Aerosmith and, seemingly unrelated, "The Final Countdown". I kid you not. The one guy even sang the hook.
10:33PM: The other other Darren gets Torres to strike out. Brian Wilson strides towards the bullpen mounds to warm up. You know what that means.
10:38PM: Buster Posey singles up the middle with dos outs prompting Little Ronnie Washington to bring in Derek Holland to face Nate Schierholtz. I literally have no idea how to spell Schierholtz but also don't think it's worth the time to look it up.
10:40PM: N8 ScheyerLouHoltz walks bringing up Playoff Legend Cody Ross. Glad I am watching the ESPN-Yoll feed since I was not subject to a Justin Bieber shoutout just now.
10:43PM: Cody Ross walks bringing up Aubrey Huff.
10:46PM: Derek Holland seriously has absolutely no idea where the strike zone is. He walked Buster Posey and forced in a run. That's totally on Little Ronnie Washington, who left his best reliever sitting on his hands in the bullpen while Derek effin Holland threw eleven straight balls out of the strike zone.
10:49PM: It's 3-0 and the bases are still loaded. Ron Washington has chosen to bring in Mark Lowe to face Juan Uribe, because why not?
10:55PM: Uribe walks, Shyerhalts scores, Renteria scores, two more runs score, the rout is on, and Brian Wilson returns to the dugout to sit and grin and take in the walloping.
10:58PM: Mike Fontenot is announced as the pinch-hitter but gets pulled back for Aaron Rowand. On to pitch for the Rangers is MIchael Kirkman, This is like the night of a thousand scrubs.
11:00PM: Yeah, it's 6-0 Giants but it feels like the score is like 289-0 at this point. Wow, what MIASMIC management of one's bullpen by Little Ronnie Washington. Joe Girardi is spinning in his grave right now.
11:01PM: Aaron Rowand, aka Bacon Pants, triples in two more runs. It's 8-0. This is officially an embarrassment.
11:02PM: Single by Torres. 9-0 Giants. San Fran better slow down and bank some of these runs for Games 3-4-5. Oh wait, those are in the ultimate hitters park. YOU CANNOT STOP LOS GIGANTES, YOU CAN ONLY HOPE TO CONTAIN THEM.
11:07PM: And, the ninth inning has arrived. The Giants put up a seven-spot in the eighth and now possess an in-sur-mount-able eight run lead. Pitching for the Giants now is Guillermo Mota, making his 2010 postseason debut.
11:10PM: Mota was once suspended 50 games for violating the substance abuse policy, so David Chalk has rendered this World Series null and void.
11:12PM: David Murphy walks. The Giants have scored 20 runs in their two wins, and all twenty runs have come with two outs. Put that in your corncob pipe, tamp it down, and smoke it.
11:15PM: And an ugly, lopsided game ends on a Jeff Francouer fly out. COULD IT BE MORE PERFECT!? The Gigantes takes a 2-0 series lead to Arlington for Game 3, which is Saturday night at the super early time of 6:57PM EDT. See you then! Thanks for joining us tonight.