The 2010 Walkoff Walk Playoff Previews: Atlanta Braves

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The playoff previews continue, folks. We were lucky enough to have a typewritten letter from Braves third baseman Chipper Jones overnighted from Turner Field and delivered to the WoW offices early this morning. The paper was splattered with Dom Perignon and scented with deer musk, so I know for a fact that Chipper himself wrote it. He has kindly previewed the Braves' chances in the 2010 postseason for us in the letter, so we want to share it with you. Here's a transcript:

DEAR FOOD FANATICS,

WELL HERE WE ARE AGAIN FALL HAS FALLEN AND OL CHIP AND HIS BOYS ARE BACK IN THE CHASE FOR THE CUP IT FEELS GOOD LIKE A WELL WORN CIRCLE Y SADDLE - THE PREFERRED SADDLE OF THE DOUBLE DIME.

SO FIRST OFF CONGRATULATIONS ARE DUE TO THE NEW YORK CITY YANKEES FOR WINNING THE WILD CARD DIVISION OF THE AL. YOU MUST THINK I'M CRAZY FOR PROPPING THEM OUT BUT SEE US BRAVES WON THE WILD CARD DIVISION OF THE NL AND THAT MEANS WE BEAT OUT ABOUT 12 OTHER TEAMS TO WIN OUR WAY INTO THE BIG DANCE AS OPPOSED TO THE PHILADELPHIANS WHO ONLY HAD TO BEAT OUT 4 TEAMS IN ONE DIVISION MAN WE BEAT THE WHOLE LEAGUE. I WAS NEVER A ROCKET BUILDER OR ANYTHING BUT I CAN SEE A BIG DIFFERENCE WHEN I SEE ONE

SO WITH THAT KIND OF DATA YOU MIGHT THEN SAY THAT WE HAVE THE BEST CHANCE TO RAISE THE SELIG TROPHY AT THE END OF THE YEAR AND I WOULD SAY THAT YOU ARE RIGHT LIKE A BUCK IN THE BRUSH. BUT IF YOU HAVENT FOLLOWED BASEBALL MUCH AND I SUPPOSE IF YOU ARE ON THIS MUSIC BLOG YOU PROBABLY HAVENT I WILL GIVE YOU A HANDFUL OF REASONS WHY THE ATLANTA FIGHTING WRENBIRDS (WHAT UP FRANK) ARE WALKING AWAY WITH THIS WHOLE BAG OF BONES

FIRST OF ALL IS THE EXPERIENCE REMEMBER THE LAST TIME WE DIDN'T PLAY IN THE POSTSEASON YEAH THAT WAS LIKE LAST YEAR AND A FEW YEARS BEFORE BUT OTHER THAN THAT WEVE BEEN THE TOP DOG FOR 18 STRAIGHT. SO WE ARENT RUNNING SCARED LIKE A BULL ON BRANDING TUESDAY

SECOND UP IS OUR ROSTER I MEAN LOOK AT IT GLAUS IS LIKE ADAM LAROCHE IN HIS PRIME AND ALEX GONZALEZ REALLY IMPRESSED ME I MEAN I MISS YUNEL AND ALL BUT THIS KID CAN PLAY AND THEN OF COURSE IS MARTIN PRADO WHO WON THE TRIPLE CROWN THIS YEAR AS THE BEST HITTER IN BASEBALL AND THEN THERES MCLOUTH WHOSE SPIRIT IS LIKE SID BREAM I THINK IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH PITTSBURGH COAL OR SOMETHING OH AND ALSO HEYWARD THE KIDS LIKE HIM

AND THEN LAST BUT DEFINITELY NOT WORST IS BIG BOB COX WHO IS MANAGING US IN HIS SWAN SONG SEASON. AT THE MIDDLE OF THE YEAR WHEN I WENT DOWN IN A HEAP OF PAIN BOB ASKED ME IF WE SHOULD JUST PLAY OUT THE STRING AND TRY FOR IT NEXT YEAR AND I TOLD HIM WHAT DO YOU CARE OLD MAN YOURE GETTING YOUR GOLD WATCH IN SEPTEMBER AND THEN YOURE OUTTA HERE UNLIKE ME WHO WILL BE AT THIRD FOR ANOTHER 6 OR 7 YEARS AND HE LAUGHED WHICH WAS GOOD BECAUSE I WASN'T JOKING AND HE HAS A SICK LEFT HOOK. SO WE ARE ALL BANDING TOGETHER LIKE A PACK OF BIRDS AND WE ARE GONNA GO WIN THIS THING FOR COXIE WHICH IS ABOUT AS MUCH MOTIVATION AS ONE MAN NEEDS.

SO COME JOIN YOUR OL PAL CHIP ON THIS WILD HAYRIDE INTO OCTOBER I PROMISE THERES PLENTY OF ROOM ON THIS TRAILER WITH JACKRABBIT JERKY FOR ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.

YOURS IN BLOOD,
CHIPPER "LARRY" JONES

Thanks, Chip!


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11 Comments

Mark Teixeira wishes he was this eloquent.

(WHAT UP FRANK)

true lol

If only the Braves had a Brian Duensing!

I was hoping we'd hear from OL CHIP. Thank you, the internet.

@rob
They do!

Has the ACL tear affected CHIP's ability to climb into tree stands?

Chipper actually had the best speech at the Bobby Cox ceremony. I totally expected him to speak in the Ole Chip voice.

The Braves will win the NL pennant due to the fact that Eric Hinske is on their roster. He's played in 3 straight WS for 3 different teams, "the trend is your friend."

WHAT UP FRANK is the new yes we can

Also, the best part about Chipper's speech at Bobby's ceremony? Him referring to himself as Larry Wayne Jones.

It's getting misty at my desk. Beautiful job, CHIP.

"WHAT UP FRANK" is totally going to be a hook on my next mixtape.

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