Goodbye Forever, Corey Patterson

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No, our longtime favorite power/speed guy is not retiring from the sport. We're the ones leaving! But it would feel awkward to walk away from the blog without at least a farewell to one of the most Walkoff Walkiest baseball players of the three years we've covered the game. We did not create the "Do not hit Corey Patterson leadoff" meme, we only pushed it past its natural boundaries and tried to capitalize on it monetarily...sorta. We sold several Corey Patterson t-shirts over the years but never made any commission off of them. Businessmen, we are not.

We started following Corey back in April of 2008 after he was inserted as the leadoff man for Dusty Baker's Reds. We even liveglogged his second game of the season, maintained the feature for a bit, started an Eric Patterson watch, kept track of Corey's comings and goings, started (and ended) a Corey Haim watch, christened a new Corey Patterson, followed our hero to the Brewers and the Nationals, and explored the sordid world of messing around with the manager's daughter. Whew! We blanketed the blog with Corey Patterson nonsense like FOX News pushes faux terror scares in your face. FAIR AND BALANCED.

Forgive us for the excessive coverage of the guy but c'mon, there is just something comically mellifluous about the five-syllables of Corey's name that make him such an easy target on the blog. Lucky for you, dear reader, you can continue monitoring Patterson's progress over at Drew's Ghostrunner on First...Corey's a Blue Jay now!

Thing is, as much as we poked fun at baseball managers for continuously batting our hero in the leadoff spot, we never wanted to imply that Corey Patterson was a worthless player. Heck, he is fast and he does have power and a good glove. Is he a guy you want to pencil into your starting lineup every day? No. Is he a good bench player/defensive replacement/pinch runner/pinch hitter? Yes! He's worth 5.6 WAR over his career. That's a positive number!

But my favorite part of the Corey Patterson-Walkoff Walk marriage happened in Christmas of 2009 when our star reader/commenter The Colonel gave us a tidy holiday gift: Walkoff Walk's sponsorship of the Corey Patterson page at Baseball Reference. I feel bad that Colonel just renewed the sponsorship as we are now in our death throes as a blog...but let this blogpost serve as our sincere apology and gratitude for his investment. Our fine blog may not last forever but the legend of Corey Patterson will live on. Thanks, Colonel.

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eyebeleaf is interested in this "Corey Patterson Watch."

I hope Corey Patterson understands that we torment because we love... at least in this case, anyway.

Now that he's retiring from WoW, Rob is starting a Corey Pavin watch (it's because Pavin looks like Joe Girardi).

Also: eyebeleaf is interested in this "Corey Patterson Watch."
A better comment will not be made during the course of this final month. Go home, everyone.

I miss Jon Bois' sponsorship of Bill Childers' page.

Gotta leave with a cliffhanger: is this my last post on WOW that has nothing to do with the post?

Or will I revive the ole businessorleisure namesake and make of fun of Liakos one last time?


According to Skreened they actually owe us $3.50. For like 50 shirts.

Now I know how Indonesian children feel.


I can just imagine it now.

The home opener at the Rogers CentRE. Tens of fans in the bleachers waiting to greet their Blue Jays for the promise of a good season. Amidst the few cheers and beer induced yelling, the twinkling lights of the scoreboard flash, revealing the lineup for the home team. As it is displayed, the announcer calls the batter to the plate. "Batting leadoff, number (whatever he will be) COREEEEEEEEEY PATTTTTTERSON!!!! Stunned, the crowd goes silent. With the crowed in awe, and not a noise being heard, a scream can be heard, coming way off from the distance in a foreign land called New Jersey. A man screams "NOOOOOOOO!!!" as he chokes on a capicola and mortadella sandwich. Elsewhere, in New York City, a musician is seen crying. Crying over the tattered remains of a Garfield t-shirt torn to shreds.

As he walks to the plate, Corey says to himself, under his breath, "I'm so sorry. This isn't my fault. I told them not to do this, but they insisted." As he gets into position, ready for the pitcher's first throw, a single tear streams down his cheek.

Sounds about riteamirite?

Corey : Wow :: Hat Guy : FJM
RIP Hat Guy

I thought this was a cooking blog. Make with the recipes already.

Kris - you have flies on the white parts of your eyeballs?

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