Once More Unto the Breach, Chunky Friends

| | Comments (15)

Fat-Sox.JPGDuring this most self-indulgent and navel-gazing period of slow Walkoff Walk death, I encourage you all to take some time & comb through the archives.

Not only will you discover more typographical errors than a baseball player's twitterfeed, you'll also discover many recurring topics. Each of us has our own pet projects. As WoW draws to a close, it is my turn to say farewell to one of my favorite subjects: the big fat dynamos of the White Sox bullpen.

Not only are we at Walkoff Walk saying good bye to our planetoid muses on the South Side, the Sox themselves are taking a new tack with the relief corps. Bobby Jenks assumes Rich Garcas' old jersey/pool cover in Boston and J.J. Putz now orders personal taco platters for the Snakes, meaning the White Sox bullpen has a whole new identity.

Signing lanky lefty Will Ohman is a sure indicator of change. Though reports of his girth vary wildly depending on the source, his average fastball velocity only checks in around 90 mph. These aren't your diabetic father's Sox relievers. Ohman manages decent strikeout numbers despite his soft-tossing ways, ensuring temporary passage into the exclusive buffet.

Youthful beanpole Chris Sale figures to be a bullpen fixture for 2011. With a crowded rotation the Sox don't seem rushed to move the very tall, very skinny Sale into the rotation. Despite weighing in at a paltry 170 pounds, Sale and his 95 mph bring the heat in a most Pale Hosian fashion.

Not all hope is lost for the Second City's purveyors of deep dish pizza. The Sox signing of Adam Dunn and all the pirogies stuffed with cannoli Paul Konerko's new bazillion dollar contract can buy keeps the Sox charter flights from carrying any extra fuel. Moving the beef from the pen to the dugout simply ensures better drainage at U.S. Cellular. Farewell, my obese friends. I'll miss your surly expressions and multiple chins. Stay large!

PREVIOUS: Baseball Before Bedtime and The Dutch Oven: Together Forever in Hell   |   NEXT: A Children's Compendium of Catshirt Challenging Athletes to Fight


Will Ohman is a little tubby. A faint shadow of Mr. Jenks, however.

Poor Ozzie, no more fat guys to bully.

Once More Into the Breach
Last thing uttered by the motorcycle seat. Tho the post does give me one more chance to call Pierzynsky a fuckface.

"pirogies stuffed with cannoli"

I want one of those, along with a churro.

This excellent post reminds me that I think there has ever been an extensive pizza argument on this site, something that I find fairly shocking.

Speaking of which, what will be the fate of the cakies recipe once this site goes the way of the Montreal Expos (i.e. is acquired by Major League Baseball for the personal enrichment of Jeffrey Loria)? That sure as hell better be archived somewhere.

Gorge- it's the 500 pound elephant in the room (oh wait that's Jenks). But seriously I bet if you asked each WoWie about their favorite pizza, you'd get 48 different answers. And then Wahoo would tell some story about making handmade crust with Stanley Tucci's mom, and how they served it with a wonderful moscato hand-selected by Emiliano Coppa, and halfway through the meal, Isabella Rosselini showed up showed up with a stack of manuscripts and they worked deep into the night, and that's how the ending of "The Big Night" was finally hammered out.

And then we'd all feel like assholes for thinking that the hole-in-the-wall pizza joint by our office offered up something special.

HOLY FUCK I MADE THAT ENTIRE STORY UP, then went to the IMDB page for The Big Night, and sure enough fucking Wahoo worked on that movie. YOU FUCKING SONOFABITCH.

Hah! Not only did I work the film but Isabella actually flirted with me pretty hard. Also Minnie Driver was on it and desperately searching for a man. And Stanley's Mom is adorable. So yeah.

Chief Wahoo wins.

See Gorge? THAT is why we don't talk about pizza around here.

Your first mistake was sounding the Chief Wahoo Siren.

I should have known. Chief Wahoo always ALWAYS wins.

Except in baseball, Gorge, except in baseball.

Chief Wahoo Siren
Now I know why I have an uncontrollable urge to go to Toledo.

Leave a comment