Can you believe this completely insane photograph? I'm rubbing my eyes over here trying to figure out if it's some elaborate Photoshop. If not, that's former Dodgers manager and current dago gadabout (in Italy, they call him La Balena Loquace, or the chatty whale) Tommy Lasorda presenting Bobby Valentine with an award for managerial achievement. Bobby Valentine, whose wild success in the Japanese league is overshadowed by his wild mediocrity in the MLB. Bobby Valentine, whose most notable moment in baseball was wearing a hilariously poor post-ejection disguise in the dugout. Bobby Valentine, who couldn't get a job in this offseason's wide-open managerial market!
What's next? Milton Bradley winning an award for good sportsmanship? AMIRITE?
Bobby Valentine and Tommy Lasorda in the same photograph makes us seethe; they've both been constant targets of our blog over the past three years. Which brings us to the first portion of the official Walkoff Walk Enemies List: the managers, both past and present. And if Gregg Zaun ever gets a job as a manager, the future as well.
Enough yakking...TO THE ENEMIES!
- Tommy Lasorda:
- He managed the split squad Dodgers in spring training and fell asleep in the dugout.
- He sang a rendition of the National Anthem so bad it shattered eardrums for miles.
- And he was immortalized in oil paint, forever ruining the otherwise wonderful National Portrait Gallery.
- Tony La Russa:
- He had a huge crush on Cesar Izturis.
- He got a contract extension because the Cardinals feared divorce and wanted to stay together for the kids.
- And he waged a ridiculous war against Twitter for the non-crime of impersonating a drunk.
- Bobby Valentine:
- He was the final piece to an Baseball Tonight crew that made me swear off baseball coverage on ESPN for the rest of my life.
- He owns a shitty sports bar in Stamford (where he claims to have invented the wrap sandwich) that is a crockpot of girl-on-girl karaoke violence.
- And he teased us all with his possible comeback to the MLB manager pool.
- Mike Scioscia:
- He twisted his fat, ugly mug into the Mike Scioscia Face every time he disagreed with umpiring calls.
- He wildly overestimated the offensive potential of his crappy team.
- And he had far too big a crush on Gary Matthews Jr.
- Larry Bowa:
Whew! I hope we didn't miss any folks on this list. Let us know in the comments if there are any managers who you want to file under "E" for enemies.