Drew Fairservice: July 2008 Archives

sweepingbaby.jpgEnjoy today's games before vomiting linemen push our beloved baseball from the moving picture sportscast; and rest easy with the knowledge that Casey Blake is quickly adjusting to LA.

Man the Brooms! Many a potential sweep today, with the Yankees, White Sox, Marlins, Angels, Rangers, Diamondbacks, Rockies, Dodgers, and Blue Jays all looking to take their weekend sets. At all costs, don't be the guy that brings an actual broom to the ballpark. Unless you fill the handle with sweet, sweet booze. Or plan on cleaning up your own peanut shells.

Pitching Match Ups Make Baseball Fun The much maligned Johan Santana takes on the inexplicably 12-2 Kyle Lohse in the rubber match at Shea. Both of these teams need to keep pace in their wacky division races. When one thinks of big games, one shouldn't count out Randy Wolf's Astro debut in the battle of shitballing inning eaters. Wolf! Suppan! The rhythm is gonna get ya. Or perhaps a classic Cy Old versus Cy Young & Terrible is more to your liking? Do you think Barry Zito cashes his paycheck with a straight face? Randy Johnston is 9 wins and 9 years shy of 300.

I'm off to see who wants to see a Jays sweep more: the Blue Jays or the Mariners. Thanks for stopping by this weekend, and thanks to Rob and CTC for letting me ruin their perfectly good website. Barring them coming to their senses, I'll back next weekend, and here in the meantime. Enjoy the middday action.
breakfastofchampions.JPGAs you enjoy a healthy breakfast, let Walkoff Walk catch you up on what happened while you were realizing the wife from the No Country for Old Men is the schoolgirl from Trainspotting.

Phillies 10, Braves 9: Fireworks! Pinch-hit home runs! Synergistic exclamation marks! Greg Dobbs was the hero of a game that featured two IOUSes (innings of unusual size). Mike Hampton seemed lost as he exited the field without a trainer at his side. Hampton gave up 6 runs in 4 innings; craptastic for most, but a moral victory for Mike as all his bones and organs remain intact. Meanwhile, Fernando Tatis admitted having a terrible shellfish allergy in the Mets extra inning loss. 2-2 count with the bases loaded in the bottom of the 12th, he grounded out to the pitcher. FERNANDO, COULDN'T YOU HAVE THOUGHT OF THE SHRIMP??

Yankees 10, Red Sox 3: The New York Yankees have won 8 games in a row. They are every villain in every horror movie ever made. Each season, they struggle later and later into the summer. But no matter what you do, no matter how hard you bash them over the head with your typewriter, they keep coming back. Robinson Cano warmed the cockles of Joe Morgan's heart with a double, a fried potato product and three rib eyes. Just as Cano's mental second half arrived like clockwork, so has the annual "Whatever shall we do about Manny" storyline. Cue the inevitable speculation about where he may land.

D-backs 5, Giants 3 Lincecum and Webb delivered on their duel promise, only to see the Giants bullpen bring the game back to a suitable NL West quality. Mr Fantastic struck out 13 Snakes but Brandon Webb hung on for his 14th win. Jon Rauch made his debut, shutting the door from well across the room. The Dodgers won and acquired Casey Blake for two prospects and a Mennonite to be named later.

Angels 11, Orioles 6: The Angels really need to examine their organization from the top down. They have no intention of playing Meaningful Baseball in September, which soundbites have taught me to be the point of the season. The Halos will have this locked up by Labour Day. Yeah, that's right. You bring a Canadian aboard, we come with the U's.

Twins 11, Tribe 4: The Twins are trying their best to keep pace with White Sox. They made Fausto Carmona long for the comfort of the disabled list, tagging him for 9 runs in 2 1/3 innings. In Detroit, the White Sox snuck by the Tigers again on the strength of Carlos Quentin's awesomeness. Both teams wore Negro League uniforms, the Tigers selection is sure to be a hit with the streetwear set.

The NL Central gets no love because of all the losing. Sorry Albert, 5-8 with the go-ahead homer just isn't good enough. Lots more fun this afternoon.
workersunite.jpgA bunch of excellent match ups today beneath the clouds and/or retractable roofs.

Day Games the way God intended: The exceedingly excellent and exceedingly overdue for an injury setback Rich Harden leads his Cubs against the Marlins, who reach back into their seemingly endless supply of good young players and counter with Chris Volstad. The lukewarm (winners of 5 of 6!) Jays send a large lefty named David Purcy to the hill against knuckleballin' R.A. Dickey. Darryl from the Office was in my section at last night's game, the Mariners are much more of a Toby team me thinks.

Day Games the way Rupert Murdoch intended: Begin the thawing of Mike Hampton! What better place for your first start in three years than on national television! Against the big swinging dicks of the Phillies! With Cole Hamels as the opposing pitcher! I predict this ending in tears. Grizzled vets Andy Pettitte and Tim Wakefield take to the sepia-toned mound in a marquee match up surely marred by McGarver. Another Yankee win and they're just a single game back of the Red Sox.

Day Games the way alcoholics intended: The NL West has its revenge! The best pitching duel of the day features Brandon Webb and Wee Tim Lincecom going head to head. Fausto Carmona makes his first start since May, much to the chagrin of the Twins. Except Joe Mauer, I don't think there is much that gets him down. Justin Duchscherer puts his tiny ERA on the line against the mashing Rangers. God hates any ERA+ higher than 200, so I'm siding with Josh on this one.

Enjoy the games! Go outside too! Maybe fit in a Dark Knight IMAX showing. I'll sleep when I'm dead, or very hungover. Drunken comments go!
pushpaper.jpgAs the new guy around WoW headquarters, it is expected that I: clean the coffeemaker, polish the Wil Cordero framed mugshot, and finish all the paperwork that keeps my posts out of a Customs lockup. I'm going to forgo the perfunctory throat-clearing and first-person testimonial to get right to the baseball happenings you missed while you taking part in an elaborate zombie-baiting sting operation:

White Sox 6, Tigers 5: Hipsters everywhere will shear their ironic mustaches this morning, hoping to avoid association with Todd Jones. Jermaine Dye's 2 out, 2 run home run in the ninth handed the White Sox the win and Todd Jones his third blown save. The Sox win and another (fifth in a row) Twins loss add up to Ozzie Guillen being an evil genius.

Braves 8, Phillies 2: A well pitched divisional battle received a hearty Lidging and suddenly the Phillies are losers of three in a row. The up-to-this-point excellent closer didn't get a soul out and now the Phils are tied with the Hanley Ramirezes, two games behind the surging Mets. Carlos Delgado's quiet dignity and red-hot July have the Mets in a perfect position to implode under the weight of their own expectations once again.

Yankees 1, Red Sox 0: Some kid named Chamberlain looked damn good in his fourth straight quality start, striking out 9 in 7 shutout innings. Included in those Ks was some guy playing for the first time in two months. This was an exciting, well-played game between the only two teams in the world that can make a 1-0 game last three hours. The Rays had a bye tonight, and remain atop the division that understatement forgot. Xavier Nady became a Yankee last night, continuing his own proud tradition of being good enough to be traded for but not good enough to warrant keeping.

Astros 3, Brewers 1: Manny Parra failed to justify your love and lost for the first time since May 3rd. He had won 8 consecutive decisions, just like the tater-toting Brewers. Parra lost with panache though, allowing but 3 runs over 6 innings. The Cubs, Reds, Pirates and Cards all mixed the flavor of defeat into their hearty Midwestern diets.

Meanwhile out West: Business as usual. Birds sung, K-Rod saved, and the Rangers went buckwild in the 9th inning. No matter what the scoreboard tells me; all the NL West teams lost. Their losses are society's gain.

So....yeah, about that. It will be better next time, I SWEAR. The first time is always awkward. You're always rushing just to get it in there to say that you've done it. Once I arrive home from my walk of shame, I'll fix my gaze on today's games designed for a Zelasko-reduced diet.