Kris Liakos: July 2008 Archives

Manny Moved: Dodgers Obtain Ramirez

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manny.jpgHere it is, folks. According to SI's Jon Heyman the Red Sox have traded Manny Ramirez to the Dodgers.

UPDATE: Pirates involved in deal. Jason Bay to Red Sox. I'm going to have to stay at work past five... TO BLOG.

UPDATE 2: Rosenthal says Andy LaRoche to Pirates, Craig Hansen to Pirates, to other players to the Pirates one from each the Dodgers and Sox.

To recap. Manny, Derek Lowe and Nomar Garciaparra all play for Joe Torre. In Los Angeles. Weird.

UPDATE 3: I kind of miss him already.

UPDATE 4: I'm too tired to write a TQ. See you tomorrow, everybody!

Massive Move In Manatee Metropolis

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jason bay.jpgAccording to sources The Tampa Bay Rays have acquired Jason Bay from the Pittsburgh Pirates for minor league SS Reid Brignac and and minor league right-hander Jeff Niemann.

The Rays are players, man. This will most likely move Eric Hinske to first and put Carlos Pena at DH. They're serious down in Hillsborough County, indeed.

JULIA TUCKER PUT THE JASON BAY SONG BACK UP, DAMMIT.

UPDATE Not so fasto, amigo. There seems to be a slight hangup regarding the minor leaguers the Rays are to send.

UPDATE 2: Ken Rosenthal says it's not happening. Ken Rosenthal is also a twerp, but he may be right.

Can't Stump The Shrimp

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smartypants.jpgNo, not the WoW shrimp. I'm talking about 8 year old Eddie Richardson of Smyrna, GA. The kid says he knows the position of all 750 major league ballplayers. Reporter and skeptical harpy Helena Oliveiro decided to make the kid prove it by testing him.

• Left field, San Diego Padres?

"Scott Hairston"

• Who is Andrew Sisco?

"Pitcher, Chicago White Sox, on the DL"

• Seattle Mariners, first base?

"Miguel Cairo"

For years, Eddie, who started reading at age 4, quietly studied the newspaper every morning.

His dad didn't realize his son's talent with baseball stats until last summer.

"By third day of golf camp, all of the golf pros surrounded Eddie and they kept quizzing him on baseball and they couldn't stump him," said his father, Ed Richardson. "The golf pro pulled me aside and said, 'This is not normal.'

Screw you golf pro. Raise your own kids. Eddie Richardson loves baseball and is quite "normal," no matter how at peace you are with having to buy your son a dollhouse for his birthday.

Eddie if you're reading this, email me. I want you to write a guest column.

May Magnificat: Today's Afternoon Games

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black_bear_cub2.jpg
  • 12:05, Tigers at Indians: My, there were a substantial amount of runs scored by these two teams last night. 26 to be exact. Cleveland hit 5 home runs and still lost despite Fernando Rodney blowing a save. Bring back Jones! Today pits Justin Verlander against MANNY RAMIREZ. I mean Fausto Carmona. Sorry force of habit.

  • 2:05 Cubs at Brewers: The Brewers came into this series feeling great but are coming out in rougher shape than your mother. They've scored but 7 runs in the first three games of this series. Facing Rich Harden today, their asses are firmly on the edge of the dustpan, with only MANNY RAMIREZ, I mean Dave Bush to save them.

Massive Manny Miasma Motivating Marlins?

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manny.jpgSo you've all heard the news by now. Manny goes to Florida to play 15 minutes from his house in Pembroke Pines, The Red Sox get Jason Bay, and John Grabow. The Pirates get Jeremy Hermida and a bunch of 5 tool kindergartners with tons of upside. Well according to Gordon Edes, there's still no deal in place so cool your jets, hermano.

The deal makes sense for pretty much everyone. The Marlins get a couple months of happy Manny satiated on mango flesh and his own bed and the Sox pick up most of the tab. The Sox replace a large percentage of his numbers and put another live body in their dreadful bullpen and the Pirates get to be in the newspaper.

Will they/won't they? Frankly whenever I hear any "tentative deals" for Manny I wave my hand at the TV and make a fart noise but this one seems to have more legs than past rumors.

If only that chick hadn't removed the Jason Bay song.

Tonight's Questions

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night game.jpgHey kids, ladies and gentlemen we're floating space.

Then stop by tomorrow for all the answers. Same WoW time, same WoW channel.

Hurt Hawks: Today's Afternoon Games

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liveglog.jpg
  • 12:37, Rays at Jays: This one's for rubber, brudder. Roy Halladay pitched well last night but Matt Garza was on total lockdown. His complete game performance and huge hits from Hinske and Longoria put the Rays 2 games up on the punchless Red Sox. Today's matchup pits Edwin Jackson against something called a Scott Richman. Where's that Canadian we hired? He might know something about this guy.

  • 1:05, Orioles at Yankees: Millar is hot, Huff is hot, the starters have been good. It's been an exemplary couple of games for the O's at Yankee Stadium. Joba Chamberlain will try and put a stop to the sweep this afternoon. Tons O' Fun completely eviscerated Boston in his last start and has allowed but 1 run in 13 innings since the ASB. He is opposed by Dennis Safarte, normally a reliever making his first big league start. Knock em dead, Dennis.

  • 3:35. Royals at A's: Rob will be glogging this game. The only reasons I can think of are:

    A. He doesn't wanna be forced to do a whole game and can use the 5 O'clock bell as an excuse to leave.
    or
    2. He's trying to impress Farthammer

    Regardless of his motives, the live comedy stylings of Mr. Iracane will be trained on this one featuring Brian Bannister and Sean Gallagher on the ones and twos. KC has their hand on the broom closet.

We All Need To Follow Ten Year Olds More Often

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kid.jpgYou want pragmatism? You like your pragmatism served with a heaping helping of Brent Musberger, Korean ringers and attention starved moms that pin picture of their kids to their visors and are always on television? Then have I got some good news for you. Limited instant replay will be used in this year's Little League World Series in Williamsport, PA.

Replay would be used "to overturn an obvious wrong," said Dennis Lewin, chairman of Little League's Board of Directors.

The rule limits replay to instances in which a batted ball "leaves the field of play at or near the outfield fence, or should have been ruled out of the field of play" at or near the fence.

A Little League "game operations replay official" would need "clear and convincing" evidence to overturn an umpire's ruling on the field, according to the rule.

Replays would likely be rarely used, (Little League President Stephen) Keener said, and if used would likely cause a delay of 30 to 45 seconds.

"I think that's easily a fair trade off," Keener said Tuesday in an interview with The Associated Press at league headquarters. "I think everyone would agree that getting it right is most important."
Hell, yes. Stephen Keener for MLB Commissioner! Shit, Stephen Keener for US President! Neither players, onfield umps nor coaches will be able to request a replay. It's usage will be determined by "a Little League replay official and an umpire in the booth."

Wow, that makes entirely too much sense. Is it at all possible that eventually MLB will pattern a system for its own game modeled after one created IN LITTLE LEAGUE? If that happens, I can think of no finer and more succinct indictment of the ineffective leadership that has plagued baseball's last twenty years.

Baseball Before Bedtime: Furi

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tiredchinaman.jpgHere's what happened in baseball while you were learning Japanese.

Cubs 7, Milwaukee 1: For the second straight evening the Cubs emerge victorious against their closest division foe. Z went 8 scoreless, striking out 9 and scattering 5 hits. The game was living up it's pitching pedigree, as a 1-0 ball game going into the sixth. In that inning, Chicago batted around against Ben Sheets, including a thrilling mix of hard hit balls and Ryan Braun taking a couple dumps in the outfield. The Cubs give themselves a little breathing room, opening up a 3 game lead.

Twins 6, White Sox 5: Uh ohs! The Identicals scored 5 in the fifth to come back from a 4 run deficit. Justin Morneau had a bases clearing double and was probably all humble about it and then had a glass of Kool-Aid. White Sox rookie Clayton Richard was cruising until that fateful frame. Joe Nathan got his 29th save in 31 chances and is very good. Minnesota sits just 1/2 a game out.

Orioles 7, Yankees 6: Daniel Cabrera and Dave Trembley both got tossed in the 8th after beaning A-Rod, the Yankees tried to mount a 9th inning comeback, Kevin Millar hit his 6th HR of the year against The Bombers and it all amounted to: The Yankees losing to Baltimore for the second straight night and their third loss overall. Phew that was exhausting. Darrel Rasner is sucking back to earth.

Phillies 2, Nationals 1: I've got nothing against the Phillies, but I hate seeing Brett Meyers do well. That redneck malcontent threw 7 shutout innings and even got into a humorous fake spat with Charlie Manuel when it was time to leave the game. Whatever. Between that and seeing a picture of this fat guy, I didn't have much fun writing this recap.

John Lackey No Hits Red Sox...

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...through 8 1/3 innings.

Tonight's Questions

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night game.jpgHey kids, stay away from the cheatin' side of town.


Then stop by tomorrow for all the answers. Same WoW time, same WoW channel.

That Kid Has His Father's Eyes. In His Playpen.

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evil_muppets.jpgI have a rule. Whenever a story starts out with the phrase, "An alcohol-fueled argument that started about baseball at a 2-year-old's birthday party ended with a 32-year-old White Sox fan losing his right eye," I'm going to read the rest of the story. Call me crazy, but a man's gotta have a code.

Yes, this past weekend in the bucolic Chicago suburb of Huntley, a Sox fan and Cubs fans got into it at a child's party and things got real ugly, real fast.

The men attacked Robert Steele of Gurnee about 10:45 p.m. July 19 at a party at Jerry Czapla's house in the 10900 block of Cape Cod Lane, Fulton said.

Steele's nose and orbital bone were broken and he lost his right eye in the attack after he was kicked in the face with a steel-toed boot.

Steele and his fiancée, April Bieze, said they went to the Abby Cadabby-Sesame Street-themed party that afternoon for Bieze's 2-year-old niece. Bob Czapla and the other men were drinking vodka and beer and started taunting Steele with claims that White Sox fans had missing teeth, Bieze said.

Sesame Street? Non-sensical vodka fueled taunts about dental acumen? I never get invited to the good parties. Mr. Steele is rather messed up. He needs to be fitted for a glass eye and will undergo months of physical therapy. Sounds to me like this Sox fan is getting a little taste of what it's like to be a Cubs pitcher.

MLB Ends Boycott Of Sal's

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sals.jpgLast week I read this Reader's Digest article about Sal Fasano (in the actual print edition!). It was all about him struggling in the minors and what a cool guy he was for never using steroids and how rad it was to be poor and the American Dream and zzzzzzzzzz....... Thing read like a Jeff Pearlman article. Oh.

Well, little did I know, he's in the majors right now. It makes the whole minor league struggle story a little less powerful, but good for him anyway.

The Indians did not bring in Fasano to spice up a team photo or for his wheels. They brought him for his experience -- the Tribe is his ninth major-league team since debuting with the Royals in 1996 -- and his reputation as a pro's pro, someone who knows how to be a stop-gap.

What they could not have anticipated is the instant connection made with one of their key components moving forward, left-hander Jeremy Sowers.

Before Fasano arrived, Sowers essentially had dropped his compass in the woods. Sowers was far from the form that made him a big hit late in the 2006 season.


Sowers had a notably horrendous start to the season but since Fasano has started catching him, he's given up just 11 hits in 22 innings. He credits Fasano for calling good games, and Fasano says he's just trying to "teach him to be a major leaguer and stay here for the next 10 years."

Aww... it's like a Papa Bear teaching a baby bear how to catch salmon. Maybe Fasano has more of a future than just minor league ballplayer. Maybe one day he can be a minor league instructor.

Tonight's No Questions Asked

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Hey kids, got any birch beer?


Thanks to The Fightins' for the above video of Dr. Shane Victorino.

Stop by tomorrow for all the answers. Oh no questions asked, same WoW time, same WoW channel.

Todd Jones Sobs

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neanderthal-man.jpgTodd Jones addressed his demotion from the closer role to the Detroit News's Bob Wojowski and it's amazing. The big lug cried. And cried and cried and there was lip quivering and eye reddening and voice cracking and well, just read for yourself.

"I've been to the depths of everything emotionally, but this is just one of those things you have to go through, too," Jones said, his eyes reddening. "You know, you're born into the big leagues and then you're born a closer and then one day you're no longer trusted with the brunt of the load in the ninth inning. My day came -- what is it, July 27? -- so there's no spilled milk here."

Jones stopped and referenced Leyland, who always stood behind him but couldn't do it now.

"I mean, I love that guy," Jones said, his lip quivering, his voice cracking. Finally, he turned away.

Oh my god, I find his tears hilarious. No word if he'll be moving his Sporting News Blog over to LiveJournal. I think it's pretty great that a man who was once so macho as to vocalize staunch opposition to ever having a gay teammate, is witnessed with his "lip quivering." Old age softens even the most grizzled.

Slow clap, Bob Wojowski. You're doing god's work.

Point/Counterpoint Pt. 1

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In honor of tonight's big showdown.





gibberish.jpgWe've had some fun with Joe Maddon around here. We've made fun of his emo glasses, we've called him a yuppie, and I've said privately that he's probably really into arugula. I've never thought of the man as particularly intense, just kind of a hip baseball grandpa. But apparently he let down the cool guy facade and directed a minor tirade at his team this weekend.

For the first time in his three-season reign, Maddon ripped into his team, delivering a brief but pointed message. Several players said he was obviously "hot,'' another described him as "borderline irate - for Joe."

"It was something that really needed to be said,'' LHP Scott Kazmir said. "It really needed to be said.''

The fiery speech was brief, less than two minutes, but very much to the point.
Way to tear it up, Joseph. Since these things are usually held behind closed doors it's always tough to get a grasp on what was said, but Maddon tried to shed a little light on his state of mind.

"I've done it on an individual basis, and I still believe that's the right way to do it. But at some point it had to be done within the group, because you can lose a pennant by one game, and I've been there. Every game matters, every game counts, every play counts. The assumptionists of the world, I would like to eradicate. I want to eradicate assumptionism.''

Maddon's message was a reinforcement of what it is on the inspirational T-shirts he distributed earlier this season, that it takes nine players playing hard to nine innings to be one of the eight teams that make the playoffs. "9 = 8, or else we ain't going there,'' he said Sunday.
Someone either slipped something in his San Pellegrino or he's unprepared for success. That wasn't even English, Keith. That was like Esperanto or some language twins teach each other.

Division Foes So Close, They're Practically Doing It

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After a weekend of slugfests, the races in 5 out of 6 divisions are downright claustrophobic. Four of them, all 3 in the NL and the AL East, have a second place team that sits a single game out, and the Twins are only 2.5 out in the AL Central. The AL and NL east also have third place teams that are within 3 games of the top.

Will anything shake out this week? The ever mystical trade deadline approacheth and with so many horses still near the lead things could get a little hectic. Let's take a look at a few major matchups happening on the field from now until Sunday.


  • Today through Thursday, White Sox at Twins: Minnesota took a big 2 out of 3 over the weekend in Cleveland to keep pace with Chicago. The Twins had been struggling away from home but held serve going back to the Metrodome where they've been dominant as of late. 19 of their next 25 divisional games are at home, so a strong showing this week could put them in strong position. The White Sox are swinging the bats well, averaging over 6 runs a game in their last 10. Jermaine Dye has homered in 3 straight.

  • Today through Thursday, Cubs at Brewers: It's all about the Centrals this week, baby. This four game set pits the top two in the NL Central and features great starting pitching matchups in each game. Tonight CC Sabathia takes on Ted Lilly in what I'm dubbing "The Butter Belt Leftpocalypse." Tomorrow is Carlos Zambrano vs. Ben Sheets in a duel with so many fastballs you'll have white hot fire shooting out of your asshole. Wednesday is Ryan Dempster vs. Manny Parra and Thursday is Rich Harden vs. Dave Bush.

  • Today through Wednesday, Mets at Marlins: The Mets hit the road for six games this week, starting in Dolphins Stadium. New York is hitting well and the Marlins are flailing at the plate. Nolasco, Olsen and Johnson start for the fish and they need quality out of all three.

  • Thursday through Sunday, Diamondbacks at Dodgers: These teams spend the early part of the week playing San Diego and San Francsico, respectively so chances are they'll still be neck and neck by Friday. Both teams are bandied about in trade rumors and should have a couple of new faces by the time the weekend rolls around.

Old Dudes A-Poppin': 2008 Hall Of Fame Inductions

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goose gossage.jpgThis year's HoF induction ceremonies in Cooperstown flew even lower under the radar than usual. Only one player was inducted and he squeaked in on his ninth year of eligibility. Rather than a celebration of his greatness, Goose Gossage's induction just felt like another belated acknowledgment of saves and closers by the committee. "Consistency" is not a word associated with any aspect of that cabal, but discrepancies and oversights seem to be even more prevalent when they talk about closers. Where the hell is Lee Smith?

Dick Williams, two time World Series winning manager and skipper of the 1967 Impossible Dream Red Sox, was also inducted. As usual the proceedings were weepier and more sentimental than your mom after a jug of Carlo Rossi. To wit:

Gossage and Williams openly campaigned for Yankee owner George Steinbrenner, 78, to be in the Hall of Fame, drawing tears from his daughter, Jennifer Steinbrenner. Gossage, who broke down twice during his 18-minute speech, was emotional talking about teammates who passed away, including Bobby Murcer and Thurman Munson.

"I want to thank George Steinbrenner," he said. "I believe he's the greatest owner of all time. He kept the Yankees, the Yankees."

Williams, who led the Oakland A's to back-to-back World Series titles and is only the second manager to lead three franchises to the World Series, also lobbied for Steinbrenner. He worked 10 years as a scout and advisor to Steinbrenner, and his son, Rick, works for the Yankees as a scout.
Fine, whatever. Just don't forget to leave THAT TIME HE WAS BANNED FROM BASEBALL off of his plaque.

In other news, WoW favorite Dave Niehaus was inducted into the broadcaster's wing and The Buck O'Neil Lifetime Achievement Award was given to... Buck O'Neil. Who's dead. Nice save! All in all, it was a fantastic day for the regionally semi-famous and the previously snubbed.

Baseball Before Bedtime: Don't Take It Away

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tiredchinaman.jpgHere's what happened in baseball while you stepped over the line:

Mets 9, Cards 1: Johan Santana said there was no way in hell his bullpen was blowing this one for him. He spent 9 innings laying St. Louis down and his offense helped him out by plating 9. David Wright and Ramon "Therapist" Castro each donged. The win helped the Mets maintain their one game NL East lead since...

Phillies 12, Braves 10: ...another day and another offensive bloodbath found Philadelphia prevailing. Five separate Brother Lovers hit tater tots, overcoming a 5 run deficit against the same Bravos that blew a 6 run cushion. To add injury to insult, Shane Victorino went helmet to helmet with Brian McCann at home plate and concussed him thoroughly. Jesus, the souls of Braves fans are in your hands.

Tigers 6, White Sox 4: The Tigers avoided the broom closet behind tots from Thames and Granderson and 4-4 day from Pudge. Zach Miner provided a slow hand and a quality start but the D-troit bullpen nearly blew the whole damn thing. Pregame, Jim Leyland (that asshole) announced that Todd Jones's big fat stupid paws were being replaced by Fernando Rodney at closer. Joel Zumaya left the game injured again, go figure, and Rodney needed 42 pitches to get 5 outs and end the game. Sheesh.

Twins 5, Indians 2: Justin Morneau drove in the go ahead run in the 9th and Minnesota continues to hover 2 games behind Chicago. Like everyone in America saw coming, the Indians have lost 4 of 5 after maybe possibly showing signs of life in recent weeks. Nick Blackburn bounced back from his worst start of the season with 7 innings of one run, four hit ball. I hope he celebrates by saying Hello Darlin to a woman in tight fitting jeans.

Dodgers 2, Nationals 0: Clayton Kershaw got his first win in the majors against borderling major league team. The start the Dodgers had been waiting for included just 4 hits and 5K. Nomar Garciaparra tweaked his knee at short and was replaced by Angel Freaking Berroa. The Dodgers will Knowmore about Nomar depending on whether or non his knee swells tomorrow. Either way, if Angel Berroa is plan B this probably should be addressed before Thursday.

Weekend Questions

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nose to nose.jpgHey kids, that's not an angel, it's a burglar.

  • WITH Beckett v. Joba, the return of Papi and The Yankees playing as well as anyone in the AL, is this Sox/Yanks series actually deserving of a little hype? I say yes.

  • HOW different will the top of the AL Central look come Monday morning? The White Sox/Tigers series is huge. The Tigers still have blood on their lips from the Kansas City series, and the White Sox have lost 6 of 10. Minnesota travels to Cleveland and the Twins have been getting their asses handed to them away from the Metrodome. Things wont be any easier tonight against Cliff Lee. Keep and eye on both of these

  • CAN the Mets capitalize on a home series against an absolutely reeling St. Louis club? The Phillies host the middling Braves and the NL East Lead could flip flop all weekend.

  • WILL Texas leapfrog Oakland out West?

  • WOULD you be surprised to see Milwaukee roll right through the Astros and come out with an 11 game winnings streak? It's certainly not impossible. My boy Manny Parra goes tonight. The Cubs need to hang on against those feisty Marlins.

Man there's a lot of good stuff on tap. I didn't even touch the NL West (3 in a row for the Giants, baby!). Have fun with this weekend. When you come in from your swim make sure to check out what Lloyd has for you. Just towel off first so you don't ruin your computer.

Also, good luck to Farthammer with his Jeopardy audition. If he gets on the show we're all taking a WoW field trip to cheer him on.

Don't haze the new guy too hard. We'll see you on Monday.

Big Fat Important Site News

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blue-jays-fan-723761.jpegHey I forgot the afternoon game post! Who plays on Friday afternoons anyway? The Cubs and Marlins are tied at 1 in the top of the third. Your poem is The Colonel by Carolyn Forche.

More importantly, you may have noticed that our achilles heel here at Walkoff Walk is our weekend coverage. There's lots of good baseball on the weekends and we tend to phone stuff in. It makes us look lazy and it's no fun for you to read anyway. So in an attempt to remedy that for everyone involved, I'd like to introduce our new Weekend Editor, Lloyd The Barber.

Lloyd is the proprietor of the excellent Blue Jays blog, Ghostrunner On First. He knows baseball, he knows music, he knows funny and we think he's going to fit in just great. He'll be taking care of you on Saturday and Sunday mornings and maybe even some stuff in the afternoons if the mood strikes him. He's Canadian, so you know you can trust him.

It's a great weekend for him to start, there's a lot of rad divisional stuff we'll look at later, and I'd like to be the first to welcome him aboard. That picture isn't him, but that dude looks cool anyway.

Joe Torre Flips Out- 1982

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Today's Classic TV Post is a fun one. It has all of our favorites: carnage, injured innocents, profanity, and the opportunity to reflect on how poorly someone has aged.

In this 1982 Braves highlight, the wall along the third base foul line actually collapses as fans reach for an errant throw. That's crafstmanship! Anyway this presents some interesting ground rule interpretations for the umps allowing Joe Torre to go totally animal crackerz. It's a truly inspired tirade. Enjoy.

What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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stretcher.JPGLast week I saw a game in Anaheim, tonight I will see one in Boston. Different coasts, a trip spanning an entire nation. Wimps everywhere.

  • Chipper Jones, Tim Hudson, Braves: These good ol' boys went down Wednesday night with a strained left hammy and right elbow tightness respectively. Neither have hit the DL yet but it doesn't sound especially promising. Bobby Cox screamed at both injuries and was ejected from the hospital.

  • Kerry Wood, Cubs: The Indestructible Mr. Wood hit the DL for the first time in his career, sidelined by a blister. I wonder if he got it in the All-Star game. I certainly did from typing for the duration of it. That's the last time I'll mention it, I promise.

  • Joey Gathwright, Royals: Joey has a bone bruise in his shoulder. WAY TO COP OUT, SKIN AND MUSCLES.

  • Derrick Turnbow, Brewers: According to ESPN Turnbow was placed on the DL after saying his shoulder "didn't feel right". Well either did that time my girlfriend tried that thing with the motor oil and licorice stick she read about in Cosmo, but you don't see me calling in sick to work do you? Buck up, buddy. Life is strange.

  • Jorge Posada, Yankees: Jorge is still pondering surgery on his shoulder. He's going to spend the 15 DL days rehabbing and making the decision on surgery at the end of that. It's a six month recovery if he opts for the knife. I would suggest he just rub some money on it.

Oh Miguel Batista, Will You Ever Cease To Amaze Me?

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kenny batista.jpgGeoff Baker has been coming through big time lately. His doctor must have upped the dosage on his happy pills or something, because he's been jovial, free spirited and coming up with all kinds of good stuff. Today's pull: Miguel Batista talking about serial killers.

We're talking Richard Ramirez. The infamous "Night Stalker" of serial killer notoriety. Mariners pitcher Miguel Batista throws his name out there along with David "Son of Sam" Berkowitz, Ted Bundy and other crazies in this rather interesting website. It's being used to promote his The Avenger of Blood fiction novel. Look, I won't promise it will change your life or anything. But I can guarantee you that you won't find anything similar out there by a major league ballplayer.

Yes the website is a little more than interesting. There's all kinds of trippy flash animation and Miguel in all his ribbed and fitted glory does bilingual voiceovers about various murderers.

According to the site, The Avenger Of Blood is about a 14 year old serial killer but it "explores the relationship between sin and justice, raising provocative questions about faith and religion, searching for hard answers."

That's some pretty heady stuff, but it needs more Kenny G. It took him five years to research, and I think the hard answers replaced his hard slider because he sucks at pitching now. Still, I salute him for being such a renaissance man and always branching out beyond baseball. Jonathan Papelbon read a cereal box once.

I AM UPSET WITH YOU RIGHT NOW

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It's a busy day here today, and what better way to kick things off than with one of the most Captain Insano brawls I've ever seen. Before we go to the video tape let's take stock of the damage:

Before the first inning was finished Thursday, July 24, at Fifth Third Field, three batters were hit by pitches.

The victims included:

• Dayton shortstop Zack Cozart, who left when hit in the head.

• Peoria's second baseman, who suffered a broken leg.

• A fan, who was hit by a ball thrown by Peoria starter Julio Castillo.


Then the following 10 minute fracas. KILL HIM!!!!



Oh yeah, pitcher Julio Castillo didn't hit the showers... he went to jail.

Baseball Before Bedtime: If It's The Beaches

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tiredchinaman.jpgHere's what happened in baseball while you took whatever you thought of, while I gassed up the truck:

Royals 4, Rays 2: Aw shit. Before I even ask the question, tell me you'll say yes. Ok? Good. The Rays are not going to win the AL East. Tonight they fell victim to the overpaid Fat Dad Gil Meche. Pops tossed 7 scoreless and Ross G. Load & John "Uncle" Buck drove some guys in. All together now WoWies: The Rays aren't winning the East.

Brewers 4, Cardinals 3: Tell me how my dustpan taste. Mr. Braun goes fourforfour with a ding dong. Sounds cool right? What if i told you that ding dong was, in reality, a GO AHEAD NINTH INNING TATER TOT FUNNY BONE? Would you like that better? I thought you would. Eat shit, Cardinals.

Cubs 6, Marlins 3: Carlos Zambrano was hot in the poor places last night. Z struck out 6 in 7. Carlos "Nice" Marmol got the save in place of Kerry Wood, Aramis drove in 2, and the Cubs won for the first time in 11 fucking games. Lou Piniella said this:
"I don't know want to use the word remarkable, but that's what comes to mind," Piniella said. "Of the fact that we haven't been to where we want to go for a long time everybody has gotten on our bandwagon but it hasn't been easy. It's been a complete struggle if you want to know the truth.

Anyone who can translate into English gets a beer from me.

Tonight's Questions

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night game.jpgHey kids, those aren't sirens.

  • DO you think when the Rays and Royals get together nowadays the Royals are all like "Hey guys, remember when you used to be bad like us?" But the Rays just kind of ignore them and keep playing catch, totally forgetting their roots?

  • CAN the Brewers pull off the 4 game sweep of the Cards? Ben Sheets vs. Todd Wellemeyer.

  • IS it a coincidence that the Cubs and Marlins start their series on the same day Bartman turned down the autograph offer? No, those scumbag promoters planned it that way, I'm sure.

  • HEY you guys wanna play Uno or Scrabble or something? The Padres and Pirates are on.

Then tune in tomorrow for all the answers. Same WoW time, same WoW channel.

No (Dress) Code

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vedder.jpgSee what I did there?

On the left in the clown wig and what appears to be Fred Lynn's old batting helmet is Pearl Jam frontman and current solo touring guy Eddie Vedder. To his right is Red Sox GM Theo Epstein. Epstein fancies himself something of a rock and roll guy but I've always had my doubts. Apparently he's authentic enough that Vedder wants to hang out with him, so that's something. I've never been a huge PJ fan, and he's not even my favorite rock and roll Eddie but I do respect the guy.

I saw this live the other night and was searching for the screencap for days. Thanks to Mike at Sons of Bill Simmons for getting it out there. Now I can cancel my "eddie vedder theo epstein" Google alert.

Cut While Shaving: Today's Afternoon Games

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omar-vizquel-sister-assumpt.jpg
  • 12:10, Phillies at Mets: This series is mercifully coming to an end. How did I get from being so excited about it, to now just wishing it would go away? It was only three games! The Mets will take their chances on the Oliver Perez of Death and the Phillies counter with Jamie Moyer. Moyer's been pitching well lately, while Perez turns in starts where he looks like Sandy Koufax and Sandy Duncan, alternately. Someone take the rubber and leave me alone until you play again at the end of August.

  • 12:35, Blue Jays at Orioles: It's a Roy Halladay game which makes it an event. I love that guy. If the All-Star game really counted, it would have just been 8 innings from Halladay and one from Rivera. Doc takes on Daniel Cabrera, who is also a pitcher. The Jays have taken 2 games so far in this 4 game series. I love Camden Yards, but it needs more hotel strippers.

  • 3:35, Nats at Giants: For evidence of how much I love baseball please refer to Last Night's Questions. I was absolutely enthralled with the Giants/Nationals game. Big hits, interesting relief work. More Rich Aurilia than you can shake a stick at. There was talk of how well he used to handle fly balls at Candlestick. It was some old school good times. Today the Giants look to complete their first home sweep of the year, which is kind of crazy no matter how bad they are. They're only 19-31 at home this season. Face Of The Franchise Matt Cain takes on Tim Redding. I look forward to more clutch hitting by Omar Vizquel (!!). I hope the nun is there too. I am officially pulling for San Francisco to make a run. This is probably verboten since I'm a Dodgers fan, but screw it.

Gotta Serve Somebody, Shin-Soo Choo

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koreanmilitary-small.jpgI'd never known it before, but Shin-Soo Choo is a lot like me. You see, he's facing a potentially life altering problem. One that could disrupt his livelihood and possibly result in jail time. As a South Korean, Choo is obligated to serve two years in the military. His deadline for service is 2010 but there are a bunch of obstacles standing in his way.

How is he dealing with this impending doom as it inches closer and closer? The same way I would. He's totally ignoring it until something awful happens.

Choo, a South Korean, must serve two years in the military. He says the deadline for entering the military is 2010.

"I try not to think about it," he said before the Indians' 14-11 loss to the Angels on Wednesday.

Choo says Korean athletes can get excused from military service if they do well in the Olympics.

"If you win any kind of medal in the Olympics, you might only have to serve four weeks," said Choo.

Choo's problem is South Korea won't take baseball players for its Olympic team if they're on the 25-man roster of a big-league club.

"The Indians couldn't send me to the minors [to be on the Korean team] because I'm out of options," said Choo, who added "There's too much stress to worry about it now."

My god, we're like brothers. Trying to pretend something bad isn't about to happen has been a staple of my emotional wellbeing for over two decades. From school, to work, to relationships, it's a never fail plan. Until it fails.

Maybe the Indians should have looked into this before signing Choo? I can't believe that front office would have done something dumb in the past couple of years.

Tonight's Questions

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baby-lobster.jpg Hey kids, you can't hold the hand of a rock and roll man.

  • WILL Alfonso Soriano's return spur the Cubs to finally score some runs and not get swept by the Snakes?

  • WILL Brett Myers's return be a swinging success? The Mets are gonna want this one badly.

  • WHAT would a night of high profile returns be without Lobster Baby!? IT'S ADORABLE.

  • CAN CC lead the Brewers to their third straight victory against the Cards?

  • IS Burnett vs. Guthrie enough to get you to watch the O's and Jays? It is for me.

  • CAN you find the differences between these two different stories about Robert Novak hitting a pedestrian and trying to flee the scene? HInt: the second one is from Fox, contains no eyewitness testimony, stresses "minor injuries," and makes no mention of him trying to flee.

Then join us tomorrow for all the answers. Same WoW time, same WoW channel.

West Allis Baseball: "Now I Kill Your Car"

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walter.JPGDo you see what happens James Jankowski? Do you see what happens James Jankowski? This is what happens James Jankowski when you fuck the West Allis Central High School Baseball team in the ass.

According to Greenfield Police, five athletes along with about a dozen other students damaged cars by breaking windows, slashing tires, and writing obscenities on the vehicles. Some of the suspects include star athletes, and victims don't understand why they'd do something like this.

"You think they would be fine, upstanding kids if they're into sports," says victim James Jankowski. "They have other things to do than damage other people's property."
You're totally right James. None of the high school athletes I've ever known were jackasses.

This being the town of West Allis, WI most of these guys make up the bulk of all the other sports teams. The principal says "their suspension could affect other teams as well." They're not big time like those a-holes over in East Allis with all the specialized, non car destroying athletes.
brewster.jpgLast week was the deadline to submit your bids for the Chicago Cubs. I hope your paperwork was legible. The team is being auctioned off with "related assets" and is expected to fetch around $1B. One of the related assets is ol' Wrigley Field. Bidders are allowed to submit offers for any combination of the assets. Right now there are about 10 formal bids on asset packages that include the team, and over two dozen bids for packages that include the stadium.

So who is in the running to own the North side squad and adopt their sad sack fans? Let's take a look:

(Andrew) Murstein, a New York City taxi tycoon, said in a telephone interview that his group, which includes former baseball home run king Henry Aaron and former Republican vice presidential candidate Jack Kemp, submitted a bid for all three assets, as well as one for just the team and TV network stake.

Also expected to submit bids for the Cubs are John Canning Jr., chairman of Chicago-based private equity firm Madison Dearborn Partners; Internet billionaire Mark Cuban, owner of the National Basketball Association Dallas Mavericks; and the family of Joe Ricketts, the founder of Omaha, Nebraska-based TD Ameritrade Holding Corp. Other expected bidders include a group headed by Michael Tokarz, chairman of Purchase, New York-based MVC Capital Inc; Don Levin, owner of the Chicago Wolves minor league hockey team; Rocco Landesman, president of Jujamcyn Theaters, which owns several Broadway theaters; and a group that includes Leo Hindery, who runs private equity firm InterMedia Partners and previously ran Yes Network, the TV channel of the New York Yankees baseball team, and AT&T Broadband.

Two other groups that have not been identified include hedge fund investors.

Of course there are pros and cons to all of these bids. If TD Ameritrade wins, the team could be managed by this guy. If a Broadway theatre group wins we could see Carlos Zambrano being played by character actor Mandy Patinkin.

Most intriguingly and also nevergonnahappen is the bid from Cuban. In a rare move of restraint, Cuban has been quiet about his bid, no doubt in effort to impress baseball's old boy owner's club. Methinks it's a little too late for that, but we can all hope anyway.

La Belle Dame Sans Merci: Today's Afternoon Games

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Nine.jpg
  • 12:35, Padres at Reds: This is the first of a slate of NINE afternoon games today. Getaway day indeed. It's Greg Maddux vs. Bronson Arroyo. CAN YOU SMELL THE OFFSPEED STUFF?

  • 12:40, Oakland at Tampa Bay: The A's 8-1 victory last night briefly stopped their slide back into irrelevance. Hitters are starting to catch up to today's starter Greg Smith. Smith had a solid opening to his rookie campaign but has been getting shelled as of late, giving up 6 runs in 3+ against the Yanks in his last start. Tampa Bay counters with James Shields and Manatee Encounter.


  • 1:05, Twins at Yankees: The Twins try desperately not to get shoved in the broom closet by another AL East team. Robinson Cano and Bobby Abreu have been smacking the ball around, but then again they haven't faced GLEN PERKINS. His name cracks me up. Would you like to hear the most Glen Perkinsest quote ever? How about this gem: "It's just being able to help the team and get the team wins is what I'm trying to do and that's why I've been successful as a starter so far." Oh, Glen you card! Mike Mussina goes for the Yanks.

  • 2:05, Pittsburgh at Houston: LET THE RANDY WOLF ERA BEGIN. Well he's not pitching or anything yet, but maybe he'll be in the clubhouse playing cards. Brian Moehler actually gets the start for the Astros while the Pirates send out Ian Snell with a broom. Snell has been getting murdered on the road this year, so he should enjoy a pitcher's park like Minute Maid. THIS IS UNTRUE.

  • 2:05, Rangers at White Sox: These two have traded blowouts in the series and today's rubber match pits goofball Kevin Millwood against rookie Clayton Richard. Clayton started the future stars game at the ASG (anyone blog that?), and makes his major league debut today. Jermaine Dye is back, jack.

  • 2:10, Tigers at Royals: The Royals have been outscored 26-5 in the first two games of this series. I'm worried that another blowout could result not in a sweep, but a broom handle up Trey Hillman's ass. Weren't the Royals supposed to be better? Who the hell wrote that? Armando Galarraga gets the start for Detroit against Zach Grienke Pants.

  • 3:05, Dodgers at Rockies: I was all excited to watch these two go at it on my Extra Innings free preview last night, but two things conspired against me. They had the Colorado announcers instead of Vin Scully. The FCC needs to take action there. When Scully is doing a game you should show his broadcast. By law. Also, Clayton Kershaw got shelled. Colorado has also scored 26 runs in the first two games of this series. Put that number in your Megabucks ticket tonight. Hiroki Kuroda will try and slow them down as he takes on Glendon Rusch. Remember when he was on the same Mets staff as Shawn T. Estes? Glory days, I tell ya.

  • 3:35, Indians at Angels: LAFFEY VS. LACKEY! Someone call Cousin Larry. The similarites end at their names. Lackey had a strong outing in the first game of last week's Red Sox sweep. Laffey on the other hand, gave up 8 runs in 3.2 against The Mariners. Bwaahhahaha. He sucks. This game is rubbery.

  • 4:40, Red Sox at Mariners: The Sox haven't swept a road series in 11 months, but they've got Seattle's ass in the dustpan. Unfortunately for them, they're tossing out the struggling Clay Buchholz against King Felix. Jon Lester and Daisuke Matsuzaka have rolled through the M's lineup this week, so this could be a good confidence boost for Ears. The Mariners: Baby's First Lineup!
Unfortunately, Mr. Iracane has prior engagements and will not be glogging today. But we can all chip in with free for all updates here in the comments. Make me proud, people.

Tonight's Questions

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night game.jpgHey kids, don't get sentimental.

  • WILL you be watching the Mets and Phillies play King Of The Hill at Shea? Blanton makes his Phillies debut against some guy named Johan.

  • CAN Clayton Kershaw's return from beautiful Jacksonville spur the Dodgers over the Rockies and keep them in first place?

  • HOW many bases loaded jams will Daisuke Matsuzaka get himself into and then out of against the Mariners? If there were a stat for this he would already be the all-time career leader.

  • WILL the Indians make it eight out of nine and if so, HOW SOON will it be forgotten when they lose their next ten?

  • WHO needs this series in the desert more: The Cubs or The Snakes?

  • IS the Texas offense going to roll straight through the White Sox staff? They got a good start last night.

  • WHAT'S a dorkier last name: Slowey or Rasner?

In a bit of site news, the "search" function is broken. We've lately become popular with some spambots that are tossing monkey wrenches in our fine tuned blogchine. So stay away from that, but join us tomorrow for all the answers. Same WoW time, same WoW channel.

Manny Has A New Way To Walk

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A funny case of mistaken identity or blatant police racism? Geoff Baker reports, you decide.

Seems that Boston slugger Manny Ramirez was leaving the ballpark, with headphones on trying to look inconspicuous and quickly get away from the crowds still leaving the stadium. He started to cross South Royal Brougham Way, against the signals of a traffic cop who was directing pedestrians. The police officer demanded that Ramirez open his wallet and show identification. He warned him that he could face a $500 fine and possible arrest for disobeying a police officer.

It became clear to those watching that the policeman had no idea who Ramirez was. He didn't ask for an autograph or anything, but did ask Ramirez if he'd attended the game. After the brief lecture, and no argument from Ramirez, the police officer let him go with no further trouble.
I bet the cop told him to cut his hair and get a job too. Seems like a perfect time to play one of my favorite childhood Sesame Street videos. It relates to this story on multiple levels.

Veggie Dogs Join Cracker Jacks, Taters & Ding Dongs

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VEGGIES_sm.jpgJohanna McCloy wants to make it easier for Prince Fielder fans to be more like their hero. For the past 8 years, she's been campaigning MLB parks to add meatless dining options to the concessions. It turns out, instead of being about the head and shoulders with polish sausage, the venues have been rather accommodating. In fact, due to her herbivorical vigilance 15 parks are now serving steakless tube steaks. From today's LA Times:

"I just thought it needed to happen because there was a certain percentage of the fan base at any given stadium that probably would not be eating at all, would bring their own food or would resort to eating only peanuts," McCloy says. "It seemed like it made good business sense. It never dawned on me that it would take off like it did. I got this following -- it was bizarre -- and I went with it."

As an actress who says her main claim to fame was a guest spot on "Star Trek: The Next Generation" -- "I was one of only two women who made out with Worf in seven seasons," she says -- McCloy was used to unconventional followings.

But this was different.

The Chicago White Sox were the first big league team to offer veggie dogs, McCloy says, and 14 more followed, among them the Giants.
Wait a second. She made out with the piano playing dog from The Muppet Show? Kinky.

Anyway, I was a vegetarian for five years before college. There are plenty of really tasty meat alternatives out there, several of which have stayed in my cooking even since going back to consuming dead flesh. There are tasty simulations of chicken, sausage, and ground beef. All that being said, veggie dogs are unequivocally the worst tasting shit ever. They've never gotten it right and they never will.

Johanna, I appreciate your efforts but maybe you should just focus on getting more veggie burritos up in here.

Dress Your Family In Cotton & Shrimp

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wowshirt.jpgHey kids, do you like to wear shirts? Do you hate to wear shirts but friends and family are always making you put one on? If you answered yes to either question, I've got good news. We made Walkoff Walk stuff.

Yes, in association with the fine people at Skreened, we done set up a store with a few different fineries. Just visit http://skreened.com/walkoffwalk to check everything out. There's the shrimp shirt you see at left, in both guy and girl sizes. That logo also adorns a bag (good for carrying whiskey) and a baby onesie (good for making you need whiskey).

If the shimp isn't your style, we've also taken care of you OPS freaks with The Patterson Shirt. Also available for guys and girls and in a couple different colors.

Skreened does everything on American Apparel, so you know where the stuff is being made. AA stuff can run a little small, when in doubt order a size up. They use a unique water based printing system that is actually softer and longer lasting than traditional screenprinting. The quality is top notch and we decided to sell everything at cost. We're making exactly $0.00 to keep prices low. I think it's a good deal for everyone involved.

So check it out (scroll down to see everything), order what you like, and enjoy it. Thanks.

Also, thanks to gentleman, scholar and all around good guy Ryan Pritchard for designing the shrimp logo.

Site News: Radio Radio

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bcsports.jpgNot so fast Mr. Iracane. TIm Lincecum is a creampuff. There ya go.

Also, I'll be on your internet radio tonight joining my friends Matt Sussman and Tuffy on the BC Sports Treehouse Fort. Those two gentlemen are both as ambitious and stupid as me. See, they also liveblogged the entire All-Star game. Suss had the reins at Deadspin while Tuffy was working at SbB. We'll be putting a wrap on the festivities, talking about the visions we saw after typing for five straight hours and various other baseball stuff. So join us at 8:00 EST (that's 5:00 PM for us West Coasters) and listen to my dumb voice make dumb jokes.

See you then.

Tonight's Questions

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night game.jpgHey kids, I'm fixing a hole where the burglars get in.

  • WILL the Mets' hot streak translate into the second half? They've got the right guy on the mound to start things off against the Reds.


  • ARE the Tigers going to score 551 runs in the second half of the season to get to a thousand and not make my preseason predictions look dumbtarded? They get Mags back and kick off side 2 of the 2008 mixtape against the Orioles.


  • CAN Jake Peavy join the illustrious ranks of guys who won the Cy Young without making the All Star game? I have no idea who is actually in those ranks but I wouldn't put anything past that dude. He and the Padres take on Kyle Lohse and the Cardinals.


  • WERE you deprived of baseball enough last night to watch Bucs/Rox?.

Then stop by tomorrow for all the answers. Same WoW time, same WoW channel.

Believe It Or Not: Brian Wilson Is Walking On Air

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brianwilson.jpgMy buddy Jesse Spector at Touching Base has a regular interview feature called Nine Innnings. This morning I read what is easily his oddest one yet. He interviewed WoW curiosity and All-Star Brian Wilson and well... there's some weird stuff there. It doesn't start off particularly well.

Touching Base: If you could trade places with anyone in baseball for one day, who would it be?

Brian Wilson: No one.

TB: Not at all?

BW: No. I wouldn't trade places with anyone, ever, in the world.

Hmm. Ok. Understandable answer but not really conducive to futher conversation. There are various other indignities like Wilson saying he doesn't watch sports but he likes the English soccer player "Michael Rooney." Alrighty then. Just when you think both you and Spector have wasted your time, well then. It happens. Wilson finally cracks.

Ordinarily, this would be the end of things, but Wilson told me that he'd think about the usual final question and to come ask him again another time. Since it was Tuesday when I did this interview, I came back before the Giants-Mets game on Thursday afternoon at Shea. When he saw me, he immediately said, "I've got something for ya!" I'm not sure I would believe what I heard if I didn't have it on tape.

BW: (I am the only player in MLB) to levitate.

TB: To levitate. How so?

BW: I can lift myself off the ground.

TB: Can you just do it?

BW: Yeah.

TB: Can I see you do it, or is it something you can only do by yourself?

BW: Yeah, it's not something I wanna do in the locker room.

TB: How do you do it?

BW: By using my brain powers.

TB: How far? How far off the ground do you get?

BW: About a foot and a half?

TB: Wow. Just magic?

BW: And I could be the only person in baseball with an IQ of over 150. We'll see, though. We could take an aptitude test or something.

TB: OK. There's some pretty smart guys in baseball.

BW: I'm sure there are. Can they do the USA (Today) crossword in less than a minute? I don't think so.

Well there you have it. Brian Wilson is like David Blaine but with less facial hair, more Christ lovin', and the same amount of self confidence in carrying himself like a creepy weirdo.

Gary Carter Is A Bitch

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sadgirl.JPGWhile perusing this morning's ASG headlines I came across the following life reaffirmation: Gary Carter is one of the most annoying people that have ever lived on Earth. Yes, once you saw he was at the game last night, weren't you just waiting for some petulant quote from the only baseball player to ever beg his way into the HoF? Well LoHud has some piping hot breakfast time whine for you. It seems Gary didn't like the way his famous "I could be in New York tomorrow" coaching the Mets quote was handled and considers himself... wait for it... wait for it... A VICTIM.

"They were totally taken out of context," Carter said when a group of Hall of Famers met with the media at the same hotel prior to riding in the Red Carpet Parade and being honored in a pregame ceremony.

"There was no intent whatsoever. I've already extended my apologies, if that was necessary, to Willie and just to the organization.

"Why was I the victim? I mean, why? Because I just answered a simple question, 'Would I be interested?' That's it. I wasn't trying to take anything away from Willie at all. And I also was thinking in lines of if the opportunity existed in any organization, basically."

What a dink. I heard the interview. He got criticized because he was already coaching a team yet reacted to the Mets question like your dog reacts to a Snausage. He campaigned against Randolph and talked about why he was the wrong coach for that team. It was a virtual sales pitch. No one was lying in wait trying to blow his quotes out of proportion, because frankly, no one cares that much. To paraphrase: There is no vast anti-Gary Carter conspiracy.

So get over it curly. You're bugging me.

ALL STAR GLOG PART 2

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neil_diamond.jpg12:19: Hello! Anyone out there? I think I wrote too much and broke the WoW infrastructure. This is the new post. 2 on for the AL, one out.

12:23: Wow Nate McLouth, what a throw to get out Navarro at home. 2 outs.

12:25: It's never going to end... it's just not going to ever stop. When the sun peeks in through the window and I emerge grizzled and squinting all will know I glogged. But none other will know how I felt. I am the Marathon Man.

12:29: McLouth singles after the walk. Russel Martin advances the runners with the sac bunt. It works. They'll walk Tejada to load the bases to bring up Uggla. Gosh. If only Uggla used to smoke crack this would be perfect.

12:34: Uggla looked about as awful on that last strikeout as you can. Not a good night for that dude. Damn Fox, if I see Kevin Kennedy this close to bed time i get heartburn. Thanks a lot. George Sherrill is in. He has sucked lately. This could be bad. It's not. He gets the K. Everything I write is taking 7 minutes to load. I'm sorry guys.

12:41: So Guillen doubled, then moved to third on the passed ball. Rob isn't even at the game anymore. Cristian Guzman just made an incredible play to get out Guillen at home. Fuck. Wait. No fuck. It's a foul ball. KNOCK HOME GUILLEN PLEASE EVAN LONGORIA. He struck out. Dammit. Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

12:46: Well we're headed to the 13th. I'm going to go finish this blog in the garage with the car running. Shit i live in an apartment and have no car. And I only live on the second floor so jumping isn't an option. Looks like I'll just have to finish without death's sweet release.

12:53: George Sherrill is throwing gas. The teams are 3-27 with RiSP. That's the end of 13 1/2. Is Selig going to have to make the decision again? The tie decision? I see no way he can call that and avoid a media fallout... but the managers are going to start pushing in an inning from now.

12:55: Testing. Am I actually getting under 6 minute post times? Would you kiss Estelle Getty? Testing, testing.

12:58: Nice Marmol.

12:59: JD, if you hit homer I'll buy you a slice at Momo's. Doooooo it.

1:01: Not a hit, but another Uggla error. Listen I don't care how bad of a hop that is you cannot score that a hit Tim McCarver. You just can't it hit the dude in the breadbasket.

1:02: Three errors for Uggla now. I just wanna reiterate... remember 11 hours ago when this game started we were all coolly jaded about it. We can't change now to take some licks on him. JD Drew with the stolen base. MVP MVP. 2 down

1:05: Lord fuck a duck. We're going to 14. And you know what that means! Here on Walkoff Walk whenever an All Star Liveblog reaches the 14th inning, you get DON RICKLES ON THE DEAN MARTIN CELEBRITY ROASTS. LAUGH ALONG THIS TIME, AS DON ROASTS SAMMY DAVIS JR!



1:09: I'm sick of hearing about Kazmir. Put him in the goddamned game, or he's never allowed to be an All Star again. Sherrill has thrown about 35 pitches. He's done. That's all he gets. 2 down.

1:14: So we're back to slow posting. There's now one down in the bottom of the 14th. I was supposed to get up at 5 AM for a flight, but now I'm thinking there's no sleep until plane. I hate baseball now.

1:16: Hey look it's Brandon Webb. It took me a few batters to realize it was him because of all the blood that is pouring out of my eye sockets. He's dealing though.

1:20 I dont want to die like this. Huddled. Alone. A sunburn from the TV's gamma rays. Baseball Almost Killed Me.

1:22: So wait. I have the volume turned down pretty low since it's 1 THIRTY IN THE FREAKING MORNING but is Buck implying that Francona is willing to forfeit? In no way will I be disappointed if that happens. Staying up forever for a forfeit. Shoulda left Joe Saunders in longer, dickbreath.

1:26: Sweet merciful Christ, if you wanted me to repent you could have just sent me a sign or immaculately knocked someone up. You didn't have to do this to the All-Star game. Heading to bottom 15.

1:30: I LIKE THAT MORNEAU. I LIKE THAT. 3 MORE PLZ KTHX.

1:31: I wish Ludwick had landed on a bear trap whilst diving. 1 down.

1:33: The Dinosaur Nivarro single puts Morneau at second and brings up JD Drew. Kevin Youkilis is drinking a Red Bull and somehow that makes for entertaining television because at least it's not someone chopping the ball to short. WALK. BASES LOADED. BASES LOADED.

1:37: Sacrifice fly from Michael Young. Morneau is called safe. Let's see if he really was... yes. He was. Ok. It's over. Goodnight everyone. I will not see you tomorrow. Rob will. I may retire and join an internetless monastery. I'll keep you posted. 4-3 AL.

2008 All Star Game: The Glog

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allstar.jpg 8:05: Hey guys, sorry I'm late. I forgot I had to do this because I'm too cool. They're announcing the AL side. There's 36 Red Sox on this year's team and they're all American Heroes.

8:07: When I turned the game on Willie Banks was giving a pep talk. He didn't really sound like he'd prepared at all. No wonder that guy never won a World Series.

8:10: Anyone have any predictions for tonight? I'm predict that it ends in a walkoff walk and while everyone looks all disappointed with the anti-climactic ending, Iracane storms the field jumping up and down, pointing at the Jumbotron and screaming "PLAY THE SHRIMP! PLAY THE GODDAMNED SHRIMP!"

8:12: Carlton, Eck, Rapid Robert Feller, Rollie, Fergie, Gibson, Marichal, Phil Neikro, Palmer, GAYLORD Perry, Robin Robers, Sutter, Sutton, Goose and Whitey. All lined up on the infield. Pretty solid but, WHERE'S PASCUAL PEREZ???

8:16: Wow, more legends. Carew, Mazeroski, Ryno, Willie McCovey, Orlando Cepeda... and Kevin Youkilis. Never in a million years did I think he'd develop into an all-star. Hey! Brooks Robinson, Mike Schmidt, George Brett, Wade Boggs, Wade Boggs's mortifying new hair... Chipper and A-Rod. Oh I see how this is working now. Synergy is delicious.

8:18: Aparicio, The Wizard, Yount, Banks and Ripken... Hanley Ramirez and Derek Jeter. Rob is probably crying like a asthmatic 6 year old.

8:20: Molitor greets Pujols and Bradley. I predict an All-Star Tater Tot from Milton. In left we have Brock, Billy Williams and the criminally underrated Ralph Kiner. Joined by Braun and Manny. I had a dream last night that Manny cut his hair. I looked it up and it means I watch too much baseball. In center it's The Say Hey Kid. He should have been commissioner at some point. Fukudome and Paul Bunyon Hamilton join him.

8:22 In right it's Hank Aaron, Dave Winfield, Reggie and the criminally overweight Tony Gwynn. Joining them are Holiday and Suzuki. I'm willing to overlook how long this is taking because it's so cool. EARL WEAVER! Tommy Lasorda (looks lousy) and Dick Williams. Lee MacPhail representing Hall Of Fame front office executives. Ok, fine. And finally it's Clint Hurdle and Terry Francona. MAKE IT FIVE IN A ROW TERRY. Now it's Geovany Soto and Joe Mauer come out. Oh hey Gary Carter's here. Worst HoFer ever. And Yogi Berra. What, they couldn't invite Ray Fosse? He loves these things.

8:27: Phew. Commercial break. Mavis Beacon would be proud of me.

8:30: Anthem time. At this point I often forget that Sheryl Crow is actually an artist. I feel like she's a company. But she sounds nice. And she's playing live guitar, that's always appreciated.

8:33: George Steinbrenner is delivering the balls by golf cart. He appears to be crying. Someone must have just told him that they could have had Johan for Hughes and Kennedy. But anyway, it's nice to see him. I kinda figured he was in worse shape than he appears. Good on ya, George.

8:37: "You need a physics professor. LUCKILY I AM ONE." Who is this clown? Worst commercial hair since Ron Popeil.

8:39: "Blimp" >>>> "Direct TV HD Starship"

8:42: With all the praise being lavished on Yankee Stadium tonight, never forget it kinda smells.

8:44: Hey look at that. Pacey and Lt. Daniels in the same show. I've been waiting for that pairing. It's about time.

8:46 And here's Cliff Lee. We like him here at WoW. We talk about him a lot. I'm happy with his selection... and McCarver actually makes a salient point in rehashing the trade that Shapiro made to get him. You know, the last good move Shapiro ever made.

8:48: Lee starts off the game with a 2Ks of Ramirez and Chutley. Since everyone is at home watching this I won't be rehashing each play, but I think the leadofs Ks are neat. It must be humid in New York. Berkman's terrible harcut is curling up around his helmet in the on deck circle.

8:51: Berkman flies out. Good first inning for Lee. It wasn't this but it was good. It's just a shame Pedro fell into the Tomb Of The Mummy Emperor.

8:53: Who's got an IPhone? How does my picture look on it? Do I look heavy?

8:54: "Derek Jeter has done nothing but win since he got to the majors," says Buck. Yeah... except lose sometimes. But those two things. Those are the only things he's done. Win or lose. No ties. Oh wait. Except for that one ASG. So win, lose and tie. That's all he's done since he got here.

8:56: Bahhhhaha... Jeter's slow rope takes a bad hop and hits Utley in his face. THAT'S USIN' YOUR FACE! Did I do that right? SB by Jeter.

8:58: Hamilton struck out, but less people are probably watching this than the Derby so he's cool. Rodriguez pops up weakly behind the plate. Soto maked the catch than slips on a banana peel.

9:02: Pujos has a "great batting eye." He'd probably be even better if he just kept em open. He grounds out to third.

9:04: Chipper lines one up the middle. Matt Holiday grounds out two feet in front of the plate and with two outs, it's up to one of your 2008 All Star Jewish Dudes, Ryan Braun. Aaaand he strikes out. Hey was that story about Cliff Lee's workout regimen the second time we've heard about people working out their cores? If I wanted to hear about that crap I'd watch my Tae bo videos I MEAN MY SISTER'S TAE BO VIDEOS.

9:08: Oh shit. Michael Jordan dumped Kevin Bacon for Charlie Sheen. Is that an upgrade? I honestly can't decide.

9:09: Ben "Navy" Sheets comes out to start the second. Manny leads off for the AL. 3 of the next 5 batters are Red Socksers.

9:13: Sheets walks Bradley and Joe Buck is just plain making stuff up. There's no way a torn ACL takes 12 months of recovery. That's fabricated. If you want to know more, WoW resident physician Dr. Rock will tell you more in the comments.

9:16: After a Bradley stolen base, Youk's strikeout syncs up perfectly with a savory enchilada and High Life burp. That's hot and tasty.

9:18: Sheets walks Mauer. His pitch count is getting All Star Game high and you gotta think no matter the outcome, Pedroia is his final batter.

9:21: Pedroia flew out, and both starters turn in a healthy two innings of work. The last two games have seen a combined 14 runs. We could be in for another low scoring one tonight. Oh hey it's Yogi. HE'S SO FUNNY WHEN HE TALKS STUPID.

9:26: Fukudome and Soto both make outs. Yogi has 10 world titles but he looks like Abe Vigoda's older brother. You can't have everything, I guess. Back to the top of the order, and Hanley gets a line drive. Yogi just called Joe Buck "Jack." Yeah, Yogs... we wish.

9:29: Utley grounds out. End of 2 1/2. Hey, Blackberry has Facebook on it! So now you can monitor your ex 24/7 and she'll never feel safe!

9:33: Jeter grounds into a "tailor made double play" which is one of my favorite old school baseball phrase. Wheee Josh Hamilton regrets all 26 of his tattoos! Too bad, homey. I wonder if he ever tried to scratch em off while he was all spun out on meth.

9:37: So Saunders is out, and as mentioned below, that's probably the only All Star inning he'll ever pitch. Glad it was successful. Halladay is in now and truth be told I'd be happy watching him pitch the rest of the night. He strikes out Fat Pumastewart.

9:40: Pooj reaches out, goes the other way with one off the RF wall, Ichiro rockets one back in to beat him at second. Some other guy grounds out to Jeter and the inning is over. I'm glad this game is moving quickly since it's almost midnight.

9:41: This NCAA commercial with Bub Rubb? Well that's just good. WHOO WHOO!

9:44: Zambrano just made Rodriguez look cold stupid. Those are two lousy at bats for him. No one should have told him this counted. Whee Zambrano threw a mini-eephus over Manny's head! I love Spanish people.

9:46: Tim McCarver just accused the batting average numbers of being falsified. Ken Tremendous is already at his computer. Joe Buck's kid turns 9 today and is probably stoked that Dad isn't at her party trying to look cool and embarassing her in front of her friends by talking about the Jonas Brothers. Throwing error on Hanley. Milton Bradley safe at first. Then out at first after being picked off.

9:48: What's the consensus on Pineapple Express. Are we sick of Seth Rogan yet? HIGH LIFE COMMERCIAL.

9:52: Ervin "Magic Carlos" Santana comes in for the AL. I see Grady Sizemore in CF there too. Changes and stuff. McCarver called the Angels a "thoroughly professional outfit." The LA Angels: Baseball's Pantsuit. Joe Buck said "all the do is win" again, which is really starting to piss me off.

9:53 Matt Holiday Ding Dong! 1-0 NL

9:56: A-Rod gets pulled mid inning for Joe Crede. Apparently that was so the Yankee Stadium crown could cheer Rodriguez... but uh... no one did.

9:57: Here's what I said about All-Star Joe Crede in the preseason: "Josh Fields looks to have his breakout season... if he can take third base from Joe Crede. I believe Crede reported to camp in a wheelchair that he powers by blowing on a straw." Oops! Santana strikes out Fuckudome and Soto and the inning is over.

10:00: I WANT YOU EVERY SINGLE DAY AND IT'S LUH. IT'S LUH. IT'S LALALALA, IT'S LUH.

10:02: It's Danny Haren time now, and he looks like an extra from Pineapple Express. He gets in the way of a probable out, but that's all instinct. Mauer gets to first and Kinsler is his pinch runner.

10:07: Ichiro strikes out. I can't believe that's how the 2001 MVP would come through in the clutch.

10:10: Jeter grounds out lightly and poilitely to end the rally. BRB i need an ice cream.

10:16: Duscherererer hangs one to Hanley and is lucky he only lined it into right for a single. Utley fouls it off and there's "a good play made my a fan." Steinbrenner caught it in his bib I bet.

10:18 First and third with no one out after a successful hit and run by Ramutley. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LET A'S PLAY.

10:22: First at game dispatch from Rob: "There is something called the Aquafina Sports Magic Team and they throw tshirts to the crowd between innings. This one guy has a bat on his head and it looks like a dildo." Walkoff Walk. Your source for All Star news!Puji singles and Chipper K's.

10:24: So Duscherererer limits the damage. But after the sac fly it's 2-0 NL and homefield is slipping away from the AL here people. Slip. Ping. Away.

10:27: Uggla in for Utley U Unclefucker. Hamilton hits the first pitch for a single. Thank god his at bats are short so Buck can't rehash the.... SHUT UP MAN SHUT UP, CREDE IS UP NOW. SHUT IT. SHUT YOUR BUCKHOLE.

10:31: Hamilton takes off before the crack of the mitt. He takes a freebase. Man that guy has speed.

10:32: I really don't want to see Varitek bat. Sizemore strikes out looking on a pin straight knee high fastball. GAH Milton flies out to center. I wanted that one for him. It's still 2-0 after 6 and if anyone is still reading this, thank you.

10:36: Somehow I knew this dipshit from Sharp was going to be the most played commercial of the night. Take your founding father hairdo and get the hell out of my low definition television.

10:40: Joe Nathan gets Braun, McLouth and Martin out quicker than I can get a can of Duff. Hey it's Josh Groban. He's too scruffy for opera. Or whatever the hell it is you call what he sings. We need our own 7th inning stretch song. Quick to the youtubes!

10:44:


10:47: Edinson Volquez comes in to pitch to your Derby winner, Justin Morneau. Dubble bubble! Wait. What did McCarver just call the "pitch of the islands?"

10:50: Kinsler grounds out but Morneau goes to third. Ok so the changeup is the "pitch of the islands." McCarver read it in "The Wall Street Journal of all places." Does he say that because he didn't think he'd read it there or because he usually only reads Highlights?

10:51: Nasty, nasty fastball by Volquez for the K on Navarro. Florida State Seminole JD Drew will be charged with trying to get some runs on the board. He's cool, I dont care what people from Philly say. About anything, but especially this. TWO RUN DING DONG JD DREW! EAT IT PHILADELPHIA. GO NOLES.

10:57:


10:59: Shut up, New York. Please. Everyone is on Papelbon because of today's ridiculous New York Daily News backpage. He gives up a single. Ugh. This is annoying.

11:03: So Tejada advances to third on the throwing error on his attempted SB. Then a sac fly from Adrian Gonzalez puts the NL ahead. THE JAMOOKS ARE RIGHT, PAPELBON IS OVERRATED. He Ks David Wright to end the inning. TAKE THAT JAMOOKS.

11:06: More updates from Iracane: "THE REAL VILLAGE PEOPLE ARE HERE FOR YMCA EXCEPT THE ONE THAT DIED FROM AIDS."

11:08: Brian Wilson is in for the NL to protect their 3-2 lead. Josh Hamilton just heard Aquafina's slogan, "Make Your Body Happy" and snorted 6 oz of it.

11:12: Carlos Guillen makes like your sister and "chases a high hard one." 2 down. Oh my god, Clint Hurdle just pulled Wilson out for Billy Wagner. C'mon Clint. Are you trying to keep me from going to bed. Oh good, new Taco Bell rapping. I've been dying for some.

11:16: Sheesh. Sizemore rips a single to right. I hate you Blint Wagurdle.

11:20: Every single person in America watching this game figured that would happen if Hurdle brought Wagner in. Every one. Forget the fact that he never should have made the team, what the hell is Hurdle thinking there. You all know there's no way in hell I'm doing this past midnight right? After 8 it's 3-3. Nice jorts, John Cena.

11:27: Frankie Rodriguez pitches to two batters. Walks Aramis Ramirez, gets Corey Hart to fly out. Here comes Rivera. Oh yaaaay! You happy now, knuckle draggers? GO AWAY SHARP TV GUY. I was just told he looks like Jessica Tandy. That's pretty spot on.

11:30 Ryan Ludwick has no chance against Rivera.

11:32: Strike em out, throw em out. End of half inning. Please score AL. Please score. 3 all going into the bottom of the 9.

11:40: Well there's two down. JD is up. If he hits a tater tot that would be the greatest thing ever but the baseball gods don't like me that much. They want me to blog till midnight, quit and miss the most dramatic ending ever.

11:45: OH YEAH JOE IT'S THE FUCKING STADIUM. THAT'S WHY THERE'S EXTRAS. NOT BECAUSE CLINT HURDLE IS A MORON. IT'S THE FUCKING BUILDING'S FAULT.

11:47: McLouth strikes out like an idiot.

11:48 And another thing. If you can't pitch in the All Star Game then don't come to the goddamned All Star Game. Give the spot to someone who can pitch and stop putting your team at a disadvantage. I mean, this time it counts you guys.

11:52: Hit and run works to perfection. Clint Hurdle must have been asleep and one of his assistants called it. Or maybe he scratched his nose and accidentally gave the signal. Either way he's too daft to come up with that on his own. Runners on first and third.

11:54: DAMN YOU UGGLA. Double play.

11:58: Oh and now after Wright gets on the ball goes through Uggla's leg. On a Carlos Quentin single, Wright advances to third with no outs. Let's not get ridiculous and make Dan Uggla a scapegoat here people. It's still the same All Star Game that most people profess not to care about in the first place.

12:03: On two consecutive chances with the bases loaded, we have two straight groundouts from Sizemore and that last guy. I am woozy and my internet is starting to act up. WALK HIM COOK. JUST DO IT.

12:04: Christ, what a play by Tejada. That's impressive. That gave me a second wind. Let's play 20.

12:10: Sorry I got some Gatorade. Cristian Guzman has 126 hits? That's 88% of the Nationals' total. He flies out, 2 down. WE DONT DIE WE MULTIPLY. Yes, that's a non sequitur Bebe's Kids quote. Joe Buck just suggested a dance off. God, Dad your'e such a dork. That guy just flew out. We go to bottom 11.

ATTENTION THIS SHIT IS LOADING TO SLOW I HAVE TO MOVE TO A NEW THREAD ON THE FRONT PAGE

Tonight's Question

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night game.jpgHey kids, kids are having kids.

  • CAN tonight's All-Star game keep us entertained and engaged for its entirety? I'll be here doing some gloggishness, but I reserve the right to bail out at any second like Rob does on Wednesdays.

  • See you then!
    gekko_kocx.jpgMost people have forgotten about the ill-fated umpire walkout of 1999. I haven't because the purge got rid of Ken Kaiser and I hated that guy. 57 umpires quit their job, then rescinded their resignations. 22 didn't get their jobs back. One has slipped back into the ranks and will be tonight's 2B ump in the All-Star game.

    Umpire Tom Hallion will take another step in his recovery from a failed negotiating ploy that cost him his job when he trots to second base for tonight's All-Star Game. Hallion was one of the 22 umpires who lost their jobs in a labor dispute with Major League Baseball in 1999. He spent four years out of baseball -- becoming a financial adviser to make a living -- before winning a spot as a substitute umpire in 2005 and being fully reinstated last year.

    Yes, while times were slow Hallion got his business degree and became a financial advisor. The stock market had once been a hobby, but now he's VP of Brokerage at Regions Financial Corp. I have no idea what that entails but it sounds fancy. He counts 25 umps among his clients, which sounds a little fishy but I'll let it slide. Friends, he's living his very unique dream.

    "I said, `You know what, if I can't have baseball, I'm going to have the next best thing,''' said Hallion."

    So remember kids, that's:

    #1: Baseball
    #2: Financial Advising

    Mostly Naked Woman At Skydome!

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    topless.jpgHey, alright! Rogers Centre has finally made amends for the debacle of 4/1/90. This lass you see at left, was spotted traipsing around her hotel room wearing little but a thong and her contempt for JP Riccardi (I assume).

    Just before 4 p.m., in the seventh inning, Sun photographer Dave Abel caught pictures of the woman leaning up against the glass in a suite next to the Jumbotron.

    "The Jumbotron videographer told me I might want to look at the suite to the left of the screen, so I looked up, and there she was," Abel said. "You don't see that every day at a Blue Jays game.

    You sure don't! You see lots of guys making a ton of money for being injured and other guys openly hating their coach until their old coach from the 90s comes back like a reanimated TGIF star, but not topless women. Well ok, there might be a slight history of lewdness at the park.

    Since it opened in 1989, there have been at least three incidents at the hotel where couples were having sex in plain view of tens of thousands of fans, as well as one incident when a man was thrown out of the hotel for masturbating at the window, believing it was one-way glass.

    Hey now! Who let Iracane into Canada? Maybe the offender was pretending that Kelly Gruber was actually Beverly D'Angelo from behind. A hearty +1 goes out to Ottawa Sun writer Brynn Weese who tells us that the Blue Jays are 2-3 in games where someone is found "naked or getting it on."

    Canseco Is A Tomato Can, No Wonder He Ducked Me

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    So remember when I challenged Jose Canseco to fight me? And then remember how he totally ignored my email and decided to fight Vai Sikahema instead? Yeah well, that fight went down this past weekend and Canseco got trucked.



    Canseco recieved $35,000 for this. Hey Juice, how's it feel getting your clock cleaned by a Mormon newscaster?

    I would have smoked that clown.

    Tonight's Question

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    liveglog.jpgHey kids, God made you that way.

    • WHO will win the Home Run Derby? Rob will be watching it and writing about it here. So if you're into reading jokes and making jokes and trying to tune out Chris Berman, come getcha some!

    • Then stop by tomorrow for some stuff. Same WoW time, same WoW channel.

    Frankie Rodriguez Emotes

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    Whee.jpgSo ol' Frank got his save on against the A's yesterday. It was the 38th time he's done so this season, but apparently he doesn't subscribe to the "act like you've been there" theory and Jack Cust didn't take too kindly to his post save histrionics.

    "I don't think he's got too many fans in this clubhouse," Oakland designated hitter Jack Cust said of Rodriguez, who is seven for seven in save opportunities against the A's this season.

    "That's what he does; guys know that's his reaction. We would have been pumped too, if we won. If he's overwhelmed with the win, that's fine. I don't usually have enough energy for that."

    I don't necessarily agree with Cust taking offense. Rodriguez is intense and he worked out of a bases loaded jam against his team's closest division rival. He's allowed a fist pump. I didn't always think like this. When I was a kid I hated Dennis Eckersley for years because once he struck out Dwight Evans and shook his fist at him. I was livid. I love Dwight Evans. But people grow up and mature and you get over things like that and chalk it up to the heat of competition. Doesn't make this any less weird. But still.

    Emil Brown Sexes With Authority; Is A Welcher

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    snuggle bear.gifSo here's a story. Emil Brown is having a halfway kinda breakout season, but it's not all sunshine and roses. Mainly because some dame says he owes her money for a sexual assault settlement. The story, written by Charles Emerick, ran today in the subscription only Kansas City Daily Record, so I will recount the good parts here for you.

    Emil Brown, an outfielder now with the Oakland A's, faces accusations that he breached a contract in which he was to pay more than $75,000 for a January 2007 incident. Brown, 33, who played for three years in Kansas City, joined Oakland as a free agent prior to this season. In a vague breach of contract lawsuit filed on Thursday, Jennifer Haigh, 24, claimed Brown owes her an undisclosed amount as part the deal they reached after a "pre-suit mediation process."

    See, our buddy Emil was accused by Ms. Haigh of barging through the front door without knocking but replace 'front door' with 'sexual acquiescence'. Then he allegedly "entered into this settlement agreement and release for the express purposes of avoiding the potential harm to his career caused by the threat of personal exposure of Haigh's claims of wrongdoing as well as avoiding the costs and expenses of litigation"

    Whoops!

    The numbers of the settlement are a little foggy. Haigh claims that Brown offered anywhere from $5,000-$10,000. What is not in dispute is that they met at a place called "The Cashew." This is actually the second time this case has been brought to court, the first one was dismissed because, well, Haigh lies all the time.

    "Plaintiff has admitted to lying on two separate occasions to the Missouri Driver's License Bureau about her physical address and has alleged that she lied to her employer in her handwritten note of March 2007 regarding her whereabouts during that time," Wright wrote in his order. "There is no evidence presently before this court that provides any assurances that plaintiff would actually be truthful about her domicile in connection with this litigation. Plaintiff's self-serving statements in her affidavit, her deposition and in her answers to defendant's interrogatories do not inspire confidence and the court affords them little weight."

    All of this adds up to... I have no idea. But I wrote it anyway.

    The Sunday Morning Post

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    televangelist2.jpgDAMN YOU, MOVABLE TYPE.

    My whole morning post just erased. Here's what happpened.

    SOME OF TODAY:

    • Twins look for 4 game sweep of Tigers

    • Lincecum vs. Dempster

    • Kazmir tries to stop Rays' slide.

    • Rockies/Mets is your Sunday night game.
    Have a good day everyone. I'm going to go punch the guy that invented MT in the face.

    Late Night Hello: Matt Clement

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    clement.jpg


















    Oh hey were you sleeping? I still play baseball.

    The Saturday Morning Post

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    neil_diamond.jpgSOME OF LAST NIGHT:

    Do you see what happens Tampa? Do you see what happens Tampa? This is what happens when you upset Neil. Rays lose fifth straight against Cliff Lee and Indians... Also streaking: Mets take seventh in a row against lowly Rox... Twins top Tigers and creep back to 1.5 games out, after Pale Hose lose to mashing Rangers... Jason Werth knocks in walkoff single in 12th to help Phillies assert dominance over sub .500 Snakes... Another day, another complete game 2 hitter from Roy Halladay. Jays stick this one to the Yankees... Let us not overlook Kyle Lohse's 7 inning shutout. Sure it was against the Pirates, but still... Sean Gallagher allows 2 hits in his A's debut. Hahahahahahaha. Awesome. A's beat Angels 9-2.

    SOME OF TODAY:

    • Rich Harden makes his Cubs debut.

    • FOX is showing Rockies/Mets, or uh... Twins/Tigers... or uh... Snakes/Phils. I'd like the second one, but I bet I get the Mets.

    • If you're up late, Nolasco/Kuroda should be a good one.

    Enjoy your day, WoWies.

    Weekend Questions

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    pouting kid.jpgHey kids, another week in the books. Time to get plenty of rest and work on those resumes!


    Alright, I was just kidding about the rest and resumes thing. Hope everyone has a good peak of the summer weekend. Get out there and get mildly dangerous. We'll have some morning posts for you Sat & Sun to hang around on if you're in watching some games.

    Mets Fans' Worst Moments

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    Today's Classic TV Friday post isn't classic in the "aged" sense of the word, it's classic in the "the pain of Mets fans turns me on" sense. I remember seeing this a few months back on CSTB but while cruising for today's video, I was reacquainted with its radness. Enjoy!

    Melancholy Breakfast: Today's Afternoon Game

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    sad giants bear.jpg
    • 2:20, Giants at Cubs: Chicago survived their longest roadtrip of the year, going 4-6 but coming out of it with a 4 game lead against the Brewers. They're no doubt happy to be back at Wrigley, owning the best home record in baseball and being welcomed back by the struggling Giants. San Francisco heads to the Windy City after running into the current Mets buzzsaw with their bats still on the luggage carousel. Matt Cain takes on Jason Marquis who will hopefully give up less than 7 home runs.

    What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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    stretcher.JPGI only call you a creampuff because you're acting like one.

    • Adam Loewen, Orioles: The stress fracture in Lowen's left elbow that led to last season's surgery has returned. That must be a lousy feeling. He's only been off the DL for one month after his recovery from that one. Tough to poke fun at this one.

    • Bobby Jenks, White Sox: Jenks hit the DL this week with Bursitis. I already made a joke yesterday about Bursitis being for old people, so today I'm going to joke that it sounds like the name of a lemon-lime soda.

    • Aaron Harang, Reds: Rob already made the joke yesterday that Dusty Baker murdered Aaron Harang's dead arm so today I'll just say that it sounds like a lemon-lime soda. What? He hasn't even had the MRI yet and is already heading to the DL so that's uh.. . not good.

    • Mike Napoli, Angels: Napoli is the latest victim of baseball's serial shoulder arsonist. This man must be brought to justice. One second you're a terribly weekend hitting catcher minding your own business, the next your shoulder is in flames. Tragic.

    • Moises Alou, Mets: When ballplayers play for a long time you hear people refer to them as "ageless." You certainly can't say that for Moises. He's had enough injuries to actually appear older than he is. This time it's a torn hamstring and this could be the end of his career. Unless he pisses on it.

    • Mark Mulder, Cardinals: Blink and you would have missed Mulder's return to the St. Louis rotation. His shoulder exploded or something and htis could be a disappointing end to a once solid career. Man today's injuries are kind of depressing, aren't they?

    • Vernon Wells, Dustin McGowan, Blue Jays: Vernon has a grade 2 hamstring pull which puts him out for 4-6 weeks. You can't say Wells isn't consistent. This is right in line with his history of one good year, one crappy year, one good year, one crappy year. McGowan is also looking at 4 weeks away but luckily for him and the Jays he won't need surgery on his rotator cuff.

    • Wes Helms, Marlins: Raped by a wallaby.

    Ontological: Today's Afternoon Games

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    vitamin_d3.jpg
    • 1:05, Cardinals at Phillies: Rubbertime in Philadelphia. The two teams have scored a combined 8 runs in the two games and are hoping some sunshine will give them the vitamin D they require to be better hitters. It's a very important vitamin, you know. Braden Looper takes on Jamie Moyer. People from Philadelphia are animals.

    • 1:05, Twins at Tigers: Hey BC Twins Fan, how's that broom taste? Kevin Slowey and the Twins try and shake off their shellacking against Kenny Rogers and the Tigers. Detroit has won 3 in a row and Miguel Cabrera is on fire at the plate. He's depositing balls in the seats faster than polish sausages in his maw. But Slowey's no slouch and has has been stellar in his last 5 appearances. I would like to watch this game.

    • 1:10, Giants at Mets: San Fran has been totally listless in losing the first two games of this series by a combined 12-0. Barry Zito looks to win back to back starts for the first time all year, while John Maine will try and sweep the Giants under the rug. Where they keep Moises Alou.

    • 2:05, Rockies at Brewers: Colorado has taken two of the first 3 games in this series, and with last night's loss the Brewers fell 5 games behind the Cubs. Well at least they got CC or they'd be looking at a sweep. AMIRITE? Bratwurst! AMIRITE? Jorge De La Rosa takes on Dave Bush. AMIRITE?

    • 2:20, Reds at Cubs: Speaking of the Cubs, they're looking to sweep the Reds right out of their intestinal tract with some fiber I like to call, good baseball. AMIRITE? Bronson Arroyo gets the start today against Ted Lilly. I dislike Bronson Arroyo but take solace in the fact that unless he is traded soon (a distinct possibility) his arm will catch on fire.

    • 3:35, Mariners at A's: The first two games of this series went according to the script these teams have followed most of the season. Close, low scoring games with the A's emerging victorious, and the M's emerging hilariously defeated. Last night was a wacky one as M's starter Miguel Batista went down with a goin strain after only two innings, but the bullpen kept them in it and they actually scored SIX RUNS. Wowza. They'll try and even the four game series today sending R.A. Dickey to the mound against WoW favorite (not sure why though) Greg Smith.
    Power_Rangers.jpgAfter the Rangers mighty fine walkoff win last night, this ragtag bunch of sluggers and their fans are getting kind of excited. The Angels don't look like a runaway train and while the A's have some of baseball's best pitching, if that goes south, they can't score enough runs to make up for it. So do Washington's Army really have what it takes to make a run in the AL West? It could take some deadline moves by much loved/reviled GM, Jon Daniels. WoW friend Richard Durrett of the Dallas Morning News took a look at some possibilities.

    (Daniels) has until the end of the month to figure out exactly where this team sits, but the thinking at this point must remain 2009 and 2010. That doesn't mean a big firesale. I agree with Mike that the Rangers should be sellers, but I don't think that should be everybody. Unless the offer is too good to pass up, I keep Milton Bradley and offer him arbitration after the season. If he takes it, you've got a DH next season (and a darn good one). If not, worst-case scenario is you get two first-round picks in return. So it better be a great deal to trade him. The Ranger player with the highest market value could be Eddie Guardado. I'd be interested to see what the Rangers could get for him.

    Guardado hasn't been "Everyday Eddie" in awhile but it's possible he could fit in as an emergency stopgap somewhere. Let me pull Chicago out of my ass, where Bobby Jenks just hit the DL with bursitis in his shoulder. This is troubling because having bursitis means you're 70.

    Of course all of this hinges on whether or not the Rangers keep winning. Their last series before the break is against those first place White Sox, and they open up the second half with a 9 game roadtrip through Minnesota, Chicago and Oakland. Everyone should have a pretty good idea of where Texas stands after that.

    But, hey! We're talking about the Rangers at the All-Star break. That's a positive sign.

    Tonight's Questions

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    night game.jpgHey kids, that's entertainment.


    Then stop by tomorrow for all the answers. Same WoW time, same WoW channel.

    Death Fugue: Today's Afternoon Games

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    liveglog.jpg
    • 1:05, Twins at Red Sox: Don't wake Manny! Too late. I'm not sure if it was legislated by any RSN governors, but Manny has been the main ingredient to the last two wins against Minnesota. He knocked in the game's only run on Monday night, and last night tied the game in the 8th with a two run ding dong. The Twins would reeeeeally like to avoid the broom closet seeing as how the team they're chasing is currently engaged with the Royals. Don't wanna lose more ground. Livan takes on Beckett and i'll be pawing at my office window wishing I could join everyone up the street.

    • 1:05, Rays at Yankees: As Robert mentioned in this morning's BBB, last night was like the Super Bowl for the Yankees. Yes, this July series against Tampa is pretty much the most important thing that has happened to Yankees fans in about 3 years. I'm sure they'd love to keep gloating about last night's win, but it's time to move on. And what better way to move on than to trot out Sidney Ponson! Ol' Smiley got rocked in his last start giving up 7 runs in 5 IP. The Rays counter with Edwin Jackson and 15 years of pent up aggression. Rob is glogging this one because despite all his attempts at neutrality, he's a huge homer.

    • 3:35, Marlins at Padres: The Marlins are only 2 games above .500 but that's good enough to keep them a single game behind the Phils. The NL Central must be hogging all the wins for the entire league. Lord knows the Padres don't have em! This late afternoon matchup pits Scott Olsen vs. Cha Seung Baek vs. your burning desire to leave work early.

    Tiger Saves Kitten, Are You Feline Me? /kills self

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    catch_of_day.jpgIs this what it's come to? The All-Star Game is approaching. The trade market is heating up. But I'm here to tell you about Tigers outfielder Matt Joyce who rescued a baby cat from the batting cage at Comerica Park.

    Hearing the tiny black cat whimper, (Joyce) climbed up on a stool and, with batting gloves on to protect his hands, pulled the animal down, before carrying it up the stairs into the clubhouse. The kitten was last seen being fed milk in a bowl by Joyce in the Tigers clubhouse kitchen.

    The rescue brought some much needed levity to the Detroit clubhouse until Jim Leyland was quoted as saying, "What the hell is this fairy horseshit?" Then stubbed out a match on the cat's back.

    Tonight's Questions

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    night game.jpgHey kids, tooths hurt send medic:


    Then stop by tomorrow for all the answers. Same WoW time, same WoW channel.

    2003 Chinese Taipei Baseball Team

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    Wow. What a squad. Those are the days we'll always remember, guys.

    jail.jpgIn the lovely burgh of Belmar, New Jersey, St. Rose High School Baseball Coach Bartholomew McInerney is in a bit of hot water. Seems the ol' ballcoach has been encouraging his players to choke up. On their privates. Then text him about it. Shudder.

    The Spring Lake Heights resident is accused of offering to pay male students, ranging in age from 15 to 17, for performing sexual acts on themselves and encouraging them to send him text messages describing the act.

    "In some the cases the boys were actually paid on numerous occasions for their messages,'' Gerhardt said.

    Oh, come on. There's gotta be an explanation for this. Since when have coaches ever taken advantage of the boys and girls they're charged with leading? They're upstanding beacons of heterosexuality. Right attorney, Charles Uliano?

    "There are health teachers who do that every day in school where they talk about various forms of sexuality,'' he said. But he said his client did not break the law. "Bart McInerney is a good man,'' Uliano said after court. "He did not violate the law and he's not guilty of these charges."

    Oh, of course. He just wanted to talk to them about their health. These kids are lucky to have someone that cares so much. To me the more pressing question is how did someone named Bartholomew McInerney build a time machine to escape from the Wild West and commit these crimes here in 2008?

    Well whatever happens with old Bart, I'm sure he'll be waaay into this new Topps card featuring a topless David Ortiz as a baby.
    pouting kid.jpgAfter a grueling three days in the minors, struggling Braves outfielder Jeff Francouer is back up with the club. While sitting with his arms folded on a stool in the kitchen of AA Mississippi, Frenchy was told he could go back to the majors and play with the big boys as long as he stopped hitting like crap and didn't argue when it was time to take a shower and go to bed. From our friends at the AJC:

    "Even though it's only been three days, I feel like a new guy," Francoeur told the Journal-Constitution by phone during a layover in Chicago. "I was hoping to get there before the game. But now I'm just excited to be there and be with the guys. The only thing is, I have no clothes.

    "I'm just glad to have it over with," said Francoeur, who found out Monday morning he was going back up. "It's one of those things I'm going to forget about. It won't do me any good to think about what happened. I need to go out and swing the bat and help the team."

    Francoeur left Atlanta on Friday with a .234 batting average, the weight of the world on his shoulders, and upset that he was being sent down after three years in the major leagues. He returns having hit .538 (7-for-13) in three games for Mississippi, with a triple and two RBIs.

    Francouer had some not so nice words for the team when he went down last week, but the four hits he had in Mississippi on Sunday seem to have erased both his distaste with the team and the team's distaste with his hitting. Sadly, Frenchy's Forum is silent on the whole thing. I was hoping to read some catfish reviews or something.

    Tonight's Questions

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    garfield.jpgHey kids, if it's so unnatural why are those two sparrows giving each other footjobs in the bird feeder?


    Then stop by tomorrow for all the answers. Same WoW time, same WoW channel.

    Million Dollar Arm Update: Blood Is Spilled

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    Convoy.jpgShocking news last week from our friend Rinku in the Million Dollar Arm contest. Seems while having their friend Marty over for dinner, tragedy struck when Rinku sliced his fingers open trying to cut some spare ribs. I'll let him explain:

    Back at home; we had Marty sir and his wife over for dinner. Just like we promised. You'll know the menu by now. We don't want to risk making anything but pork ribs. However, I'm not gonna ever handle pork ribs after today. I cut couple of my fingers trying to slice it before serving. Marty sir called the cops. They need to be informed about the smallest incident here. Poor Marty sir came under suspicion initially when the cops got in. They left us with a hospital address once they were satisfied nothing untoward had happened.

    I wouldn't trust Marty either. Perhaps the most damning indictment in the whole post is not of Rinku's cutlery skills, but of the American health care system. Apparently it's way worse than India.

    I reeled at the bill they produced for some simple bandaging and a tetanus shot. 300 bucks! It's whooping. They took me to the emergency room for such a clear-cut case (pun intended). I didn't get any meds and neither did they do anything to ease the pain. To put salt to injury, we had a stack of forms to sign as a procedure. Deepesh sir and I went into hysterics and laughed our guts out. It was crazy. Back home in India, we would've gotten treated just fine for a mere twenty rupees.

    No paperwork in India? What would I move around on my desk to pretend like I'm working instead of writing a baseball blog? Anyway, best wishes to Rinku on a speedy recovery from the entire WoW family.
    love_me.jpgOver the weekend, Jim Salisbury of the Philadelphia Enquirer let us all into the rainbow colored world of Chuck LaMar. Mr. LaMar, the former GM of the Rays and current executive with the Phillies, took a moment to carve out a role for himself in Tampa's current success.

    "I'm proud of what we left behind, both players and staff," he said. "In the last 10 or 15 years, you can't think of a better scenario for a new owner and GM to take over. The team had only one way to go - up - and they inherited a group of young players capable of doing it."
    Indeed. For all of you people that speak "English," that translates to, "My legacy of crippling inadequacy and historic shittiness allowed the team to stockpile draft picks. You're welcome." LaMar's economic stimulus package would consist of burning down the stock exchange. He was the GM for 10 years. The majority of his "prospects" are out of baseball by now.

    The Enquirer is complicit in this weirdo stretch of logic. You'll notice under the picture of Matt Garza lies the caption:

    Tampa Bay pitcher Matt Garza pitches against the Red Sox. He arrived in the winter as part of a trade for a LaMar-regime player.
    So what? The trade in question was a swap of players who weren't living up to potential. LaMar gets no credit for Garza's recent success whatsoever. The credit (if it turns out any is due down the road, anyway) goes to Andrew Friedman. LaMar says as much, but I'm sure he doesn't resent the caption's implication.

    LaMar also goes on to say he's happy for Vince Naimoli and "the original ownership group" because they "brought baseball to Tampa." Yes, thanks Vince, for bringing a team to play in a concrete warehouse that was obsolete the second it was built. Thanks for stifling any hint of progress during your penny pinching reign of mediocrity. But mostly, the people of Tampa thank you for getting the hell out of the picture.

    You have my word that I will to keep my eye out for any former old school Rays hanger ons trying to skim some credit for this success. The recent run of good news and good play is well deserved by the people in this organization. Currently. Not the ones that helped set the model for futility by a sports franchise. I'm looking at you, Boggs.

    Photo credit: Mika Ito
    Hal sleeping in small rocker.jpg12:35, Royals at Rays: Jesus, look at the facial hair on today's starters. It's the battle of Mons Chin Pubis today at the Trop. Matt Garza has been hotter than a Puerto Rican's car stereo* and Gil Meche's last outing stunk. In the first 3 games of this seemingly endless series, Carlos Pena is 5-12 with a tater tot and 7 RBI. The Rays are a full 7 games ahead of Boston in the loss column and 10 and 11 games ahead of New York and Baltimore, respectively. Today we are all Royals fans.


    *just checking to see if people actually read these previews
    Your classic TV post for the week is from the 70s. I apologize in advance for the jingle getting stuck in your head. The jingle that states in no uncertain terms "if you have no friends and your dad your won't play with you, get someone to buy you this." It's The Playball!



    • 2:05, Dodgers at Astros: Chad Billingsley takes on Brandon "My Neck My" Backe "Lick My Pussy and My Crack" as the Astros try and even up the 4 game series. Please Dodgers, in the name of everyone who has ever claimed to be the victim of east coast bias, please go on a run and get to .500.

    • 3:40 Brewers at Diamondbacks: My man Manny Parra looks to stick it to Brandon Webb and the Arizona Teamiamsickoftalkingabouts. Parra is unbeated in 10 starts, getting the W in his last 6 and posting a 2.41 ERA. Word.

    Have a good holiday weekend, chuckleheads.

    (Ed. Note: But stay tuned for a special Weekend Questions.)

    What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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    stretcher.JPGAs we approach this 4th Of July weekend, not only do we look back on that day in 1976 when Baby Jesus was born and visited America, bringing popcorn to the Indians, we also reflect on those less fortunate then us. People like those listed below, who are such injury riddled invalids that they can't lick a stamp without getting hurt.

    • Magglio Ordonez, Tigers: The Big Tilde is on the DL for the forseeable future. In fact, El Permo will come back and play when he's damn well ready. I think that's fair. Pulled right obliques don't heal on their own you know. Actually, yeah I guess they do. Whatever.

    • Hideki Matsui, Yankees: Matsui, a man I've always feared the most when coming to bat against my team, is "hobbled" by a left knee injury. There's swelling and all kinds of other nasty stuff. Talk from the trainers is cautiously optimistic. Even worse, is that this is a different knee than Matsui had surgery on in the offseason. Even worsest, he's tried rubbing dirty panties on it and it's not helping.

    • Troy Percival, Rays: One of the dangers of having an elderly closer is that things just start spontaneously straining, snapping and disintegrating. On Percival this week it was the hamstring. Contrary to most soundbites in these situations Percival says he's fighting "an uphill battle" and things aren't getting much better. Sounds like my job too.

    • Chris Snyder, Diamondbacks: GAAH! TESTICLE FRACTURE! Move on, move on, next guy, next guy....

    • Rafael Furcal, Dodgers: Back surgery always sounds serious to me. Optimistic looks like 2 months, reality looks like season ending. That's a tough one as he was one of the offensive bright spots for this team early in the season. I saw a cartoon in the New Yorker last week where a doc says to a patient, "Well the good news is that the surgery will cure your back pain, the bad news is you'll have nothing to talk about." I laughed then looked down on people that don't read The New Yorker.

    • Matt Capps, Pirates: Madcap closer Matt Capps has an inflamed shoulder. He's out eight weeks but will not require surgery. Anyone got a joke here? I got nothin.

    • Felix Hernandez, Mariners: So I'm actually writing to you today from the lovely space needle in Seattle and I just learned of King Felix's trip to the DL with a sprained ankle and... OH MY GOD GEOFF BAKER ALMOST JUST LANDED ON ME.

    Diamondbacks Lower The Bar Even Further

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    limbo.jpgFans of the NL West, how do you live like this?? Your first place Arizona Diamondbacks are now 1 game below .500. They lost last night to the Brewers, after a go ahead 9th inning single from the immortal Mike Cameron. Sausage King and WoW favorite Salomon Torres shut them down in the 9th for his 15th save in 17 tries. And the reliably loquacious closer didn't let us down postgame.

    "It was a beautiful game," said Torres

    Indeed it was. Unless you're a Snakes fan that is. Since May 18, Arizona is is 14-27. That's a worse record than the Mariners over that span. THE MARINERS. They're now just a game ahead of the anemic Dodgers in the loss column. Time to shake things up, right Bob Melvin?

    "We're going through a tough period where we're coughing up some games where we don't normally give them up," Arizona manager Bob Melvin said. "They got some big hits when they needed it. That was the deciding factor. They got some big hits and we left some guys out there."
    Oh, mighty Oracle! Where does the fountain of your knowledge spring from? The D'Backs have one of the most effective pitching staffs in baseball, so technically Melvin is right. They need to start hitting. They were absolutely on fire for the first month and a half of the season. According to Intern Darren, they averaged 5.44 RPG in the first 43 games, and 3.48 in the 41 since. Their team OPS sits at a truly middling .737 reflecting their two faced season. Which one is the real deal? An extended slump that lasts a month and half may not even be a slump. It may just be the way this team hits.

    Tonight's Questions

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    night game.jpgHey kids, that laughing gas makes me drowsy.


    Then tune in tomorrow for all the answers. Same WoW time, same WoW channel.

    A Drinking Song: Today's Afternoon Games

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    liveglog.jpg
    • 12:10, Nationals at Marlins: Rubber in Dolphins stadium. Washington scored more runs last night than they had scored in their first 76 games combined*. Odalis Perez celebrates his 54th birthday* by taking the hill against Ricky Nolasco. Dan Uggla has missed the last 3 games with a sprained ankle and is unlikely to be in the lineup today.

    • 1:10, Tigers at Twins: One of the most entertaining series of the first half wraps up this afternoon in the Metrodome. Detroit and Minny have split the first two games, neither of which have been lacking in drama or histrionics. Eddie Bonine (which is what Jeff Conine calls his dick) takes on Nick Blackburn.

    • 3:35, A's at Angels: The Angels score some last night. 5 in fact. Today's rubber match pits Dana Eveland against Joe Saunders, neither of whom have been giving up many runs. Low scoring West Coast baseball? Sounds to me like a delicious recipe for afternoon live blogging. Uncle Rob's gotcha.


    *neither of these things are true

    There Was Some Fine Baseball After Bedtime

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    go west.jpgOne of our limitations as East Coast old guys is not being able to translate some of the nuances of late West Coast games. But last night featured two pitching gems we'd be remiss not to talk about.

    First off was Aaron Cook's absolute sweetness against the Padres. Cook allowed just five hits. He used only 79 pitches and the game was completed in 1 Hour and 58 Minutes. That's only 15 minutes longer than The Love Guru. Well done Mr. Cook. At least Jesus still likes one of you.

    Just as impressive was Matt Cain's total shutdown of the hot hitting Cubbies. He went 8 innings allowing just two hits and striking out ten. Cain hasn't quite met the high expectations he came into the season with but last night he was dominant.

    So yeah. Here's looking at you, West Coast. You almost make me wish I still had crippling insomnia.
    sleepingcats.jpg Here's what happened in baseball while you were going to learn your geography:

    Phillies 8, Braves 3: The Phils have taken 6 of 7 so far this season from the Braves. Shane Vicorino and Pat Burrell both had funny bones, with Victorino's being part of a 4 RBI evening. Kendrick gave up all 3 runs in 6 innings of work, but 3 Philadelphia runs in the top of the 9th sealed the deal. Burrell, Chase Utley and Ryan Howard become the first ever Philly trio to have 20 tater tots before the ASB.

    Rays 3, Red Sox 1: Matt Garza was in control the entire game and JP Howell and Grant Balfour picked up exactly where he left off in relief. Tampa fans have existed for 2 months and already they're annoying. LEAVE THE COWBELLS ON YOUR DRUMSET. The Sox drop to 4 games back in the loss column. Sad Trombone.

    Nationals 9, Marlins 6: Ronnie Belliard hit a King Dong in the 6th and the Marlins kept trying to rebound but never made it over the hump. This was only Washington's 2 win in 11 tries against the Fish. Colin Balester became the first ever WaspWashington National to win his MLB debut. Way to go, buddy.

    Rangers 3, Yankees 2: Mariano "Chita" Rivera had not given up a single run in a save situation this season. Then Michael Young got up in his nonsense and knocked in the go ahead single in the top of the 9th last night. Joba Chamberlain threw 91 pitches in 4 innings. While that pitch count and his four walks will be what all the stories lead with today, let's not overlook the fact that 6 of the 12 batters he retired were by strikeout.

    Tonight's Questions

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    Uncle-Jesse-2.jpgHey kids, Rob may be an uncle but I am still the Uncle Jesse of WoW.


    Then stop by tomorrow for all the answers. Same WoW time, same WoW channel.

    The Wil Cordero Memorial Linkpunch, Tuesday, July 1

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    linkpunch gorillaSometimes people write better than us. Each Tuesday and Thursday WoW gives you our favorite baseball links we've come across.

      For all of you into kids, it's Eric Angevine's latest Z-Meter update. Bus Leagues Baseball
    • Me: The Braves record in one run games is bad. Audience: HOW BAD IS IT? Me: The worst ever. AJC

    • Tom Waits is touring and all I got were these newspaper reviews. Columbs Dispatch Phoenix New Times

    • The Rays have a Superfan. That's pretty awesome for a city that's only had a baseball team for one year. Big League Stew

    • Is someone leaking all this Manny stuff to set him up? An interesting question but not as interesting as the theory I'm going to expound on tomorrow. Surviving Grady

    Look Who's Back

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    Look for Harold Reynolds back in your living room any day now. The affectionate analyst debuts with TBS on Sunday. It's about time if you ask me.



    This is the man you tired to keep off TV? For shame, America.

    The Angels Are Not Scoring 6 Runs Per Game

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    Baseball_Batting_Tee.jpgI hope everyone is enjoying "Managerial Review Tuesday" here on WoW. The other day I regaled you with Mike Scioscia's caviar dreams of his Angels club scoring "more than 5 or 6 runs a game." He was as high as a kite on couple nights of solid offense, but just as soon as he said that, well... they went right back to stinking up the joint.

    (A's pitcher Greg) Smith (5-6) scattered four hits over nine innings, sending the Angels to their fourth loss in five games and trimming their American League West lead over the A's to 3 1/2 games.

    The Angels, who were shut out twice by the Dodgers over the weekend, have scored two runs in their last 37 innings and have been held to five runs or less in 31 of the last 38 games.

    "Right now, we [stink]," center fielder Torii Hunter said. "And it is a domino effect. Trust me, we care. We're trying. We're going to get it right. I promise. This [stinks]."

    That is most certainly NOT the Torii Hunter I know. My friend Mike DiGiovanna says it's hard for the Angels to remedy the slump because they have many different types of hitters. He's right. This is a situation unique only to ALL 30 MLB TEAMS. Sheesh. It seems hitting coach Mickey Hatcher would be a tough guy to get rid of because he's so zany and lovable, but they have to do something if this doesn't remedy itself and the A's creep closer.

    Or, comedic denial works too.

    When You Mess The With The Ron You Get The Horns

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    gardenhire.jpgMy man Patrick Reusse at the Minneapolis Star Tribune has jogged our collective memories to the halcyon days of two weeks ago. The Twins were middling in the AL Central and Ron Gardenhire was unhappy. Not only with his team, but with MLB for telling his team they needed to speed up the game. Sound familiar?

    The Twins arrived in Milwaukee on Friday the 13th having lost six of seven on the road trip. They would win two of three against a surging Brewers club, including a 9-4, 12-inning victory on a stirring Saturday night.

    Milwaukee won on Sunday, assisted when plate umpire Brian Runge called out Harris on strikes as he signaled for time against a quick-pitching Guillermo Mota.

    Gardenhire was ejected and fined $1,500 -- mostly for ripping Runge after the game.

    You're dadgummed straight he was ejected. He put down the paper bag of Busch, extinguished his Ronster 200 and took Runge out behind the shed. Well Reusse's point is after that day the Twins started their tear. They've gone 11-2 since then on the way to the best interleague record in the league (14-4) and got as close as .5 game to the White Sox.

    And don't think he's going to loosen the reins just because they've found recent success. Why he got tossed just last night. I love Ron Gardenhire. He's like a Jim Leyland that doesn't want to kill me.