Kris Liakos: August 2010 Archives

Who Is The Best Greek Baseball Player Of All-Time?

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Mike Moustakas is a phyllo eating manbeast. The Royals farmhand went nuts for AAA Omaha last night going 4 for 6 with 3 funny bones and 11 RBI. Tiropita! Overall this season he has 34 of those ding dongs which has helped propel him to a 1.010 OPS. It's just too bad the big league club is so chock full of talent that he can't get his shot yet. What are they waiting for, a Greek economic rebound?

While my people have a storied history of inventing and perfecting just about everything, MLB has never really been our domain. I'm sure this isn't all-inclusive, but this Wikipedia page lists 14 major leaguers. Not exactly a murderer's row but still has a couple noteworthy names on it. It's true that I pitched a no hitter in Little League but I never made it past high school and am probably the best Greek Finder Of Outre Baseball YouTube Videos. So who then is the best Greek player of all-time? I'll rank em, 5-1.

  • 5. Nick Markakis: Perhaps I should have just done a Top 4. But still, he's one of the best players on his team. Even if it is the Orioles.

  • 4. Milt Pappas: Actually shortened his name from Pappastediodis, career 110 ERA+ two All-Star teams.

  • 3. Gus Triandos: Made 4 All-Star teams, received an MVP vote in 4 separate seasons, as a catcher often led the league in passed balls and as a runner in times caught stealing.

  • 2. Eric Karros: 1992 RoY, finished 5th in MVP voting in 1995, 284 career HRs.

  • 1. Tino Martinez: GREEK MOTHER, finished 2nd in MVP voting in 1997, 2 All-Star teams, 339 career HRs.

So there you go. The best Greek major leaguer ever had the last name Martinez. We invented Democracy.

Tonight's Questions

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Hey kids, it just keeps growing.

  • DID any playoff pictures become clearer over the weekend? Well, the Red Sox, Cardinals, and Giants didn't do themselves any favors, but at least San Francisco is still within two of the wild card.

  • BUT wouldn't they feel better if they were chasing a team without Roy Halladay? He's starting against the Dodgers tonight.

  • WILL Manny Ramirez make a big splash in his first game with the White Sox?

  • WHAT are you, stupid? Like he was going to report to his new team right away. He's skipping today because he probably has to come back to Boston to get his hair done or down to the Dominican Republic to ride some waterslide first. My prediction for his impact in the AL Central race is BUBKIS. White Sox play the Indians.

  • WHICH also ran will make the best spoiler in the deadlocked AL East race? Oakland (in New York) or Toronto (in Tampa)? With six games separating them from any other Wild Card team the Yankees and Rays are reeeeaallly gonna have to screw something up to miss out on the postseason (fingers crossed).

  • DID you hear that Rinku got promoted? Happy day!

  • IS Boeing delaying the Dreamliner just to piss off Paul Beletiere and the fine folks at Cruise Planners News? I say yes.
Go home and do some laundry. You smell like a hamper full of kitchen rags. See you tomorrow, same WoW Channel.

Get Ready To Get Sick Of Conan O'Brien

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What'd you say, fanboy? That's impossible? It's not. Back when TBS signed your beloved ginger yukmaster to a contract (thus ending your hunger strike, TAKE THAT NBC) you probably weren't even thinking of how the Superstation was going to beat you over the head with Conan previews during the Divisional series and ALCS. Just like DMac prophesized for George Lopez, if you watch enough of this year's playoffs O'Brien's goofy mug will be burned in your retinas faster than you can say "Frank Caliendo." Did you hear that he has big hair? Cause he does!

Two promos have already been rolled out for the show's November launch and surely there are some baseball themed ones in the pipeline. Apart from baseball I never see a second of TBS programming, and I suspect I'm not alone. It's hard to blame the station for inundating scores of baseball only viewers with promos for the admittedly limited amount of original programming they produce. Despite their nearly guaranteed exclusion from the postseason, I still look forward to O'Brien dusting off his oft dormant Red Sox fandom, a la Michael Chiklis and Robert Redford. Zzzzz. Even though they look alike, Doris Kearns Goodwin is ten times the Boston fan Conan is. You'd never see her in a loathesome Flyers jersey.

Yes folks, now that Chip Caray is gone from your October, the only people fisting you 6 weeks from now will be Conan O'Brien and the TBS marketing department. Let's see if you're sick of him before his show even starts.

Washerwife: Today's Afternoon Games

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  • Astros at Philles, 1:05: I don't imagine many people have their eyes fully open at a 1 o'clock Thursday game in Philly. Like if you asked people what they had for breakfast 70% of respondents would say "beer" and the other 30% would say "weed." I love that town. Longest Tenured Astro Wandy Rodriguez takes on Kyle Kendrick as Houston goes for the HILARIOUS 4 game sweep.

  • Dodgers at Brewers, 2:10: The Dodgers got a broom but no one really cares anymore do they? It's ovah. This has been the lousiest season I can remember as a fan. Started okay then losses piled up and I had to pay way more attention to the loathesome owners then I ever cared to. Burn the whole thing down and start over, please. Thank God we still have Vin. Here's that awesome old Brewers song.

To The Sad Moon: Today's Afternoon Games

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  • Royals at Tigers, 1:05: Did I say a huge game with tons of implications? I met amputations. Detroit has taken the first two games of this series by a combined 21-4. They'll send Armando Galarraga to the mound against Sean O'Sullivan...SOS... how appropriate.

  • Mariners at Red Sox, 1:35: This is the first half of a double header and I'm almost positive it won't be played. The Monday night game was the only 3 hours it hasn't been raining since Sunday in Boston. I just saw an ark floating down the street with two kinds of every hipster, rich mom and Latin person. Jamaica Plain will renew itself! David Pauley and Josh Beckett "will" "start" the first game and King Felix and King Lester go in the second game.

  • Braves at Rockies, 3:10: Dude. Braves. DON'T GET SWEPT! I don't know if I can speak for the rest of the WoW Corporate Office but I've been pretty happy to see this Atlanta team leading the NL East for most of the year. But they've dropped two straight in Colorado. Luckily for them Philly has also lost two straight but that 2.5 game lead is pretty slim. After this they have the Marlins, a team they're only 5-4 against. Jair Jurrens takes on Esmil "Smile" Rogers.

  • >Rays at Angels, 3:35: Even though they lost 9 of 10 this year to Boston, the Angels continue to screw the Sox. They got pushed around by Tampa last night to lose two straight. The unrecognizable please send me back to the NL Danny Haren gets the start today. He's made 6 for LA so far, and the team has lost 5. He gave up 7 runs in his last start. Jon Niemann goes for Tampa.
  • Reds at Giants, 3:45: NOT a good series for the Cincinnati Redshrimp thus far. They've alllowed 27 runs in two games to a San Francisco team that hadn't scored double digits in back to back home games since 1973! SF is tied with the Phillies for the Wild Card and the Reds are still 2.5 up on STL but damn. This is embarrassing. Bailey v. Bumgarner. BUMGAAAAAAAARNER!!!

Tonight's Questions

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Hey kids, I've been fined by Mother Nature

  • READY to see the Selig Statue? There. Thrilling.

  • A string ensemble? Really?

  • IS this really Rocco Baldelli's Twitter? I want to believe he likes Phish.

  • WHAT is a more compelling reason to watch the Cardinals/Pirates tonight: To see Adam Wainwright make a serious case for NL Cy Young over Roy Halladay or to see Albert Pujols' rather legitimate shot at a Triple Crown take shape. Couldn't have happened to a more self-righteous fan base!

  • AND will either of those things matter to the pious, custard guzzling fans of St. Lou if they finish behind the Reds?

  • CAN the Blue Jays improve to 7-4 against the Yankees?

  • WILL the rain allow the Mariners and Red Sox to play? Johnny Damon isn't going back to Boston. Okay, fine. Coulda been fun.

  • WILL American Airlines change their tune on charging extra for coach seats now that they've felt the wrath of Cruise Planners News? Don't miss 3:00 where Paul says he hopes to see plans for a new Chinese light rail service "come to tuition." <3<3<3
See your smiling faces tomorrow. Same WoW channel.

It's Bud Selig Statue Day!

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Are kids in Milwaukee back in school yet? Well if they are GET EM OUT! Today is the unveiling of Commissioner For Life Bud Selig's statue outside of Miller Park. The statue is about 7 feet tall giving it the exact same size and mobility of Andrew Bogut. So how's our newly deified King Tut doing so far this season, anyway?

As the sorry steroid saga rounds into its new indict-y phase, MLB as an active league is managing to stay mostly out of the fray. Public hand wringing stays primarily focused on ex-players. No one says a damned thing about Alex Rodriguez or any of the other current guys who've been caught. And as we all saw yesterday, team revenue continues to be strong for even the little guys.

The two primary bugaboos are oldies. Length of games remains a problem, despite there being a renewed focus on taming it in the league office. Just the other day whilst covering a game I was peeking over an MLB official's shoulder as he critiqued the pace of the Blue Jays/Red Sox game. Without giving too much away... John Buck may want to hustle in and out of the dugout a little more quickly. Big Brother doesn't like your moseying.

Somewhat related to the game length issue is the increasing focus on umpires in the wake of instant replay debate and that whole Armando Galarraga thing. Their every move is being watched, critiqued and noted for posterity at each game as well. The league is doing its diligence when it comes to these issues, it's the action towards remedy that remains lacking.

In that way, Year 19 of El Jefe's reign is much the same as years one through eighteen. And that makes a giant bronze statue a truly perfect token of the man. I'm looking forward to nonchalantly putting a piece of gum on it.

Tonight's Questions

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Hey lids, stay on your jars.

  • HOW awesome is Vin Scully? At this point in my life, having seen the game as a fan and also in the clubhouse, he's just my very favorite dude. Check out the joke he made in yesterday's press conference saying he'd be returning in 2011.

  • WHO will be calling Manny Ramirez's home games> Looks like soon it won't be Vin anymore.

  • IS it raining everywhere on the East Coast or just here in New England? Either way only the Red Sox (FISTER LACKEY) are likely to be affected in the AL East/AL Wild Card. New York is in Toronto and the Rays are in sunny Anaheim.

  • WILL the Braves lose anymore ground to the Phillies? Not likely with Tim Hudson on the hill. Possible since the Phillies take on a Houston team they swept in their only earlier series, but not likely. Hudson is on fire.

  • HOW crazy is that thing about the miners in Chile? MUCHO CRAZY.
Thank you and goodnight. We're the Walkoff Walkers and we'll be here forever. Including tomorrow. Same WoW channel. You too, Dead Western.

Weekend Questions

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Hey, kids don't let it get dicey.

  • WHO on earth would destroy a Jackie Robinson statue? And WHY were Nats officials trying to cover it up? This is a pretty egregious crime and depending on the circumstances is a borderline hate crime. Can we find the idiot Nats fan that did this, please? We'll only have to interview like 20 people.

  • DOES Carlos Beltran owning a restaurant make you more or less likely to eat there? He joined up because he loved the place, yet is immediately talking about changing the menu. What could possibly go wrong?

  • WHAT is the most consequential series of the weekend? I'm going with with Giants at Cards. Respecitvely they're 1 and 2 games behind the Phillies for the wild card, and tomorrow's matchup is Linecum/Carpenter.

  • DO you always want gum whenever you hear Tie Your Mother Down? Vigorsol!

  • WILL the Rays and Yankees flip flop in the standings again? New York has the Mariners in town and Tampa is still in Oakland where they lost last night.
Have a good weekend, my people. Go forth and see sports or shows or both. Stay vigilant. Until later, same WoW channel.

Robert Urich Had Excellent Control - 1979

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Yeah, so this is a pretty loose definition of "baseball video" but screw it. Here are the three reasons why I posted it:

1. Classic TV Friday Doesn't play by your rules.

B. Robert Urich went to Florida State.

iii. You get to see Daisy Duke dropped in a dunk tank.

Deal with it. Watch it. Wish you were born 30 years earlier. Please to enjoy.

  • Tigers at Yanks, 1:05: Hoooowhee. Expect some fireworks today. Miguel Cabrera got beaned, Brett Gardner tried to break up a DP with what the Tigers called a dirty slide but Detroit didn't do all that much in the way of retaliation. But postgame Jim Leyland muttered some trademark profanities and today could be, in the words of Warner Wolf, AN ALL OUT WAR. Porcello v. Hughes.

  • Nats at Braves, 1:05: How healthy is new Braves acquisition Derrek Lee? So healthy that he won't be with the team today. He's resting his back and is just going to wait until the Braves swing through Chicago and pick him up. "Honey, the Braves are in the driveway honking!" Anyway, it's John Lannan v. Derek Lowe with a broom.

  • Padres at Cubs, 2:20: One time years ago, I saw Against Me! at Common Grounds in Gainesville. During the show the girl in front of me squatted and peed in her beer cup. Then she threw it at the band. I wonder if she ever goes to Cubs games? San Diego goes for the 4 game sweep with Mat Latos on the mound. He went to my high school. Carlos "Tons Of Fun" Zambrano goes for the Pisscups.

Tonight's Questions

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Hey kids, currency.

That's it for us today. Tim Hudson and Josh Johnson are also pitching tonight, so there's that. Robot Frempkins loves you and just wants you to be happy. See you tomorrow. Same WoW channel.

Sometimes you just have to stare in disbelief and copy the embed tag. Artmorphs, the YouTube user who brought you All Time Lakers Centers ArtMorph, is back with his own patented brand of racial profiling, creepy God complex and cheesy synth music. Today's test cadavers are Hideki Matsui, Ichiro Suzuko, Hideo Nomo and Daisuke Matzusaka. I'd say "Please To Enjoy" but by the time you get to the (SPOILER ALERT) animation at the end, enjoying all of this becomes kind of difficult. Just try and keep it together, man.

Not To Keep: Today's Afternoon Games

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  • Rangers at Rays, 1:10: Rays have made it look easy against the West leaders, scoring 16 runs in taking the first two games of the series. Derek Holland will try to block the broom closet for the Rangers and James Shields goes for Tampa. The Rangers tagged him for 10 hits and 6 runs in their last matchup.

  • Brewers at Cardinals, 2:20: Milwaukee took the first game of the series and St. Louis is now 2 games back of the Reds. Luckily for the Cards it's Adam Wainwright's turn in the rotation. Were he not in the same league as a certain Roy Halladay, he'd be getting quite a bit of Cy Young consideration. He's riding a 16 inning scoreless streak and has only given up 1 run in his last 22. His last start against Milwaukee was a 1 run CG. Cards will have to really try to lose their 4th straight. Randy Wolf "Band" for The Beers.

  • Padres at Cubs, 2:20: A three game win streak has extended San Diego's lead in the West to 5 games. The Cubs are so bad that USA Today put down the Infographs for a second and dedicated a whole column to theories on their sustained awfulness. The Pads start Clayton Richard and the Cubs start Casey Coleman, a man who hasn't pitched more than 3 innings in a game all season. Let's just go ahead and make that 4 straight for San Diego.

  • Jays at A's, 3:30: Rzepczynski vs. Gonzalez with rubber. Yes, have some.

Jose Canseco Run From Home; Hits Home Run

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It was another rollercoaster week in the life of former MVP and human punching bag Jose Canseco. First off, Hose had been renting a place in LA. It was just a little love nest, a launching pad for an impending career in showbusiness, perhaps. A place to while away the hours until his ship came in. Well, it appears that ship took too long cause Hose skipped two months rent and got evicted. Oof.

It's quite a fall from Sports Hero to Good Times Episode, but if there's one sure way for our man to get back on his feet, it's by hitting some dingers! Hose signed on with with the Laredo Broncos of the independent league. It was a pretty humdrum run of the mill minor league publicity stunt until last night, when Hose hit a tater tot!

  • Jose Canseco, who just signed an independent minor league contract with the Laredo Broncos of the the United League, homered in his debut on Monday night.

    Although Canseco did not start, he pinch-hit in the sixth inning and smacked the third pitch of the at-bat to left-center field.

    "My first step was getting back into the game, in whatever way, shape and form," said the 46-year-old. "I don't know how I'll perform physically, since I'm 46 and haven't played at this level in a long time. We'll see what happens."

    Oh don't be soy coy, Hose. You know you'd go boom. How'd you like to be the guy that gave up that ding dong? He's even more pathetic than the next person who rents Canseco an apartment. Or writes yet another blog post about him. Wait a second.

  • Tonight's Questions

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    Hey kids, trying to look small is the hardest of them all.

    • WHAT is the pitching matchup of the night? Duh, it's Cliff Lee vs. David Price in what also happens to be the series of the week. I think I speak for the whole WoW editorial staff when I say "Go Rangers."

    • WHY does the dude in that video get knocked down by a fly ball? Who is he, Jacoby Ellsbury?

    • CAN the Dodgers salvage the four game split in Atlanta or will they fall to just a single game over .500? Wha happund?

    Peel Slowey And See (With Bonus Concert Review)

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    Kevin Slowey got yankered after 7 innings of no hit ball on Sunday. Predictably, everyone booed. Who doesn't want the chance to hold onto a no-hit ticket stub? But the Twins had bigger concerns for Slowey who had thrown 106 pitches after missing his last start with elbow soreness. Jovial, Busch swilling lawn gnome Ron Gardenhire sympathized with the disappointed fans. For a second.

    "I'd be booing, too," Gardenhire said. "I want to see a no-hitter myself, but I also know that I'm responsible for this young man's arm, and we were going to protect him no matter what."

    Clearly the right decision was made, which is a little bit surprising. But what's really surprising is that everyone is agreeing on it. Even the fans in a newspaper poll are overwhelmingly in favor of the move. There is no surer way for a baseball fan (or writer) to lose all touch with common sense than to introduce the HISTORY bugaboo into the equation. Perhaps they watched the game and noticed he didn't exacly have devastating stuff. Maybe with the rash of no hitters this season, people are just more laissez-faire about the whole thing. Who knows. In any case, a pitchers' health was put before a milestone and no one complained about it or raged against pitch counts. Happy Day.

    In somewhat related news I checked in with The Baseball Project over the weekend at Wilco's Solid Sound festival and am happy to report that their song "Harvey Haddix" has been updated. The song lists every pitcher to throw a perfect game in its chorus and includes all of the 2010 gems INCLUDING Armando Gallaraga's ump smudged one. Also whenenver they sing Jim Bunning's name it is promptly followed by the word "asshole." Co-Leader Steve Wynn told me how much he hated having to have Bunning in one of his tunes. We feel you, man. New record out later in the year, do go see them.

    Modern Declaration: Today's Afternoon Games

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    • Rockies at Mets, 12:10: Nothing to see here. Move along. The Mets are 3-6 thus far in August. They're under .500. It looks like Jerry Tranuel may be leaving through the same door he came in: an overly dramatic one in late summer. Meanwhile the Rockies are a shade above lukewarm and are 5 games back in the Wild Card. Jason Hammel takes on Avid Golfer Johan Santana.

    • Red Sox at Blue Jays, 12:37: The Blue Jays followed up their best weekend of the season by getting trounced in the first two games of this series. Heart Attack John Lackey goes for the Sox against Brad Mills. Kid has only made two starts all season. One was good, one was not so good. But what do you expect from a guy that also has to manage the Astros?

    • Snakes at Beers, 2:10: Randy Lopez v. Rodrigo Wolf as Arizona looks for the four game sweep. It will be a refreshing change of pace for their broom, which is usually just used to attack Mexican people.

    • Cubs at Giants, 3:45: Like most pitchers on the Giants, Face Of The Franchise Matt Cain is having another nice year for himself. He has a career 2.41 ERA against the Cubs and a 2.48 ERA this year at home. Looks like another tough day for The Lou Piniella Reality Retirement Tour. Randy Wells goes for Chicago.

    15%: Today's Afternoon Games

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    • Cards at Reds, 12:35: This is must gotta watch baseball TV no? Wainwright v. Arroyo, night after the huge scuttlebutt, TIED IN THE STANDINGS?? Game o' the week!

    • Tampa at Detroit, 1:05: Tampa tamed the Tigers last night with an 8-0 victory. And also with a chair. Wait that's a lion tamer. They're pretty much the same right? In any case I'm dropping that chair and running like the wind. WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH AIRLINE FOOD. Garza v. Verlander.

    • Braves at Astros, 2:05: LIKE A FIRE IN A TOY FACTORY. Atlanta won last night with a dramatic 9th inning. Today non-savior Tommy Hanson takes on LONGEST TENURED ASTRO (FOR REAL) Wandy Rodriguez.

    • Royals at Angels, 3:35: Uber non-savior Zack Greinke v. Jered Weaver. Are you a frog man?

    • A's at Mariners, 3:40: Everyone in the AL West is 5-5 in their last ten. That's weird. Dallas Braden v. Luke French "Cops".

    Former Giants Exec To Run Small VT Town; Eight Moose DFA'd

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    We've all been there. Vacationing in an idyllic locale with your sweetheart. Over a hearty breakfast on your last day, you decide you don't want to go back to Hometown X... you want to stay and become town manager! Well how many of us actually follow through? Former Giants Assistant GM Ralph Nelson is the only one I know of.

    The town of St. Johnsbury has hired a former Major League Baseball executive as its interim town manager.

    The Caledonian Record says Ralph Nelson decided to apply for the vacant position because he was vacationing in the area and he was bored with retirement.

    The previous manager quit last month after less than three months on the job.

    Nelson and his wife discovered St. Johnsbury a visit to the dog chapel created by the late Stephen Huneck.

    If this doesn't have "KELSEY GRAMMER SITCOM" written all over it then pecan crusted chicken doesn't make me hungry. Without even getting near what a "dog chapel" is, it's still pretty interesting to unpack the career of Mr. Nelson. After that Giants gig he became baseball's VP for umpiring and was responsible for consolidating the previously segregated NL and AL umps into a single unit. The whole thing is featured prominently in As They See 'Em, our first (and only) WoW Book Club selection. To wit:

    According to Ralph Nelson the problem of reining in the arrogant and independent umpires was on the agenda at the annual general managers' meeting every year during the 1980s. The concern wasn't about their field work, Nelson told me. Complaints from club management, he said, were only minimally about the umpires' calls or their ability to make them rather they were about "image, work ethic, hustle, and most frequently, attitude.

    In a 1995 letter to NL President Leonard Coleman, Nelson wrote of the "umpires lack of trust and respect for leadership" and of an exisiting public perception that "the industry lacks control over it's (sic) own umpires."

    Hear that St. Johnsbury Fire Department?? Your salad days of union backed golf tournaments and syrup orgies are a thing of the past. Ralph Nelson is here and he's just itching to bust up some complacency.

    Tonight's Questions

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    Hey kids, I am powering up... TO MOVE THAT THING!

    That's enough outta you, Phil. Unless you get a reality show as a verbose airline passenger looking for love among 50 eligible ladies. Then we'll be all ears. See you tomorrow. Same WoW channel.

    50 year old Jerseyite James Falzon was attending a 2007 Mets game in typical fashion: accompanied by his son, dad, nephew and some lukewarm enthusiasm. All that changed when Luis Castillo stepped to the plate, broke his bat and then jacked up Falzon's face. Careful with that link if you don't like gore.

    Dude's injuries were pretty extensive and someone should probably be responsible for helping him pay the bills. But if you had any doubt that he had some internal injuries in that mashed up head, let his lawsuit assuage those fears. Falzon is basically suing everyone that was in the stadium that day.

    The ugly 2007 encounter during a Mets-Braves game turned Falzon into a bloody mess, with injuries that included multiple facial fractures and left him with pins in his jaw and metal plates in his face.

    Falzon's suit also targets the bat's manufacturer, the Mets, Major League Baseball and even Ramon Castro - the beefy backup catcher who loaned Castillo his lumber for the seventh inning at-bat. It seeks an undisclosed sum of money.

    The suit takes issue with maple bats like the one used by Castillo, saying they put fans and ballplayers in harm's way because they break more easily than bats made of ash. And it blames villainous ex-Giants slugger Barry Bonds for their rise in popularity among hitters, thanks to his record-setting 73-home run season in 2001.

    I'm surprised Bonds wasn't sued for being a trendsetter. You gotta think that Castillo and Castro will be freed from any liability and that a settlement will most likely be reached between Falzon, the Mets and possibly the bat maker. Then again, Castro did plead no contest to rape one time, so maybe if Falzon holds out he'll crack. NO PUN INTENDED.

    Tonight's Questions

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    Hey kids, I'm under the truck.

    • DID you get to read all the cool stuff people wrote about the Heist? That video up there is the insano radio call from the walkoff tot. I had forgotten they played this over the stadium PA until I heard the shrieks of "OH MY GOD." Anyway, the trip was once again a highlight of my summer and I feel happy to have spent it with those that came. See you next year.

    • WHO is Mike Minor? He's the pitcher making his MLB debut with the Braves tonight.

    • WHO is Carlos Zambrano? He's the kooky Venezuelan hothead making his first start in more than a month for the Cubs.

    • CAN Tampa steer out of their tailspin against Detroit?

    • WOULD you like the Tailspin theme song stuck in your head for the rest of the night? Click here.

    See you tomorrow, same WoW channel. GIMME THEM PEANUTS OLD MAN.


    Waka Wakamatsu, indeed. Perhaps a victim of his own 2009 success, Mariners manager Don Wakamatsu got axed after leading his team to 42-70 record on the year. Them high expectations can be a killer. So is the perception that Wakamatsu "lost the clubhouse" and also that he had a role in leaking Ken Griffey's snooze news, precipitating his unceremonious departure earlier in the season.

    You know, they used to catch alot of those captive orcas up near Seattle. Happy trails, Don. May you live a long life and helm many more rebuilding projects.

    Pittsburgh Hosts The First World Series Night Game - 1971

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    In honor of tomorrow's #HEIST I searched YouTube for happy Pirates memories. This did not take very long. But the one I found is Classic TV Friday material all the way. It's the pregame for Game 4 of the 1971 World Series, aka the first ever WS night game. It includes some of my favorite things: funky intro music, funky Joe Garagiola suits, Curt Gowdy, Willie Stargell and Roberto Clemente. Can you imagine how many days of school/work you'd miss nowadays if they still had the playoff games during the day? Remember this video next time you complain about Fox keeping you up until midnight you provincial doofus. Please to enjoy.

    What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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    • Martin Prado, Braves: The All-Star 2B broke his pinky and will be out about two weeks. The broken pinky is a hilarious injury because even though it's just that little bitty finger they make you wear a huge cast that covers most of your hand and forearm. I saw a dude at a party the other night who had a huge American flag cast on his arm all cause of a broken pinky. It was probably meant to be ironic.

    • Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox: Youk is going to miss the rest of the season after today's thumb surgery. Dude wasn't even on the epic MASH list that the Sox put together at the end of June. At least they didn't trade Mike Lowell yet! Lord, I hope they don't get swept in the Bronx this weekend.

    • Carlos Silva, Cubs: An accelerated heartbeat forced Silva off the mound last Sunday. The sped up ticker was accompanied by shortness of breath. Medical condition or just too excited that the guy from Train was going to sing "Take Me Out To The Ballgame"? Carlos pumps "Drops Of Jupiter" before each start.

    • Orlando Cabrera, Reds: Cabrera is on the deel after hurting his oblique during a swing. Everyone else on the DL is said to be upset and worried he'll disrupt their chemistry.

    • Aaron Cook, Rockies: Heist participants Colorado put Cook on the DL with a sprained Big Piggy. Cook blames the ouchie for recent inffectiveness. If he weren't such a self centered dick he would have cut it off, then. Boo this man.

    • Austin Kearns, Yankees: Raped by a wallaby.

    • Brian Moehler, Astros: Moehler was in the midst of rehabbing a strained groin this week when he TORE it. Most ineffective trainer in baseball? Worst rehabber of the year? Did it sound like a torn piece of paper or more like popping bubble wrap? So many questions.

    • Carlos Gomez, Brewers: Gomez took a scary fast ball to the head but CT scans were clear. THEY DIDN'T SHOW ANYTHING! HAR HAR! Gomez is mad the Cubs players didn't show more concern. Don't take it personal, Carlos. They were just wishing it had been them.

    Tonight's Question

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    Hey kids, I asked this lady what her name was.

    Okay, night night. Tomorrow all your Friday favorites. Same WoW channel

    Tonight's Questions

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    baby-lobster.jpg Hey kids, quit trippin'.

    • NOW that Alex Rodriguez has hit his 600th home run, wha...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    • WILL there be more profane unpleasantness in tonight's Indians/Sox tilt?

    • IS J.A Happ the new ace of the Astros? He gets the start for that suddenly red hot squad in St. Louis.

    • NOW that the Gulf Of Mexico is like all back to 100% normal and shit nope no more worries happy days are here again, can I go back to worrying about Lindsay Lohan?

    • WHICH Garfield shirt should I wear on Saturday? I have so many.

    Tomorrow we're back on the same #HEIST channel. You too, Lobster Baby.

    That there (as long as it hasn't been taken down yet) is footage of the Red Sox and Indians engaging in a spirited debate around the Fenway mound last evening. While the whole thing was insitgated by some beanball action, the argument really got heated when Josh Beckett and Shelley Duncan went nose to nose. My sources tell me they were arguing the merits of famed director Luis Bunuel's first French period vs. his second French Period. Duncan thinks the latter was too lighthearted, but what can Beckett say? Sometimes he just craves whimsy.

    Sox manager Terry Francona also freaked out like a crazy maniac (too much Green Tea!) and looked like he wanted to pound Indians third base coach Steve Smith. But sitting at the bar watching this edition of Winstrol Theatre, it was plain even to Bob, the old guy next to me who works most nights and said he barely gets to watch games, that this was just another naked motivational ploy.

    "Just trying to put a fire under their asses", said Bob. I nodded in agreement. Everyone knows this.

    So why in the hell would it work? Or better yet, if it does work why don't players just realize it themselves? Here's Bill Hall after last night's game:

    "Things like this will spark a team, obviously it pulls a team together,'' Hall said. "It shows that we care about what's going on with this season.

    "There's a lot of superstars in this room, and for a team to come together and go out and show that this is a team and we're not going to let you push us around*, that's obviously something that can flip a switch and turn things around, and hopefully it does for us.''

    Guhhhhh. ME, YOU AND OLD BOB ALREADY KNOW THIS. Why does Francona have to push his blood pressure to Don Zimmer levels to make it sink in? Motivate yourself, Red Sox! Go pick a fight with a bunch of fans leaving the Cask & Flagon. Go whoop ass on those crust punks that hang out by the Harvard Square T Station. Quit doing it during games when guys can get ejected/suspended/hit in the head by a fastball and you're already 7 games out in the division. Wake up, Dummies.

    *especially if you're the freakin' INDIANS

    According to the video title this is how "Americans" dance at baseball games. Unlike the ones in Spain who do it with roses in their mouth or the ones in Italy that do it in handcuffs.

    Send this to anyone you know that went to Harvard.

    Tonight's Questions

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    Hey kids, making things safer for people on vacation is a good thing.

    • DOES our friend Paul ever watch his Cruise Planners News episodes once he uploads them? This one has his famous stiff as starch delivery AND tons of technical difficulty. Rick Dempsey update at 2:52.

    • WE'RE all pretty sure that the atrocious Jake Westbrook is going to be an ace with St. Louis right? Those dopes are always rehabbing lousy arms. He starts tonight vs. the Astros.

    • WILL the Dodgers have any shot at the division once their series with the Padres is over?
    I'm the big spoon, baseball is the little spoon. We'll see you tomorrow. Same WoW channel. Happy #HEIST Week!

    Don't Lose Touch With Reality, Rangers Fans

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    Because Reuters and their crack team of Tell It Like It Is headline writers are on the case. So what if you've got baseball's largest division lead by a mile? Take a good hard look in the mirror and see what your team truly is. BANKRUPT AND LED BY A HAS BEEN. Thanks a lot, Reuters. Like it isn't hard enough living in Texas in the summer.

    And if you haven't read the article (it's just a screencap, quit trying to fold it over to read the rest), bankruptcy court proposed allowing (then rejected) the Nolan Ryan Prospective Ownership Group Express to make a new bid on the team. The move would have canceled the impending auction for the club. Mavericks owner Mark Cuban is planning to take a break from being the human equivalent of an ignored car alarm on a busy street and make a bid for the team. Most importantly, stonewalling the auction would have prevented me from bidding on Oddibe McDowell's Pez dispenser collection. It is now scheduled for Wednesday. Phew.

    Even with sensational storylines like A-Rod filing objections to the bankruptcy, all of this amounts to nothing more than billable hours for the lawyers. Baseball is going to see to it that Nolan Ryan's boys own this team, barring God himself making a bid. And even then MLB would try to bury Him in the courts.