Kris Liakos: January 2011 Archives

Eternal Questions

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Hey kids, the moon has a face and it smiles on the lake.

  • WHAT can we say that we haven't already said in this month long goodbye? Well, it wouldn't hurt to say thank you again. Readers, collaborators, e'rybody,

  • WHAT will it be like to NOT chronicle a baseball season here for the first time since 2007? I assume it'll be weird for us, and maybe for you but we'll all adjust. And you can be pretty sure we're not gonna be silent, per se. We're all atwitter here. And we'll be popping up on our friends' sites to be sure.

  • GOT a witty bon mot that will metastasize and eventually kill you if you don't get it out? Hurry up and post it. Thought the site will stay up we're turning off comments this week.

  • HOW will your favorite team do this year? We wish em well no matter who they are.

  • SURE there are a million other places to read about baseball, but where will you go for talk about food and pictures of babies dressed like food? To Rob and mine's new website! We're in the formative stages of putting together Eatoff Eat, a new recipe and restaurant review site. It's on Tumblr (and Twitter), so it'll be a little less formal than things have been on WoW, but do stop by sometime to see if we figure it out.

So that's it. Today is Walkoff Walk's 3rd anniversary. It's also the day every insurance man dreams of. Packing up the office and heading home for a long leisurely retirement. I bought an RV. Rob and I wish all of you the very best and we'll see you this summer at the #HEIST. Be well, friends.

Same WoW channel.

We Got Politics In Your Baseball

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Thumbnail image for oldladyvoting.jpg

That little banner at the top of the page was as much as disclaimer as a mission statement. When we started Rob and I weren't the super tight bros we are now, but we knew enough about each others' internetting to realize that we'd probably wander off into the writing wilderness from time to time. The Human Condition Clause gave us the free reign to do that and most everyone seemed to be fine with it. To our surprise, this even included when we started spewing our lefty politics. Which we did quite a bit.

There's a political undercurrent to so many things we wrote, but the first time we decided to get explicit about things, I took on Dick Cheney, the easiest of targets. Sure there was a little backlash from one livid commenter, but this was early enough in the site's history to be filed under "thinning the herd." Was probably best for the little guy. He would have popped a vein in his head with all the other shots we took at him and his boss.

In retrospect, we talked about those two a bit too much back in the day and it comes off as kinda petty. Especially because we had little substance to the posts other than snark. This isn't a retraction, just a wish that we'd made something a little chewier. Lord knows there was enough material. See, I just did it again.

We poked some fun at the new guy when he took over too.

Later in life, I outlined my disillusionment with party politics and my annoyance at its interruption of my baseball playoffs. Note that I attack the New York Times, Conservative WoWies. Note also that I'm not calling for the separation of politics and sport, just bemoaning their televised overlap.

When we supported the Diamondbacks boycott it spurred a lot of good comments that included some measured opposition and I think we're still pretty proud of taking some sort of stance there.

In a 2008 New Yorker article about the Bejing Olympics, Anthony Lane said "The attempt to keep politics out of sport, which is as futile as trying to keep the sweat out of sex, began to falter once more." I love that quote and feel that anyone that has ever given us flack for the former doesn't have much experience with the latter. It's about passion, Biff. This site, and any site with comments which is to say every single one, gives you the forum to disagree and we were glad if you did. Just as long as you weren't raising the neutered cry to "keep em separated." So thanks for indudging us. I know you liked it better when we made up stuff about Graeme Lloyd or posted pictures of a guy getting slapped in the head, but we just couldn't help ourselves sometimes. Civic outrage and disillusionment were a part of our human condition, and you can't say we didn't warn you.

I second everything Rob said in last week's post. Searching for Classic TV Friday clips was one of my favorite blog related things to do. Back when I wrote a lot it was like a mini vacation. When I wrote less, I fooled myself into thinking it was an actual post. In any case, we saw lots of dope shit together, didn't we? I hope historians someday recognize the WoW Collection™ as an important contribution to the curation of stupid old baseball videos. Here are some faves.

Honorable mention goes to Joe Torre Flips Out - 1982, one we posted in July of '08. If it wasn't my favorite it sure was close, but unfortunately the video has been taken down. I'll make a batch of Cakies for anyone who can read the description in that link and find it for us.

Babe Ruth, Home Run On The Keys, June 13, 2008:

Playball Toy Commercial, July 3, 2008:

Will Clark Screams Like a Maniac, August 8, 2008:

Lucky Strike Cigarettes, February 27, 2009:

What's Up, Creampuff: A Feature That Finally Died

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When Rob and I first started we had a couple convoluted ideas for recurring features. All the ladies in the house that remember Tavern Talking Points say HAAAAAAAAY. But as we were advised by our peers and would find out on our own later, these things can't be forced. And what would become the first, and one of the longest running, features was What's Up, Creampuff.. Like 95% of the things I wrote it started as a whimsical and mildly newsy one off where I insulted baseball players. For sensitivity's sake I used a picture of a random guy being loaded onto an ambulance via gurney. It stuck.This poor dude's suffering become blog iconic. And a t-shirt. Sorry, man.

Like everything we were amazed that people read it and more than anything else in the early days, Creampuff helped inform my writing style. I wrote variations of the word "dude" a lot, used all caps too much and turned medical/baseball talk into beatnik slang. Always remember that it's longer to type "deel" than "DL" but shorter to say. I also libeled dozens of middling journeymen by saying they were raped by wallabies. Still my favorite tag. The feature prompted one of our earliest, longest and strangest guest pieces, Will Carroll's LSD-Noir epic, Picking The Historical Creampuff. Though he tabs Jose Canseco (there goes that man again!) as the All Time Creampuff, the piece is notable for its inclusion of Mark Fidrych just about one year before he died under his dump truck. WILL CARROLL IS A WITCH.

When you've finally wasted so much time in your office that you have literally nothing else good to look at on the internet (and trust me, that day is coming) I hope you'll peruse these here WoW archives. If you do, I think you'll find that Creampuff retires with a pretty high Joke Per Word Typed percentage. Maybe you'll be able to use some good ones to make fun of your sick/injured friends/relatives. But for now, let's get all empirical on that ass as we find the ALL-TIME WALKOFF WALK CREAMPUFF by combing the entire category link and counting names...

Okay this is taking way too long and I have no idea how to actually do it in a reasonable manner. But I can speculate with some degree of certainty that the first name that appears the most is "Carlos."