As a nation waited on the edge of its seat, something finally happened. No, I'm not talking about the health care reform. I'm talking about Joe Mauer, silly. On the day when most people actually are awaiting the results of the health-care bill, another drawn-out, long-running story (this one from Major League Baseball) finally came to a close. Dude just got paid. Damn alliteration made it take longer for me to get this post out.

AL MVP Joe Mauer has agreed to an eight-year, $184 million contract extension to stay with the Minnesota Twins.

The deal announced Sunday covers the 2011-2018 seasons and includes a full no-trade clause. It's the culmination of a monthslong negotiation between the Twins and their hometown star.

It's hard, nay impossible to say Mauer doesn't deserve that money (8.0 WAR last season as a catcher), so don't even try. Good for baseball too since this means the rich (Yankees and Red Sox) won't be getting significantly richer anytime soon by acquiring Mauer's services in the free agent market. With Mauer, Morneau, and Denard Span under contract for the long term, the "small-market" Twins have a tremendous core and a nice new stadium to show it off in.

Update: Sorry, forgot this. My wholphin virginity is no more.

I constantly perpetuate my image as a nerd who loves using stats to better look into the game I adore. But there is one set of statistics I simply cannot tolerate. A part of me dies every time someone refers to Spring Training numbers as if they actually meant something. Allow me to explain...

On Thursday evening, the Yankees and Rays engaged in a Spring Training game. Carlos Pena had one hit, wherein he festooned a ball over the fence in the Rays' losing effort. That hit was Carlos Pena's first hit of Spring Training. Going into play yesterday he was a grand 1-for-24 before adding a second hit and an RBI in another contest with the Yankees last night. Yeesh. No doubt there were Rays fans (five of the eight of them that actually exist, zing!) wringing their hands and breathing sighs of relief that Carlos Pena was finally out of his funk. If he gets off to a slow start, they'll probably gesticulate wildly at his preseason performance. Several Yankees fans were thinking the same thing aloud on Twitter with CC Sabathia's documented struggles. This is me unfollowing.

Look, you can take your Jason Heyward bombs and your Dominic Brown rocket arms and your Strasboners, I'll be waiting not-so-patiently for the games that actually matter. Why? Because to believe that someone like Carlos Pena would actually be an unproductive hitter based on his success facing opponents in Spring Training would be nothing short of absurd. We're talking about a guy who has never had a wRC+ below 100 in his career, and who boasts the highest FB rate in baseball the last three seasons. He's going to put the ball in the air, he's going to hit HR, and he's going to get on the other side of the karmic boomerang after posting an abysmal .250 BABIP last season (expected BABIP was .296). One of the lords of the three true outcomes knows no other way to exist, folks.

It's not that seeing Heyward hit balls into outer space isn't fun. Just the opposite. But I don't burn my fandom bridges for a player like CC just because of the month of March for the same reason I don't try to fellate a power drill.

Photo courtesy of Flickr user Keith Allison. Righteous indignation courtesy of me!

• HOW many jokes can you make about the Cubs (of all teams) putting a giant Toyota sign in Wrigley Field in 30 seconds. BEGIN.


• SICK of hearing Carl Crawford talk about his impending free agency? Think about how he feels.


• WHY is Derek Jeter such a wimp?


• INTERESTED in the wacky subsets Toppsopoly is sticking in card packs this year? I hope it involves DNA and/or gunpowder!


• DID you know that Ron Washington (FREE RON WASHINGTON) isn't the only AL Wester with a lil drug habit? Check out this LA Times headline.


• WHO are your preseason Cy Young picks for the NL. People in Orlando are real high on Tommy Hanson so far this Spring.


• LIVE in Boston? LOOKING for something to do tomorrow? May I humbly suggest you take a trip to Central Square and hit up Blastfest 3. It's being thrown by the good people of the Whitehaus Family Record. Over 25 bands (including mine) will be playing. And it's $5!! So do it. I'm wearing a Garfield shirt in this picture but you can't really tell.

In the spirit of such famous baseball player/surrealist duos as Ted Williams and Rene Magritte, Frankie Frisch and Joan Miró, and Bob Gibson and Marcel Duchamp comes this ad for Braniff Airlines starring former Yankees pitcher Whitey Ford and famed Catalan artist Salvador Dalí. Because when you want to choose an airline, you want to take advice from a highly imaginative, bizarre and quirky character, and also Salvador Dalí.

I shuddered so much at Whitey's last line in this ad that I wished I had a pretzel to throw at him.]]> http://www.walkoffwalk.com/2010/03/whitey-ford-and-salvador-dali.html http://www.walkoffwalk.com/2010/03/whitey-ford-and-salvador-dali.html Classic TV Friday Braniff Salvador Dalí Whitey Ford classic television Fri, 19 Mar 2010 11:30:00 -0500

A special late edition of TQ.

• DID I agree to do Tonight's Questions and then forget about it almost immediately? I'm pretty sure you know the answer to this one.
• HOW will Ron Washington keep his weight down now that Tom Hicks has decreed "zero tolerance" on cocaine use?
• WHERE will the Mets and Marlins be playing from June 28-30? That'd be San Juan, Puerto Rico, instead of Miami. Now the residents of the United States' largest unincorporated dependent territory can see the Mets screw up live and in person!
• WHAT will Cliff Lee be doing for the first five games of this season? Apparently, sitting on the bench, as he's been suspended.

Okay, fellas, back tomorrow for more fun. FREE RON WASHINGTON!

I hope you turned your clocks back, friend, because it's finally time for us to turn our gaze towards the Walkoff Walk annual divisional previews. Daylight ain't the only thing you'll be saving if you peek back at 2008 and 2009's versions. Boy, did we miss the mark in almost every way possible! But at least we had fun being wrong, no?

Previously, Liakos looked into the plight of the AL Central. It was a hoot. Today, we stay in Middle America but flop over to the National League once again.

If the National League Central was one of your family members, it'd be the oft-ignored doughy 45-year-old male uncle that everyone assumes is gay, only to shock and awe the clan on Thanksgiving when he shows up with a 22-year-old Norwegian model, a Porsche, and a fine Armani suit. And then he leaves before dessert because nobody put out his organic cranberry, mint and tangerine sauce.

What does that have to do with the NL Central? Well, we tend to push our biases towards the coastal teams in the NL, your Phillies, your Dodgers, etc, and just assume that the winner of this flyover division will struggle to the gate with a mediocre record and fade early in the Division Series. But watch out, because you never know when Tony La Russa will show up to your house, wearing a big grin, toting his cranberries.

Make with the previews:

6. Houston Astros

The Good:

• Roy Oswalt and Wandy Rodriguez are good enough to win 20 games. Well, combined, with the lackluster offensive support expected.
  
  
• They probably won't be spending $100 million to field a losing team in 2010. The projected payroll is about $90 million, down from last year's high-priced squadron of squalor. Still, those former Phillies players do not come cheap, Eddie. Would I be surprised to hear Ed Wade convince Dickie Thon and Von Hayes to come out of retirement and don Astros jerseys? No.
  
  
• Houston still has Momma and Poppa Bush sucking face at Minute Maid Park to inspire and arouse the fanbase. Yecch.
  
  

The Bad:

• Their best player has an ouchie in his knee-spot. Lance Berkman may not make Opening Day. If fans are lucky, he'll be in full form by the Day After Opening Day, but without The Big Puma, the 'Stros offense rests firmly on Hunter Pence. Poor, misdirected Hunter Pence.
  
  
• Leadoff man Michael Bourn will probably regress to a not-very-good on base percentage. Fella overachieved and posted a heady .366 BABIP in '09 to accompany his career-high .354 OBP; chances are he'll revert to his career average of .327. Pair him with Kaz Matsui and the big bats won't have as many runners to drive in.
  
  
• New manager and former Red Sox bench coach Brad Mills' resumé is about as impressive as former Astros manager Cecil Cooper, in that they both batted left-handed as players and have never been in my kitchen.

Predictions: 74-88 record. Carlos Lee's daily diet of four steaks and two pounds of spare ribs cause him to have coronary bypass surgery by July. Brett Myers goes 1-0 with a 8.27 ERA against his former team and 5-16 with a 2.83 ERA against the rest of the league; considers his season a miserable success. Team hosts "Jesus Day" on September 29th where every fan dressed in a robe, beard and sandals wins the right to ride a burro around the warning track after the game.

5. Milwaukee Brewers

The Good:

• Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder are monsters. Perhaps the best 3-4 hitter combination in baseball, these two gents could combine to smack 100 homers and drive in 300 runs...if only the Brewers could afford to surround them with talent. Instead, surrounding them in the lineup with Gregg Zaun and Jim Edmonds is like wrapping a Christmas present in rotten garbage.
  
  
• They have the coziest relationship between fans and ownership around. Brewers ownership has provided many, many ticket discounts and deals for Milwaukee fans, who will continue to show up to games despite a mediocre 2009 season. These folks tailgate like champions and aren't afraid to tell you about it.
  
  
• Yovani Gallardo is ready for his closeup. Yo Guy is finally healthy, has a full solid season to build on, and wants the ball for Opening Day. Cy Young worthy? Probably not. But it will be a relief for Brewers fans to see Yo Guy on the mound in the first game instead of last year's choice, Jeff Suppan.

The Bad:

• Speaking of Soup, here is the rest of the Brewers rotation: Jeff Suppan. Randy Wolf. Manny Parra. Dave Bush. I'm no expert on evaluating pitching talent, or projecting pitching performance, but even I know a group of stinkers when I sees 'em. This stinks. Like your uncle's cranberry, mint, and tangerine dressing.
  
  
• Rickie Weeks misses J.J. Hardy like a fat kid at fat camp misses fat cake. The Brewers traded Hardy to the Twins and will replace him at short with rookie Alcides Escobar. Weeks says he'll "hurt a little because he and Hardy were close and that they've talked during spring training." Stop snickering! Separation anxiety is no laughing matter.
  
  
• Did I mention I don't care for Gregg Zaun?
  
  

Predictions: 76-86 record. Team sells record 3.3 million tickets, sells record 23.4 million beers, and spends a record $59.25 million cleaning the ballpark bathrooms. Corey Hart gets traded to the Diamondbacks mid-season for a octabong to be named later. Trevor Hoffman saves 8 games and retires in August to pursue a career harassing John Smoltz via email.

3. (tie) Pittsburgh Pirates

The Good:

• The patron saint of my heart: Andrew McCutchen. Sure, he lost the NL ROY award to Jesus freak Chris Coghlan but young Andrew's name will be on the backs of many a shirsey in Pittsburgh this summer. For good reason, too: he's got 30-30 potential and could just as easily fill the #3 slot in the lineup as he could lead off.
  
  
• They've got three good young pitchers. Maybe they're all fourth starter quality on a contender, but Zach Duke, Paul Maholm, and Charlie Morton all possess the stuff to earn their keep and maybe, just maybe, turn the Pirates around in 2010. Don't sleep on Ross Ohlendorf, either. Seriously, don't sleep on him, the WoW office has a day bed if you're tired.
  
  
• Rinku and Dinesh are quietly kicking ass, taking names.
  
  

The Bad:

• After McCutchen and power-bat Garrett Jones, the Pirates offense consists of cast-offs and question marks. Big things are/were forecast for Jeff Clement, Lastings Milledge, Jose Tabata, and Andy LaRoche, all former Top 100 Prospects. It's going to take a miracle for each of these gentlemen to get their act together simultaneously. But even if that gets delayed until 2011, it's not such a bad thing.
  
  
• Their biggest offseason acquisition was Aki Iwamura. He's an above-average fielder and he'll slot in nicely to the second position in the batting order. But really, Pittsburgh is going to need marked improvements from members of their weak 2009 offense to contend.
  
  
• There exists a myth among certain Pirates fans that ownership is purposely being non-competitive to save money. While the Pirates may have made some questionable moves in their not-too-distant past, there is no question that the current team management is making money-saving moves in order to build a contender from the bottom up, in the same model as the Rays. Yes, Pittsburgh cannot afford to hang with the Bostons and New Yorks and Los Angelesesses of the world, but they can afford to be smart and lock up young talent.

Predictions: 81-81 record. Team rejoices at the first non-losing season since Jim Leyland's butts littered the home dugout at Three Rivers. The Pirates final home date sells out in anticipation of possible .500 record, marking just the third sell out of the year (Opening Day and HEIST). Pirates sign Elijah Dukes next week, release him in May, and re-sign him in July only to trade him to the Mets for a PTBNL. Manager John Russell learns how to quilt.

3. (tie) Chicago Cubs

The Good:

• Hey, Wrigley Field is a fun place to visit and drink! Sometimes they play baseball there, too.
  
  
• Ryan Theriot has all the makings of a honest-to-goodness leadoff hitter. His OBP tumbled a bit to .343 last season but could easily bring that back up if he stops hacking at pitches outside the strike zone and gets his patience back. Walks good, strikeouts bad, Ryan.
  
  
• Carlos Zambrano, Ted Lilly, and Ryan Dempster are a tidy trio of starters. They can strike batters out and could easily each win 15 games (if healthy). They're no Carpenter/Wainwright, but they're capable enough of pushing a team towards a Wild Card.

The Bad:

• Carlos Silva might be the fifth starter. Give this man 90 innings in Wrigley Field and he might give up 30 home runs. Fella rarely walks a batter, but he also rarely strikes 'em out. Silva is a one true outcome kind of guy: homers, homers, and more homers.
  
  
• Wow, is this offense getting old and crusty. First baseman Derrek Lee and the entire starting outfield are on the wrong side of 30, with Fontenot and Theriot one year away. Time is a bitch, and this group makes the typically elderly Red Sox look like a bunch of whippersnappers.
  
  
• No manager is more on the verge of coronary failure than Lou Piniella. I'm not saying he'll have a heart attack in the dugout, but I'm not saying that he won't, either.
  
  

Predictions: 81-81 record. Odd, isn't it? Were the Cubs and Pirates to both finish with a cousin-kissin' .500 record, we'd have two completely divergent opinions on the concept of a 50-50 split. In Pittsburgh, fans would finally feel a sense of accomplishment, having put an end to nearly two decades of losing. In Chicago, fans would riot knowing that nearly $150 million in payroll couldn't even produce a Wild Card contender, let alone a division winner. Quite the dichotomy, eh?

2. Cincinnati Reds

The Good:

• Aroldis Chapman has a sinking two-seamer, a 102 MPH fastball, and a wicked good ropa vieja recipe that will make every Cincinnatian forget about Skyline chili. The Cuban emigre may not break camp with the Reds but the tall lefty could whiz through the minors and make his big league debut this year.
  
  
• Joey Votto is the Canadian equivalent of Albert Pujols. He may not have all the bells and whistles but he comes with government-sponsored healthcare and his own hockey sweater. Fella missed 30 games last year due to depression and/or dizziness, which is sad. Let us project a full season of powerful contributions from Votto, because frankly, we like him.
  
  
• Willy Taveras is gone, daddy, gone.

The Bad:

• Unlike Votto, I am not going to project that the Reds will get a full season out of third baseman Scott Rolen. Probably because he's still trying to get through "The Jungle". Outside of Votto and Brandon Phillips, the Reds have little depth in the infield. Remember, they voluntarily employ Aaron Miles.
  
  
• Edinson Volquez is rehabbing from Tommy John surgery and Homer Bailey and Johnny Cueto are so young and dainty, I shudder to think of the kind of damage that could be wrought by mismanagement of these fellas. Poor Dusty gets a bad rap for hurting pitchers' arms; he wouldn't be able to do all that damage if he had some higher-ups putting innings limits/pitch count limits on them. Dusty's not a bad leader of men, he's just bad at strategy. You can mitigate the strategy part.
  

Predictions: 83-79 record. Bronson Arroyo's band opens for Christopher Cross and UB40 at the Five Thirds Arena. Catchers Ryan Hanigan and Ramon Hernandez post identical .270/.338/.397 lines in exactly 352 plate appearances each and both change their name to Frank after the season ends. Reds build on their 2010 success by signing eleven free agents and then losing 100 games in 2011.

1. St. Louis Cardinals

The Good:

• They are the 'haves' in a division bogged down with 'have-nots'. They have Chris Carpenter, Adam Wainwight, Albert Pujols, and Matt Holliday, all of whom stand head and shoulders above any of their counterparts in the division.
  
  
• Colby Rasmus will have a full season in center field to prove his worth. The youngster is ripe for a breakout year and hitting ahead of Pujols and Holliday in the lineup should help out his offense. Defensively, it's at least better than putting Rick Ankiel out there.
  
  
• Tony La Russa is an evil genius. He may come off like a dithering Italian animal rights activist, but he's secretly calculating ways to double switch your ass back to the stone age. Plus c'mon, take a look at the rest of the managers in this division. La Russa would eat them for breakfast but they're not made of tofu.

The Bad:

• It's almost a guarantee that they are going to trade Albert Pujols for Ryan Howard. I mean, it's a given at this point. The trade just makes too much sense to not pull the trigger. A slam dunk. Yep.
  
  
• Offensive question marks at third base (David Freese) and shortstop (Brendan Ryan). Neither of these gents is going to win a Silver Slugger award, but Ryan is there for his glove and Freese is just a kid with a funny name.

Predictions: 92-70 record. A division title and a chance to win the National League pennant, which they don't. Pujols wins the MVP. Keith Law leaves Carpenter and Wainwright off his Cy Young ballot and causes the city council of St. Louis to publicly denounce home cooking and novels. Skip Schumaker hits five triples in one game and refuses to donate his spikes to the hall of fame, saying they are "forged by Satan" and "impossible to pry off his feet".

]]> http://www.walkoffwalk.com/2010/03/thats-why-they-play-the-games-15.html http://www.walkoffwalk.com/2010/03/thats-why-they-play-the-games-15.html 2010 Division Previews NL Central Thu, 18 Mar 2010 10:30:00 -0500

Hey kids, napping is not a valid excuse.

• WHAT exactly separates USA Today from Parade Magazine? Judging from this story about Irish baseball stuff, very little.


• HOW much drool will Meech leak out over Domonic Brown this year?


• WHO is the kissing bandit that gave Jed Lowrie mono? Mono? Seriously? I'm looking forward to him landing on the DL with head lice later this season.


• HOW does Chuck Knoblauch party? By getting barred out on Xannies and choking his wife. Further proof that all short guys are dicks.


• WHO is the mystery racist that went on the PA and asked all black people to leave a Philly Wal-Mart? My money is on Danny Briere.


• IS Sarah Palin's moronic, pandering and cloying political schtick too highbrow for you? ThenJamie McCourt is your candidate for President!


• EVER wanted to sit down and have a convo with Bill James? Well keep dreamin' and leave it to a handsome expert like Geoff Baker.

So uh, Happy St. Patrick's Day I guess. This is one of those holidays I stopped celebrating after college. Like Cinco De Mayo. But by all means, you go live it up. See you tomorrow, precious. Same WoW channel.

FREE RON WASHINGTON! ]]> http://www.walkoffwalk.com/2010/03/tonights-questions-272.html http://www.walkoffwalk.com/2010/03/tonights-questions-272.html FREE RON WASHINGTON tonight's questions videos that are better on drugs Wed, 17 Mar 2010 16:30:00 -0500

News out of the Heyman Hole indicates that Rangers manager Ron Washington tested positive for cocaine in July 2009. He has been tested with increased frequency since then and has tested negative every time.

Interesting news, yes, but even more noteworthy is that team ownership did not fire him on the spot; they accepted his apology and retained him as manager of the improving team. Here's Ron explaining why he came clean (even if it was at the last possible moment):

Washington took the unusual step of calling the commissioner's office shortly after he was tested following the 2009 All-Star break to warn it that he might fail the test. Washington told the commissioner's office and his Rangers bosses about his cocaine use before the test results were known, and the team decided not to fire him after the test did come back positive.

"It was the right thing to do,'' Washington said of his decision to come forward. "I couldn't deal with the result to come back positive and be a shock to those who've shown faith in me.''

Some questions I'd like to be answered:

• Does this explain why former drug addict Josh Hamilton wore that awesome Ron Washington tee last year?
  
  
• Does this explain why Washington and notable straight-edge weirdo C.J. Wilson don't get along?
  
  
• Which teams would have fired their manager had he tested positive for coke? Or tested positive for something worse?
  
  
• Didn't George W. Bush sell the team years ago?
  
  
• How will the reactionary Richard Justices and the Mike Lupicas of the world react to this news?

Most importantly, how long before a baseball blogger photoshops a trail of cocaine emerging from Washington's left nostril, in the style of that dweeb Perez Hilton?

I salute Mr. Washington for admitting his problems in an upfront manner and I salute the Rangers for keeping him as manager. Cocaine is a bad thing and you kids should just say no, yada yada, but let us not crucify a man for such a mistake.]]> http://www.walkoffwalk.com/2010/03/ron-washington-admits-his-drug.html http://www.walkoffwalk.com/2010/03/ron-washington-admits-his-drug.html Josh Hamilton Rangers Ron Washington cocaine Wed, 17 Mar 2010 14:00:00 -0500 As animated gifs of people shooting whales or dolphins are hard to come by, we'll use a semi-regular wholphin to announce the curious news of Elijah Dukes receiving his unconditional release from the Washington Nationals.

The talented right fielder with a history of off-field problems was a shoe-in for the starting job in Capitol City this year. The temptation to label Dukes as "troubled" is easy and lazy, Dukes kept his nose clean for the better part of two years. Some truant legal fees and an odd incident involving a Little League appearance aside, Dukes played good baseball in between nagging injuries.

Nats manager Jim Riggleman swears up and down this was "strictly a baseball decision", though most of people around baseball lay in wait for the other shoe to drop. If Dukes was cut free for strictly baseball reasons, consider the decision "a very bad one" and move on.

Dukes has value as a cost-controlled outfielder with power and patience. Though his 2009 wasn't what the Nationals hoped out of the 25 year old, he projects well above average at worst at the plate and right around league average in the field. One would think a team like that Nats, fed up with the Dukes sideshow or convinced they can match his production somewhere else, would explore trade possibilities to shore up one of their many, many, many holes. Luckily for the fans of the Braves, Mets, Marlins, Phillies, and Schadenfreudes, the Nationals simply let him walk. For nothing.

The one upside to this move &mdash aside from some lucky club acquiring a very talented and potentially motivated ball player &mdash is the increased reps Adam Dunn might see in the outfield! Oh, the fun we'll have! ]]> http://www.walkoffwalk.com/2010/03/recurring-news-item-nationals.html http://www.walkoffwalk.com/2010/03/recurring-news-item-nationals.html Elijah Dukes Nationals Wed, 17 Mar 2010 11:25:48 -0500 As you're well aware, Spring Training is still here and in full swing. This is especially true if you're a Braves fan as Jason Heyward has now probably hit your vehicle with a ball regardless of where you are in the state relative to him. A veritable flood of photos are starting to hit the wires as teams countdown towards opening day. I've undertaken this endeavor before on my other site, but my longing for real baseball that actually means something still abounds so I figured it's time to do it again with you fine folks to help pass the time.

Should Tony LaRussa be worried too?

Word on the street is Timmy got ahold of some good stuff this past weekend.

The Phillies teach their players proper classroom etiquette.

He's not that easy to get rid of, Hanley.

Because it had to have been an inside job. Really inside.

How to make it in the Royals organization, a story in two parts...

Meanwhile...

Original images courtesy of Daylife. Make them yourself.

• WHO wants to be the official Walkoff Walk Translator for new radio show "Latino Baseball Chicago" hosted by Ozzie Guillen's sons, Ozzie Jr. and Oney? I'd hate to think we were missing any Insano comments we could run.


• CAN anyone think of a more fitting title for Dmitri Young than Vice President? Hey, hey not all at once.


• DID you notice that we just retroactively added a Classic TV Friday category to the right side of the page? It's a veritable treasure trove in there. Have fun.


• DOES anyone besides Mark Feinsand call Legends Field "The Boss"? THERE IS ONLY ONE "THE BOSS". I am, of course, referring to Mr. Gorpley.


• DO you agree with Jon Heyman that the Angels have the best rotation in baseball? If so, you're either Mike Scioscia or you're tripping your face off.


• WHAT do you think of Carlos Pena's new girlfriend? Va va voom!


• WHY is everyone so quick to judge Jason Kendall and Bobby Crosby for overdoing it a little bit on the ol' Adderall? Have you READ their respective papers on Subtropical Weather Phenomena and Michel Foucault's Society Must Be Defended? Brilliant stuff. Took focus.


• ARE you convinced, like Dave Sheinin, that the NL is a league full of bums that will garner nary a hit against Roy Halladay for the entire season and we should just give him the Cy Young now? I love ol' Doc but if you're buying into this, you're tripping your face off.

Finally a quick belated congrats to FoWoW and occasional contributor Brian MacPherson on his new gig as the Red Sox writer for the Providence Journal. Dude is incisive and forward thinking with his numbers. Great move for the Projo. That's it for us today, we'll see you tomorrow. You too, Flamingo Baby. ]]> http://www.walkoffwalk.com/2010/03/tonights-questions-271.html http://www.walkoffwalk.com/2010/03/tonights-questions-271.html Flamingo Baby tonight's questions Tue, 16 Mar 2010 17:00:00 -0500 That's right, folks, there are two baseball-related professional wrestling stories in the news, and I'm going to cover them both!

First off we have the news that Pete Rose will be the guest host for WWE Monday Night Raw on March 22. Hey, that's next Monday!

Pete Rose has done WWE/WWF shows before, as well as commercials! He was also a guest ring announcer at Wrestlemania XIV in Boston, where he told the crowd, "I had tickets for Bill Buckner, but he wasn't able to bend over to pick them up." He was then fictionally beaten up!

Expect a Cinema Varitek on this, as Rose will certainly be fictionally beaten up again by at least one wrestler. Maybe more, if we're lucky.

In other news, Bob Uecker will be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame next week! He was the master of ceremonies for Wrestlemanias III (Hulk Hogan-Andre the Giant) and IV (WWF Title Tournament), and apparently the WWE has been attempting to induct him for years, but there were always conflicts. William "The Refrigerator" Perry is also a WWE Hall of Famer, incidentally.

Uecker will, naturally, be inducted into the HOF by Dick Ebersol. Pete Rose is already a WWE Hall of Famer, because I think you get paid like 10 grand when you enter the WWE HOF.

And, what that, we end with video of Andre the Giant choking out Bob Uecker.

Amazing Uecker doesn't drop the microphone through all that.

Most Jeter comparisons invariably rush to "intangibles" quicker than a base hit bouncing past Jeter's glove side, O'Dowd thinks Tulowitzki's "innate" leadership abilities class him as a "once-in-a-decade" player.

To be fair to O'Dowd, it's the Times headline that screams TULO = JETER IN THE MOUNTAINS, though the Rockies GM doesn't hesitate to play the small market card when comparing the two shortstops relative levels of fame.

If he played in New York or Boston or for the Cubs, he would be recognized right now as one of the best players in the game -- not young players, but players in the game

Or, had Tulowitzki not responded with a stinktastic sophomore season after bursting onto the national baseball stage in 2007, his five-tooled goodness would have a much higher profile. Once a decade? More like once every other year, amirite??

More troubling than Dan O'Dowd's eagerness to position Tulo as the new Face of Baseball is his tossed-off slam on the great Indians teams of the late nineties, teams O'Dowd helped build.

In Cleveland, we really never had that kind of a player; we had great players. And that's why we didn't win a World Series. I think that's why we fell short. We didn't have one straw that was stirring the drink, taking everybody to a different level.

At the risk of taking a baseball GM too literally, think about this for a second. Those great Indians teams featured some of the best players of their time, including the criminally underrated Kenny Lofton. But O'Dowd believes they failed to win the World Series because they lacked a leader? Didn't they lose the 1997 World Series to the Florida Marlins?

Gary Sheffield. Bobby Bonilla. Moises Alou. Kevin Brown. Who among this group of notorious pricks and mercenaries would qualify as the "straw that stirs the drink?" How could this team, with all the high-priced turnover from the previous year, classify as a cohesive unit with a common goal? They won a 7 game series because of talent and luck. The Indians reached the series and lost for the very same reasons. Leadership is nice to talk about in March with a guy from the New York Times, but really?

Motivating 25 guys every night for six months is tough, no doubt. But isn't it amazing how these mythical leadership qualities seem to grow and improve when surrounded by increasingly talent players? That must be the mark of real leadership: get players much better than you to perform to the true talent level. Then; watch the plaudits and playmates roll in. ]]> http://www.walkoffwalk.com/2010/03/dan-odowd-is-supportive-delusi.html http://www.walkoffwalk.com/2010/03/dan-odowd-is-supportive-delusi.html Dan O'Dowd Rocktober Tulowitzki Tue, 16 Mar 2010 12:45:57 -0500

Notable Irish tenor Ronan Tynan, who was banned from Yankee Stadium because of some off-color remarks about the Jews, has made the expected move and turned over his bald dome and throaty voice to the Boston side. The man who looks like a potato soaked in beer sang his trademark "God Bless America" at the end of the annual South Boston political St Patrick's Day breakfast/wankfest and donned a Red Sox jersey at the behest of one of the hosts.

Will this mean that Tynan will show up for Opening Day in Fenway to sing his signature schmaltz during the seventh-inning stretch? Probably, but it's doubtful the team that cast him off will care. We've still got the disembodied voice of Kate Smith! She's far too dead to make anti-Semitic jokes (anymore)!

Speaking of the Irish, my favorite part about the St. Patrick's Day season is my annual corned beef and cabbage dinner. It's the one time each year I eat Irish food so I can be thankful that I'm Italian and that I have a far better cuisine to draw from over the remaining 364 days.]]> http://www.walkoffwalk.com/2010/03/infamous-anti-semite-ships-up.html http://www.walkoffwalk.com/2010/03/infamous-anti-semite-ships-up.html Ronan Tynan St. Patricks Day not-so-subtle racism the Irish the Jews Tue, 16 Mar 2010 09:30:00 -0500

Hey kids, your brain is a sponge and the internet is filthy dishwater.

• WHO is coming with me to the "Baseball Nightclub" that the Rays are going to set up in the Trop? Can I borrow your mesh shirt? Mine smells like rubbing alcohol and cumin.


• WILL Mark Teixeira be able to overcome another "slow start" with hard work and a boat full of platitutdes?


• WHY does Ryan Howard have to spend a single second responding to Buster Olney's dumb trade story? Olney is singlehandedly costing our nation millions of dollars in lost productivity. Even if by some chance this trade ever did happen, there's no indication even in his story, that it's even in negotiation. Just thought I'd take a turn at venting.


• NEED an indication of where Daniel Cabrera's career has ended up? He's currently the 7th strongest candidate for the White Sox' final middle reliever position.


• WHO'S gonna be the lowballing band of shysters with the lowest payroll this season? Get excited Padre fans!


• DO you live in Philadelphia? Next time you see FoWoW Enrico from The 700 Level drinks are on him. He sold the site to Comcast for $400 Million! I actually have no idea how much money is involved in these sorts of things, but you know. MAKE THAT PAPER STACK, YOUNG MAN


• HAVE you signed up for the WoW Tourney Pick 'Em? GO NOLES!!!!!!11111UNO!!!!

Man, the season is approaching quickly. We better kick this thing into gear. Thanks for sticking with us through This Sleepy Winter Of Our Discontent. Shouts to our hilaripals over at 12 Angry Mascots for the Fernando Perez video. See you all tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. ]]> http://www.walkoffwalk.com/2010/03/tonights-questions-270.html http://www.walkoffwalk.com/2010/03/tonights-questions-270.html tonight's questions Mon, 15 Mar 2010 16:45:00 -0500