Recently in This Tweet in Baseball Category

Truth be told, we did not invent "This Tweet In Baseball". We only innovated it. In the same way that a new product can always be made by slapping a beer bottle opener on an already existing product, we took the concept of collating tweets from famous people from the good folks at Eater.com and slapped a beer bottle opener on the side. Oh, and we presented the tweets of baseball players, beat writers, and general gadabouts like Tommy Lasorda.

And technically, none of the editors at Walkoff Walk even came up with the idea of porting Eater's feature to the arena of baseball. That credit goes to top commenter NJPANick, so thanks Nick!

"This Tweet" turned out to be more popular than I expected. Popular Phillies blogger Mike "Meech" Meechiano was perhaps the biggest fan of "This Tweet"; I could always count on a RT from the proprietor of The Fightins1. But what should have been a weekly feature turned into a monthly special and now I'm here to give it a proper burial. Nobody can ever, ever do a weekly rundown of baseball player tweets anywhere in the blogosphere. Ever again.

Enough with the legal mumbo-jumbo. On with the listicle of my favorite 140-charactered nonsense from the past year of "This Tweet in Baseball"!

At the top of the list of things we wanted to highlight were baseball players possibly talking about Internet porn. Thanks, Jason Grilli.


Perhaps the most featured baseball player was Florida Marlins outfielder Chris Coghlan, whose proselytizing and in-your-face spirituality came off cheap and downright silly on Twitter. Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Tweet about it and we'll make fun of you.



Also great: players oversharing about their various illnesses and bouts of barfing or the Hershey squirts, especially when they picked it up from their kids:


Or from food poisoning, allegedly:


Remember the day Ozzie Guillen joined Twitter? It was like Christmas and New Years Eve and Opening Day, all mashed up into one. God, he is the best.


Our other favorite manager on Twitter is noted ginzo Tommy Lasorda, He might not compose his own Tweets but following him is worth it just for the awkward photos.


Jim Bowden was, is, and forever will be a total dope. He's also a total bore who feels the need to tweet about Hollywood and celebrities like a common hausfrau.


Jose Canseco, once shockingly hilarious with his unmatchable display of dumbness, has become a parody of himself lately. Doesn't mean his spewings are any less entertaining in retrospect:


Alright, fans of "This Tweet": hit the bricks.

1It needs to be said: Walkoff Walk, like hot pretzels and the TV sitcom "Amen", was especially popular in Philadelphia. We thank the good people of that fine city for their support over the years.

Here's some inside information from one anonymous baseball writer not currently wasting away in Orlando: nobody likes going to baseball's Winter Meetings. Not the caffeine-addled writers, not the beleaguered general managers, not the attention-starved agents and not even former MLB reliever Tom Gordon who I heard tossing softball questions on Sirius/XM's MLB Network Radio last night. Nope, it sure seems like a pain to drag your ass onto a plane just as the holiday season is swinging wide open and hang out in a hotel lobby for sixteen hour stretches with a bunch of other doughy menfolk.

All for what? To recycle rumours and spread speculation? There are only so many stories in Mickey's gulag. I realize that getting a tasty hot item is worth its weight in retweets in today's nouveau instant journalism but for those of us casual fans in the Twittersphere who just want to be entertained, who are we to follow?

That's where Walkoff Walk's semi-irregular "This Tweet in Baseball" feature comes in. This week in, we'll point out some of the good Twooters and, in the interest of fairness, some of the, uh, less good ones. To the microblogs!

Yankees beat writer Mark Feinsand tries his hardest to get a scoop from Cliff Lee's agent, who, by his presumably paraphrased quote, does not possess the ability as a human being to express the emotion of astonishment. But Feinsand smartly corrects a prior story about Brian Cashman's whirlwind travel schedule, so we'll give him a pass on this one.


But sometimes, the gossiping gets to be a little too much. Nobody wants to read the same chit-chat over and over again on the Twittersphere. ESPN writer Molly Knight took a step back to evaluate the stinky reporter-filled lobby at the Dolphin Hotel and, without spreading nasty blind items of her own like, "Which baseball blogger was spotted washing his undershirt in the public mens room?", she opines with this:


Of course, the only thing worse than reading the same gossip over and over again is reading about a baseball writer dealing with the security lines at the airport. (See also: Lennon, David) And what's the deal with airplane food, amirite! Truth is, there are enough of your friends following the major national writers so if you don't want to miss these squawking heads' breaking news tweets, just wait for some other schmo to retweet the news.


Some of the national writers who I've previously derided, however, have improved their Twittering skills greatly of late. One of these folks is Ken Rosenthal, who is thoughtful enough to credit other writers when talking about trades, smart enough to correct his earlier errors, and self-deprecatingly funny enough to poke fun at himself when giving some dude a smackdown. Us short folks gotta look out for one another, so I'm giving Ken a FOLLOW.


Another national voice giving us the news we want to read is Big League Stew's own "Answer" Dave Brown. Sure, it's a bit gossipy but, personally, all I ever want to read about is where Dusty Baker is eating. I need not implore any Walkoff Walk reader to follow Dave because you already do follow the guy. But a note to anyone who might ever see Dusty Baker at a TGI Friday's or Old Country Buffet: tweet it and let me know!


My favorite writer tweet of the Winter Meetings so far, however, has come from Biz of Baseball's Maury Brown. It just illustrates exactly how awful it must be to attend this confab and why folks like me are just happy to poke fun at those who actually make the effort to attend and report the news. Maury, either pick up some Breathe-RIght strips or smother your roommate with a pillow!


Welcome to the offseason, a veritable wonderland of nonsense for professional baseball players. Some folks head to Arizona to play fall ball; some head down to the Caribbean to play winter ball. But the ones living the life of Riley back at home have nothing better to do than sit on their rumps and play around with their Twitter devices...that's a boon to our wildly popular feature, This Tweet in Baseball. Content, ho!

On with the offseason tweets:

In a stroke of pure irony, Reds rookie pitcher Matt Maloney, a person who is paid to throw a baseball and not to opine on current events, wonders if people care what a dopey guy on a reality show says.



Astros outfielder Hunter Pence, when not walking through a sliding glass door or playing nerd games, likes to buy new gadgets he can experiment with in his kitchen. Turns out he got the Ninja and if he was smart, he'd be getting a tidy promotional gift from the good people at Ninja Juicers. Actually, I recommend the Ninja Juicer, too. For all your juicing needs!



When not blowing saves for the Indians or spending half the season on the disabled list, Jensen Lewis likes to chain-smoke Pall Malls and take naps in tanning beds, just like his hero John Boehner.



Some baseball players spend their hard-earned money going to see other professional athletes play other professional sports. I'm not exactly sure, but I think Coco Crisp is inviting me to go to a Clippers game with him! Oh my oh my oh my! Sure, Coco! Let me just toss some jeans on and...wait a minute...there's not a catch to this offer, is there?



Going on vacation to sunny Orlando is a pretty sweet idea after the playoffs are over. Even guys on teams that didn't even sniff the postseason agree! Indians pitcher Chris Perez knows the score, EPCOT + booze = happy times.



Reds pitcher Sam LeCure wants to dabble in the A&R game during the winter break. He hears a hit single in his head and he'll be damned if Dylan doesn't do it for him. Brilliant idea, Sam, getting a legend to rewrite one of his biggest hits.



Yankees outfielder and erstwhile blogger Curtis Granderson wants to clean up his kitchen and, at the same time, do something charitable. Curtis, I know at least one Yankees fan who would pay money to get actual dishes that the great Curtis Granderson used, no matter how fancy or how used. Call me!



Nationals pitcher Collin Balester is getting back into the social media scene during the offseason, but he'll be darned if Mark Zuckerman's latest tweak to Facebook isn't giving him the business! Dammit, Zuckerman! Fix the fonts so Balester can plant some virtual lima beans on his virtual farm!



And finally, what would an update on baseball players' offseason activities be without an update on Ozzie Guillen's golf game?



Oh, that Ozzie Guillen! Always self-deprecating. And in two different languages, too.

SPECIAL BEAT WRITER TWEET EDITION: You think baseball players are boring on Twitter? Well, have you ever read an entire day's worth of Tweets from a beat writer on a travel day during the playoffs? It's like watching an episode of "The Amazing Race" except without the amazing parts, or the race.

It's the last week of the regular season and our favorite players are doing one of two things: either getting ready for the playoffs or trolling strange cities looking for some good local eats. Or, if you're Paul Maholm, you're watching golf. To each his own, I suppose.

So let's take one last stroll down the boulevard of broken tweets in the latest edition of This Tweet in Baseball!

There was a good deal of uproar about Rays pitcher David Price's tweet complaining about the Rays poor attendance which let Orioles outfielder Adam Jones' missive go unnoticed.


There were actually about 13,000 people at the park, but hey, this is a guy who struck out 118 times this season. It's not his fault his eyesight is garbage.

Pity poor Hunter Pence and his fourth place Astros team. Pence joined Houston a couple years after they won the NL pennant and has yet to drink from the postseason chalice. To add insult to mediocrity, Pence and his teammates probably should have chosen the Cincinnati Marriott instead:


A's pitcher Brad Ziegler has decided not to cross the thin green-and-yellow line this year. He won't post hilarious photos of Oakland's rookies dressed up in what I can only assume are S&M gear and Wonder Woman costumes. Shame. But at least Brad has enough of a sense of humor to share a picture of his own rookie hazing costume.


What is it with MLB rookies oversharing on the Twitters? It seems like all the veteran players on Twitter have some poor schmuck sending out boring social networking missives but the rookies, man the rookies just want so desperately to be loved that they'll tweet anything and everything. Just like Reds hurler Sam LeCure:


But even more than they like talking about hair product, these baseball youngsters simply love talking about food and drink, including our old friend Chris Coghlan, who might be ingesting a bit too much soy during his rehab:


On to Atlanta, where the Florida Marlins just came off a sweep at the hands of the streaking Braves. I don't know who this Giancarlo character is or what he does for fun but I'd sure like him and his sauce to stay as far away from me as possible. Mike Stanton, though, disagrees:


Later, Stanton gets a hankering for a toasty sub sandwich so he whips out his smartphone and dials up the local Quiznos. Because I know when I'm in a strange city, the first thing I want to do for lunch is walk eight blocks away from my hotel and eat a sandwich that will almost instantly induce a case of explosive diarrhea:


Dope lol, indeed. Braves superstar rookie Jason Heyward knows the score in the ATL, though. He doesn't mess around with those nasty sandwiches. Nah, he goes straight for the good stuff:


And finally, Matt Antonelli of the San Diego Padres organization loves shrimp almost as much as we do:




What is left for the pious ballplayer to do, after tearing up his knee during a post-walkoff celebration, than appeal to a higher authority? Aside from taking personal responsibility, I guess nothing.

Everyone's favorite crusader Chris Coghlan jacked up his knee attempting to pie the face of teammate Wes Helms after the Marlins 15th consecutive victory in their final at bat1, earning himself a cool 6-8 week stint on the disabled list.

Way to go Cogz, you've ruined it for the rest of us. We're soon to return to an age of firm handshakes and gentle slaps on the back to commemorate dramatic victories. A return to a bygone era when players were gentlemen and either high on greenies or drunk.

Post-game, the Marlins took the perfectly reactionary and predictable action to BAN shaving cream facials after walkoff victories. Talk about closing the barn door after the horses have already stung the eyes and filled the nostrils.

1 - Figure may not be accurate.

Putting together a weekly roundup of the 140-charactered musings of baseball players is really not as easy a task as one would assume. Simply put: professional athletes are REALLY BORING. Granted, most players aren't even on the Twittersphere. I estimate that under 10% of active rosters are made up of Twooters; chances are that the guys who tweet are the ones with more interesting personalities.

But really, scrolling through page after page of links to press releases, inspirational quotes, and Dirk Hayhurst's inanity makes it really hard to find the real gems. Thank goodness for our go-to guys like Chris Coghlan who are always good for an unintentionally hilarious utterance on a weekly basis. Did anyone really expect a guy whose handle is "Cogz4Christ" to be able to spell "Mecca" correctly?


Brett Anderson fancies himself baseball's own Roger Ebert. Unlike Dan Haren, however, Anderson is mesmerized by the power of film and cannot turn away when his favorite movie comes on. Seriously, he won't even leave the house.


Don't tell Matt Antonelli, but on my recent trip to the West Coast, I walked by no fewer than three In 'N' Out restaurants and not once did I go inside to get me some animal-style vittles. Perhaps he's referring to beat writers when he tells us this.


Hey, Ben Zobrist, that's what she said. Literally, I think he and his wife share a Twitter account.


Scott Boras' best bud, that dastardly coward Jon Heyman, dares to throw our favorite tweeting manager under the bus. Yes, Jon, Ozzie does already know everything, like where to stay when visiting Minneapolis.


When he's not racing cars, throwing gas, or being generally straight-edge (whatever that means), C.J. Wilson is doing the same quotidian tasks that you or I or greaseballs on TV would do because we must.


New Blue Jay Fred Lewis posted a link to some drivel on Bleacher Report but let's not bury him for it. We can all agree with the thesis statement of that piece: Brian Sabean is a horse's patoot. Lord know's Fred agrees.


Ugh, Ian Stewart, people who tweet about where they're eating and what fine wine they are drinking are irritating.


Whomever thought it was a good idea to set up a professional baseball player with a Twitter account deserves our praise and our scorn. We get an equal amount of laughs and groans from this 140-character missives; let's dive headfirst into the miasma and see what the players and other personalities around the baseballtweetosphere have been chatting about lately.

Of course, it's not only baseball players who struggle with the concept of Twitter. Instantly updating your status without proofreading first can get broadcasters and former general managers in trouble, too. Here's the man who salted the fields of the Reds and the Nationals for years to come, XM Radio's own Jim Bowden, congratulating a certain Cleveland Indian slugger for his big week:


White Sox skipper Ozzie Guillen is just like you or me! Even a fancy man like Oz has to sit around his condo waiting for the awful cable company to show up between the hours of 8AM and 3PM, and then spend the entire time twooting about how much he hates Comcast.


Former big league slugger and best-selling author Jose Canseco has been notoriously outspoken in the Tweet-o-sphere but this past week, Jose really went off the reservation. Seriously, if you don't follow Jose, take a gander at the brain droppings of a demented man with a 65 I.Q. It's like taking a peek into the mind of insanity:


Official recording secretary of the Marlins God Squad Chris Coghlan and his buddies were wowed and totally awed by the big city of Houston. Even the taxis are bigger in Texas! All praises be to our lord and savior Jesus the taxi driver!


Speaking of big cities, Texas Rangers pitcher C.J. Wilson had an off-day in NYC after getting walloped by the Yanks so he decided to do what any yokel or Midwestern hausfrau would:


Washington Nationals mascot and nightmare fuel inducer Screech the Eagle is having a birthday party this weekend at Nats Park and is hosting ten of his closest mascot friends to celebrate! Of course, just like in elementary school, sometimes the loser kid in the class doesn't get invited:


Angels right fielder Bobby Abreu may have gotten off to a slow start but at least he (or whoever has been hired to compose his tweets) is funny and self-deprecating about the whole sitch. He's like the Venezuelan baseball player version of Jerry Steinfeld:


And finally, here is your official David Price Sphinxian riddle of the week:


The MLB season rolls on, but where would we be without the random musings of MLB's most loquacious players in the Tweetosphere? Let's take a look at some of these droll, 140-character missives and maybe have a little fun at the expense of talented millionaires:

Pirates pitcher Paul Maholm made headlines with his recent defensive mastery. Unfortunately, the gents at the WWL couldn't pronounce his name properly when reviewing his Web Gem:


Meanwhile, Rangers starter and crunchy bro C.J. Wilson missed his scheduled start last night because of a little case of food poisoning. Good job by Ron Washington to not let Wilson pitch; the last thing the grounds crew needs is to clean up diarrhea on the mound, right Chan Ho?


Oakland A's submariner Brad Ziegler and a select group of his bros hit up the finest Japanese cuisine in the central business district of Seattle. Nothing beats corporate hibachi! And don't fret, poor Tyson Ross didn't have to empty his pocketbook for all those teriyaki shrimps.


John Baker is totally in awe of the twenty-first century. Technology is moving forward at such a speedy rate now that almost every day, something new and exciting happens. Oh, modern life, will you ever cease to amaze John Baker?


Stud Rays pitcher David Price is wise beyond his years. He's like the ancient Sphinx, challenging his followers with riddles so they can use their minds to solve his enigmatic riddles. Friend, see if you can solve the riddle of the Southpaw Sphinx! (and click here for the dumb answer)


Indians pitcher David Huff has a hankering for sushi, a filthy mind, and abrasively curt comic timing. He's like the Dane Cook of rookie pitchers, except talented.


Veteran outfielder Bobby Abreu may be new to Twitter but he's already got this whole micro-blogging social media thing down. Not only does he entertain and excite his followers by Tweeting what he's eating, he also does it bilingually. El Come Dulce, indeed!


Finally, our favorite curmudgeonly old fart Tommy Lasorda isn't letting the early baseball season interfere with his lucrative speaking schedule, and it's no surprise. I hear the SWAT people put out a great spread of antipasto and cheap red wine. Thatsa spicy curveball! Youknowwhaddahemeans?


Opening Day has come and gone, but we can still relive our favorite baseball players' Tweets in the latest edition of This Tweet in Baseball. Please join me in poking fun at people whose job description certainly does not include social media and/or using spelling and grammar properly:

Texas Rangers middle reliever C.J. Wilson wonders why the good people at Twitter took away his 'verified status', making Twitter users worldwide wonder if, indeed, this is the real C.J. Wilson. Here's a hint: if he's talking about weird health foods and silly extreme sports, you know you've got the right guy. Either way: verified status is for closers, C.J.


Padres slugger Matt Antonelli feels the same way I do about former Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler, whose spent the past few days trolling the stands and broadcast booths at Fenway Park. Dude looks like someone's nana.


Marlins sophomore outfielder Chris Coghlan spent the past week getting his Twitter sheep to vote on a new song to play over the PA as he strolls up to the plate to ground out. In a real dick move, he ended up keeping the same one from last year, but the auditioning process was nevertheless quite stringent:


Although Big Papi cannot keep his language safe for children's ears when responding to a-hole reporters in the clubhouse, he keeps it clean when dictating his Tweets and Facebook updates to his personal assistant. David Ortiz is a real team player, hyping the success of his team over his own individual failure to actually collect a hit:


Royals star Billy Butler got a bad haircut so he asked his wife to clean it up with a Flowbee. She really screwed it up, so if you see him walking around looking like it's his first day at Parris Island, you'll know why.


Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda also wanted to neaten up his 'do for Opening Week, but he went to his favorite dago barber in Midtown New York. I do have to agree with Tom, though: Italian barbers are the best. Where else can you get your quiff trimmed, place a bet on a few horse races, and page through the latest issues of Penthouse and Hustler, all in one place?


Marlins catcher John Baker was also in NYC for the week and was very disappointed to find out that his favorite Broadway show was canceled due to an electrical fire down the block. No worries, John took a romantic carriage ride through Central Park with Jorge Cantu instead.


Finally, I know it's not politically correct to poke fun at someone whose first language is not English. I realize that having a laugh at Ozzie Guillen's expense because he made a tiny spelling mistake on a Tweet is probably quite infantile of me. And yes, I get it: I'm just cherry-picking a silly slip-up from an otherwise smart manager to make me look funny. So be it, I couldn't help but laugh:


Professional baseball players get hungry, too, and when they're at their home away from home each spring, they tend to switch from a clubhouse 'gatherer' to a vittles 'hunter'. Some find a single restaurant and stick to it unfailingly for weeks. Others wander the grocery store aisles stalking protein bars. Join me now as we examine the peculiar species as it roams the deserts of Arizona and the swamplands of Florida, sending out 140-charactered electronic dispatches in search of its next meal:

Mark Teahen (or his dog, I'm still not sure who is supposed to be writing these tweets) is pissed that someone ran over his old lady's foot at the Piggly Wiggly. Seriously though, a size 11? You know what they say about chicks with big feet.



Chris Coghlan cares not for your neighborhood rules and regulations. If he wants to char some meats with his Jesus freak friends, he'll do it, consarnit! (Oddly enough, Chris neglected to use multiple exclamation marks in this Tweet)



Either Matt Antonelli's per diem can't cover a $9 burrito on a regular basis or his insides are rejecting the hellish nightmare a constant barrage of pork shoulder, spicy salsa, and pinto beans brings. I guess I just feel bad for Matt's roommate.



Australian import Ryan Rowland-Smith isn't one of those Crocodile Dundee Aussies who sells out and does the whole "that's not a knife" game. Nope, he's more like one of those self-hating Aussies like Heath Ledger that hides his shame behind either hard drugs or a Bloomin' Onion.



Brad Ziegler is either a man after a quality hamburger or trying to get on the board in the Colonel's Scarfing Scribe contest. As an aside, is there any worse compound word in the English language than "lunchmeat"? Can't we all just agree to call them "cold cuts"?



Hippie doofus C.J. Wilson refuses to put any of that processed garbage in his body, maaaaaannnn. No sir, he'll shop at the local crunchy health food store, waste his hard-earned dough, and buy 100% completely natural garbage. Then he'll insult the rest of the clientele. Because he is a horse's patoot.



Either John Baker is referring to Leftovers Cafe, a popular dirty spoon joint in Jupiter, Fla or he's following in the footsteps of Bruce Bochy Bud Black and is embracing the freegan movement.



I don't know who Angels pitcher Rich Thompson is but he seems to enjoy hoagies and grinders made by a former teen tennis sensation. I wonder if that sub shop substitutes oregano with marijuana.



Manic manager Ozzie Guillen has a much more fancy palate than these young, inexperienced, boring ballplayers. When Ozzie's stuck in the middle of a desert for three weeks, he'll do the only thing that makes sense: track down some raw fish.



Lol yessss, indeed.