This Tweet in Baseball: April 2010 Archives

Whomever thought it was a good idea to set up a professional baseball player with a Twitter account deserves our praise and our scorn. We get an equal amount of laughs and groans from this 140-character missives; let's dive headfirst into the miasma and see what the players and other personalities around the baseballtweetosphere have been chatting about lately.

Of course, it's not only baseball players who struggle with the concept of Twitter. Instantly updating your status without proofreading first can get broadcasters and former general managers in trouble, too. Here's the man who salted the fields of the Reds and the Nationals for years to come, XM Radio's own Jim Bowden, congratulating a certain Cleveland Indian slugger for his big week:

White Sox skipper Ozzie Guillen is just like you or me! Even a fancy man like Oz has to sit around his condo waiting for the awful cable company to show up between the hours of 8AM and 3PM, and then spend the entire time twooting about how much he hates Comcast.

Former big league slugger and best-selling author Jose Canseco has been notoriously outspoken in the Tweet-o-sphere but this past week, Jose really went off the reservation. Seriously, if you don't follow Jose, take a gander at the brain droppings of a demented man with a 65 I.Q. It's like taking a peek into the mind of insanity:

Official recording secretary of the Marlins God Squad Chris Coghlan and his buddies were wowed and totally awed by the big city of Houston. Even the taxis are bigger in Texas! All praises be to our lord and savior Jesus the taxi driver!

Speaking of big cities, Texas Rangers pitcher C.J. Wilson had an off-day in NYC after getting walloped by the Yanks so he decided to do what any yokel or Midwestern hausfrau would:

Washington Nationals mascot and nightmare fuel inducer Screech the Eagle is having a birthday party this weekend at Nats Park and is hosting ten of his closest mascot friends to celebrate! Of course, just like in elementary school, sometimes the loser kid in the class doesn't get invited:

Angels right fielder Bobby Abreu may have gotten off to a slow start but at least he (or whoever has been hired to compose his tweets) is funny and self-deprecating about the whole sitch. He's like the Venezuelan baseball player version of Jerry Steinfeld:

And finally, here is your official David Price Sphinxian riddle of the week:

The MLB season rolls on, but where would we be without the random musings of MLB's most loquacious players in the Tweetosphere? Let's take a look at some of these droll, 140-character missives and maybe have a little fun at the expense of talented millionaires:

Pirates pitcher Paul Maholm made headlines with his recent defensive mastery. Unfortunately, the gents at the WWL couldn't pronounce his name properly when reviewing his Web Gem:

Meanwhile, Rangers starter and crunchy bro C.J. Wilson missed his scheduled start last night because of a little case of food poisoning. Good job by Ron Washington to not let Wilson pitch; the last thing the grounds crew needs is to clean up diarrhea on the mound, right Chan Ho?

Oakland A's submariner Brad Ziegler and a select group of his bros hit up the finest Japanese cuisine in the central business district of Seattle. Nothing beats corporate hibachi! And don't fret, poor Tyson Ross didn't have to empty his pocketbook for all those teriyaki shrimps.

John Baker is totally in awe of the twenty-first century. Technology is moving forward at such a speedy rate now that almost every day, something new and exciting happens. Oh, modern life, will you ever cease to amaze John Baker?

Stud Rays pitcher David Price is wise beyond his years. He's like the ancient Sphinx, challenging his followers with riddles so they can use their minds to solve his enigmatic riddles. Friend, see if you can solve the riddle of the Southpaw Sphinx! (and click here for the dumb answer)

Indians pitcher David Huff has a hankering for sushi, a filthy mind, and abrasively curt comic timing. He's like the Dane Cook of rookie pitchers, except talented.

Veteran outfielder Bobby Abreu may be new to Twitter but he's already got this whole micro-blogging social media thing down. Not only does he entertain and excite his followers by Tweeting what he's eating, he also does it bilingually. El Come Dulce, indeed!

Finally, our favorite curmudgeonly old fart Tommy Lasorda isn't letting the early baseball season interfere with his lucrative speaking schedule, and it's no surprise. I hear the SWAT people put out a great spread of antipasto and cheap red wine. Thatsa spicy curveball! Youknowwhaddahemeans?

Opening Day has come and gone, but we can still relive our favorite baseball players' Tweets in the latest edition of This Tweet in Baseball. Please join me in poking fun at people whose job description certainly does not include social media and/or using spelling and grammar properly:

Texas Rangers middle reliever C.J. Wilson wonders why the good people at Twitter took away his 'verified status', making Twitter users worldwide wonder if, indeed, this is the real C.J. Wilson. Here's a hint: if he's talking about weird health foods and silly extreme sports, you know you've got the right guy. Either way: verified status is for closers, C.J.

Padres slugger Matt Antonelli feels the same way I do about former Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler, whose spent the past few days trolling the stands and broadcast booths at Fenway Park. Dude looks like someone's nana.

Marlins sophomore outfielder Chris Coghlan spent the past week getting his Twitter sheep to vote on a new song to play over the PA as he strolls up to the plate to ground out. In a real dick move, he ended up keeping the same one from last year, but the auditioning process was nevertheless quite stringent:

Although Big Papi cannot keep his language safe for children's ears when responding to a-hole reporters in the clubhouse, he keeps it clean when dictating his Tweets and Facebook updates to his personal assistant. David Ortiz is a real team player, hyping the success of his team over his own individual failure to actually collect a hit:

Royals star Billy Butler got a bad haircut so he asked his wife to clean it up with a Flowbee. She really screwed it up, so if you see him walking around looking like it's his first day at Parris Island, you'll know why.

Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda also wanted to neaten up his 'do for Opening Week, but he went to his favorite dago barber in Midtown New York. I do have to agree with Tom, though: Italian barbers are the best. Where else can you get your quiff trimmed, place a bet on a few horse races, and page through the latest issues of Penthouse and Hustler, all in one place?

Marlins catcher John Baker was also in NYC for the week and was very disappointed to find out that his favorite Broadway show was canceled due to an electrical fire down the block. No worries, John took a romantic carriage ride through Central Park with Jorge Cantu instead.

Finally, I know it's not politically correct to poke fun at someone whose first language is not English. I realize that having a laugh at Ozzie Guillen's expense because he made a tiny spelling mistake on a Tweet is probably quite infantile of me. And yes, I get it: I'm just cherry-picking a silly slip-up from an otherwise smart manager to make me look funny. So be it, I couldn't help but laugh: