What's Up, Creampuff?: June 2008 Archives

What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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stretcher.JPGNot too many guys went on the DEEL this week which is great because I'm a little hungover and Creampuff is hard to write.

  • Ian Snell, Pirates: Ever heard of medial epicondylitis? Either had Ian Snell until it's screaming chords of pain came ripping through his right elbow this week landing him on the DL. Make Room For Denny Bautista was the worst TGIF show ever.

  • Shaun Marcum, Blue Jays: Me bragging about how I knew Shaun Marcum was going to have a good season will be delayed for a few weeks. He landed on the DL last weekend and visited Dr. Death, James Andrews. Andrews said no surgery is needed, which is good news for everyone except him because he's putting a new deck on his house.

  • Nick Johnson, Nationals: Johnson looks like he's going to miss the rest of the season after wrist surgery. You have to feel a little bit for the guy who missed all of last season and seemed genuinely excited to get back on the field, even if it was with the Nationals.

Update: Not sure how I missed this one, but Brandon Inge strained his oblique LIFTING A PILLOW. Wow.

Hope that I don't need to mention Camp Tiger Claw this week after his crazy New York week of baseball games, rock concerts, and drinking binges. Creampuff is his baby but I'm takin' over today. Be gentle!

  • Moises Alou, Mets (strained calf): The eternal godfather and king of getting hurt actually just got off the disabled list last Tuesday and even started against the Diamondbacks. Moises got a single, but then the rains came down in Shea and the game was delayed for an hour. When play resumed, Alou was on the bench and three days later was back on the DL for the 8953th time in his career.

  • Chien-Ming Wang, Yankees (torn tendon): The Wanger was running the bases for the first time in years during a Yankee romp over the Astros down in Houston, but he pulled up lame while scoring his first career run. Turns out he messed up his Lisfranc real bad and he'll miss at least ten weeks. Wang is the second Yankee pitcher to introduce the word "Lisfranc" into the Bronx patois this season; Brian Bruney is due to return soon from his own foot ouchie.

  • Paul Konerko, White Sox (strained oblique): He's the anti-Moises Alou as this will be Paul Konerko's first ever trip to the DL. Poor fella hurt himself in a bad way while taking swings during batting practice. I know the fans love 'em but don't try for so many tater tots, Paul! Who's gonna play first in Wrigley this weekend? Thome? Yipes!

  • Brad Penny, Hiroki Kuroda, Dodgers (sore shoulders): Oh shit, it's a double punch in the gut for manager Joe Torre as he loses half of his top-notch rotation for a little bit. Kuroda will probably only miss one start but he'll be replaced by Chan Ho Park, and that's not good for anyone, except maybe the Park family. Penny's pain may be more problematic; he's 0-7 in his last eight starts but still expects to miss just one start.

  • Carlos Zambrano, Cubs: (shoulder discomfort): That sound you hear is Cubs fans everywhere sounding their barbaric yawps over the roofs of the world. Big Z is down but not yet out, although he'll miss his next start.

  • Willie Randolph (DOA): Willie got whacked.

What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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stretcher.JPGSummer is here and baseball's biggest sissies can't take the heat. I'd tell them to get out of the kitchen but they're already gone, sitting on their couch eating bonbons and watching Judge Mathis. He's got soul!

  • Tom Glavine, Braves: Tom Glavine is going back to his favorite chair on the disabled list. The octogenarian corner painter has a strained left elbow. According to that CBC article Glavine is "stylish." What the hell is wrong with you Canadians? Everyone on the Braves wears the same thing. It's called a uniform. But I digress. Who'd have thought having Smoltz and Glavine in your rotation 2008 may not be the best idea?

  • Alfonso Soriano, Cubs: Looks like we got ourselves another two-timer. Fonzie makes his second trip to the Island of Misfit toys with a broken left hand. He drilled a pitch but unfortunately used his wrist. He could be out for up to 6 weeks.

  • Josh Barfield, Victor Martinez, Indians: Welcome back to the big leagues, Josh. Here's a sprained finger for you. He injured himself checking his swing which is a pretty accurate metaphor for the frustrating couple of years poor Barfield has had. Meanwhile Martinez's right elbow is inflamed and he's heading to the Deel. That's what you get for stirring that 5 alarm chili with your bare arm, Vic.

  • Albert Pujols, Adam Wainwright, Cardinals: Bert has a strained left calf that landed him on the Deel and he's expected to miss at least 3 weeks. This is terrible news for the Cardinals because they are just waiting to suck and this could be the tipping point. Well, that or their ace, Wainwright, going down with a sprained middle finger. If you had "sprained finger" in this week's Creampuff pool, please bring your ticket up to the stage. You're a winner!

What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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stretcher.JPG There was a time when I was so broken hearted. Love wasn't much of a friend of mine. The tables have turned, because me and those ways have parted. That kind of love was the killing kind. The word out on the street is that these pansies are on the disabled list.

  • David Ortiz, Red Sox: It appears that Ortiz will not need surgery on his wrist, which should help to quiet some Red Sox fans that were squealing like hysterical women. He just needs rest and immobilization. He should go talk to Schilling about that.

  • John Smoltz, Braves: Smoltz came back for one game then his shoulder caught on fire or something. He's now submitting to season, not career, ending surgery. It will be a sad day when Smoltzy hangs em up but I know he won't leave our lives completely. For some reason I have a totally unfounded hunch that he could be a really good host of "This Old House."

  • Jake Westbrook, Indians: Jakey caught the elbow soreness. I believe it was commenter Chief Wahoo who once asked "CTC, why do you hate Jake Westbrook so much?" I guess it's a combination of 3 things.

    A. He sucks at pitching.
    2. He's always hurt now.
    III. He makes a ton of money.

    Only once in his career has he posted an ERA under four.

  • Vlad Guerrero, Scot Shields, Angels: These ones may turn out to be nothing but this article sounded so mysterious: "Angels' Vladimir Guerrero, Scot Shields to undergo medical tests" It's reminiscent of ekg meters and petri dishes. Vlad is having right knee problems and Shields has something rattling around in his rib cage. According to the Orange County Register, "it wouldn't be surprising if "one or the other" lands on the disabled list." But they also said sitting traffic makes you better looking.

  • Carlos Pena, Rays: Pena hit the DL with a fractured left index finger. Since he's a lefty this probably means he won't be able to do a certain something with his dominant hand. If you do that certain something with your offhand it feels like a strange old man is doing it. At least that's what I heard on a Henry Rollins spoken word CD once. Also, Pena would have been useless in last night's brawl

  • Ryan Zimmerman, Nationals: After playing all 162 games last year, Zimmerman is landing on the DEEL after tearing his left labrum on a slide into second base. Zimmerman took the injury as an opportunity to talk about how much he loves the game. "I want to play here for a long time, and there's no reason to go out and do something to make it worse." By "here" he must have meant "earth" because no one can like playing for the Nats.