What's Up, Creampuff?: August 2008 Archives

What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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stretcher.JPGDoes it hurt when I press here? No, ok. Here? Here? Here? Ok. Now pretend you're a baseball player. Does it hurt now? STOP CRYING AND ANSWER THE QUESTION. HOW CAN I LOOK AT YOUR HANGNAIL IF YOU'RE IN THE FETAL POSITION?

  • Josh Beckett, Red Sox: The Sox ace has been scratched from tonight's start against Chicago and put on the MLB shuttle bus that goes to James Andrews' office. I'm not positive, but i think Andrews has had his name appear on this site more than anyone except Corey Patterson. The Red Sox are saying only that he has discomfort in his elbow. Times are tough all around, pal.

  • JD Drew, Red Sox: JD's lower back strain has landed him on the 15 Day. It's better news for the club than initial reports he had a herniated disc. Get well soon, silent hick warrior.

  • Howie Kendrick, Angels: Kendrick is back on the deel with the same hamstring inury that had him there earlier this season. Kid has had a truly difficult time staying healthy in his young career. As the LA Times points out in that story, wasn't the Angels' big lead supposed to prevent this sort of thing from happening? SCOOOOSCIAAAAAA GET IN HERE.

  • John Maine, Mets: Maine's sore shoulder had been nagging him for a couple weeks and the Mets put him on the DL. That Newsday column says they're "giving him a rest," perhaps trying to imply the injury is not that serious. Yeah, except that they're in one of the tightest races in baseball. I imagine the inside of his shoulder probably looks like goulash if he has to sit for two weeks.

What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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stretcher.JPGLots to get to this week. Guys are wearing down, guys are getting drilled in the face with fastballs, and several little leaguers were found tied up in the trunk of Iracane's Monte Carlo. Tough time to a baseball player. On to the weakest!

  • Jerry Hairston, Jr., Reds: Hairston has managed to avoid much of our fair site's Reds wrath. Unfortunately he wasn't able to dodge a vengeful god and caught the hamstring blues. Now he's on the DL. And the 15 day disabled list.

  • Mitch Maier, Royals: This one was not funny. Maier got cracked in the face with a fastball and broke his nose and various other bones. There is video here for you brave souls that wanna watch it. Dude's nose was still bleeding 24 hours later.

  • Ryan Braun, Brewers: Braun has a nagging rib injury that isn't bad enough to land him on the DL, but has still kept him out of the starting lineup for the majority of the past two weeks. He doesn't think it's going to go away and says he can play through it. Which is nice and all, except he isn't, you know, playing through it. Take a DL break, buddy.

  • Billy Wagner, Mets: When Wags hit the DL this week with more pain and swelling in his elbow, some reports said he could be lost for the year. That's recently been amended to three weeks. Wagner, said he was "surprised" it would take that long. Yeah, me too. I can't believe the Mets have such patience in getting you back for the 9th inning.

  • Sean Gallagher, Justin Duchscherer, A's: The former has shoulder fatigue and the latter is having hip troubles. Both are on the deel, leading to an all lefty A's rotation. Quirky! As much flack as Beane gets for trading guys heading into their prime, he's gotta be sorry he couldn't dump Duch earlier this season. His career year is partly due to a ridiculously low BABIP, and now his hip is disintegrating like Wilford Brimley.

  • Ian Kinsler, Rangers: Kinsler is out with the dreaded sports hernia. He's feeling better after surgery but this is a notoriously tough injury to recover from. Much more so than a checkers hernia or painting hernia.

Emergency Creampuff: Guys That Got Hurt This Weekend

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stretcher.JPGThis weekend was chock full o' casualties. So many guys dropped, IT'S STARTING TO LOOK LIKE A MASH UNIT. Maybe they all want shirts. Anyway, I wanted to round em up now so I don't forget about em by Friday.

  • Orlando Hudson, Diamondbacks: O-Dog has a dislocated left paw and has to have surgery to repair it. It's his second consecutive season ending injury. I just hope they don't have to put him to sleep.

  • Tim Wakefield, Red Sox: Wake looks to miss at least his next two starts. The Sox put him on the DL with stiffness in his throwing shoulder. It sounds scary but it's a recurrence of the same ailment that kept him out of the World Series last year. Remember that? They played the Rockies! I know, weird.

  • Carlos Lee, Astros: El Caballo (which means El Horse in Spanish) looks to miss the rest of the season with a broken pinky. OH MAN THEY WERE ABOUT TO MAKE THEIR RUN, JUST ASK ED WADE. I just hope they don't have to put him to sleep.

  • Jose Contreras, White Sox: Contreras ruptured his Achilles on a rather innocuous looking play down the first base line. Since no one is sure how old he is, and this is a notoriously difficult injury to rehab there is speculation this mark the end of his career. God Speed Jose Contreras. I just mourn the fact that you never got an appropriately cool nickname.

  • Carl Crawford, Rays: Crawford spent last week in and out of the lineup with leg problems, now he officially heads to the DL after injuring a tendon in his middle finger. This could make it extremely tough to drive in Florida, trust me. Uh oh Rays fans... it's all coming apart!

  • Scott Rolen, Blue Jays: Rolen's balky left shoulder balked again and he was placed on teh 15 Day DL. He went out the same day Vernon Wells returned to the lineup. Those close to the organization expect Wells to be ready to return to the DL once Rolen returns to the lineup.

What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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stretcher.JPGThis week each one of our lucky invalids gets a free shirt. Not really, because they're millionaires and they should buy their own. Plus they've got nothing else to do but surf the net, and you probably shouldn't watch porn if you have rotator cuff tendinitis.

  • Rafael Soriano, Braves: Soriano hits the DL for the third time this season with right elbow problems. What really should worry Braves fans is that this time, Raffi picked up his banana phone and called Dr. Death, James Andrews. Methinks this won't be the last time you'll hear his name today.

  • Mark Grudzielanek, Royals: Mark looks like he's done for the season with a torn ankle ligament. All ligaments are important, but in particular the one that keeps your foot on your leg. There's video of the injury in that link. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, G. LOAD.

  • Joba Chamberlain, Yankees: Joba's arm injury caused more hand wringing in New York than a money manager's poodle being dropped out of a penthouse window. Thank jeebus it was only rotator cuff tendinitis and not a tear. Joba's stuff is electric, no doubt but you have to wonder if durability issues are going to force the Yankees' hand into making him a closer.

  • Adam Jones, Orioles: Jones was really start to come into his own as the season progressed, I'm sure much to the chagrin of Seattle. For some unknown reason the baseball gods thought it would be funny for Jones to break his foot in a game against those very Mariners. Seattle is a black hole of misery this summer. Don't go near it.

  • Billy Wagner, Mets: The much maligned closer was put on the DL with a sore forearm. Ready, go. Worse bullpen, Tigers or Mets? Both have been lousy and have seen matters made both better AND worse by recent injuries to their over the hill closers. I report, you decide.

Store Update: What's Up Creampuff Shirt

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creampuffshirt.pngBy popular demand, it's here. We made a T-Shirt for fans of illness, injury and general misfortune. It's the Walkoff Walk Creampuff shirt. Featuring a dope contrast silhouette created by graphic designing whiz, Ryan Pritchard, the shirt features that poor bastard on the stretcher and is available for dudes and dames in about 10 different colors.

Get 'em before Mike Hampton buys em all.

(Note: Graphic is way sharper in the actual store and in real life than in this picture. Size constraints.)

What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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stretcher.JPGThe losses are piling up. You can't get back on the field long enough to help. It's frustrating you to the point that it's not just affecting your game, but it's souring your personal relationships. You know things would be right again if you could just shake this one nagging injury. You've still got it. All you want is a chance to be healthy and prove it. Then some dipshit with an alias calls you a creampuff.

  • Todd Jones, Tigers: Apparently Todd has been pitching with pain in his shoulder for the past few weeks. What a warrior! Letting his pain diminish his effectiveness instead of just telling the team and going on the DL. His MRI revealed no structural damage, just inflammation and tendinitis. I hope this doesn't affect his commenting.

  • Nomar Garciaparra, Dodgers: Despite what Rob would have you believe, the Dodgers did have a shortstop last week. His name was Nomar. He is a few steps slower than his prime but he's familiar with the position. He'd been playing with competence but sustained a mild MCL sprain. He's not on the DL yet, just day to day. It's ok, Manny will rub Sportscreme on it. Or frosting. Manny can't tell the difference.

  • Alexi Casilla, Twins: Kid was a sparkplug at second for the Twins until tearing the ligament in his right thumb. You see this type of injury all the time in Xtreme Hitchhiking but rarely in baseball. Superstar Adam Everett gets the nod at 2B. If Casilla opts for surgery, his season is over.

  • John Maine, Mets: Maine has a strained rotator cuff. Scariest part of the story for Mets fans?

    "After last night's game, Pedro Martinez provided a chilling assessment of the injury. Martinez finally had rotator-cuff surgery at the end of the 2006 season, despite pitching with the problem for years. And when told how Maine described his own pain on Monday, Martinez nodded."

    Uh ohs. Will Pedro have company under the mango tree?

  • Khalil Greene, Padres: This moron fractured his hand punching a storage chest. It's a vicious cycle. The pills make you punch storage chests and break your hand, but you have to take the pills so your hand heals. Greene says he was frustrated at his poor showing at the plate this year. This is what San Diego gets for hiring a storage chest as hitting coach.