What's Up, Creampuff?: September 2008 Archives

What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Are Hurt On Teams That Matter

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So this weekend is shaping up to be total mess with a tie in the AL Central and that Philly/Mets/Crew boondoggle in the NL. It would be kind of pointless for me to do the usual focusless rundown of wimps, whiners and weenies. So instead I'll just be pointing out the Marys from teams that have either clinched a playoff spot or are in the hunt this weekend.

Boston Red Sox

  • Mike Lowell: Lowell took batting practice yesterday, and says he's ready to return tonight against the Yankees. While he'll probably just DH, inserting his bat back into the lineup will mitigate some of the struggles that players like Jed Lowrie and Mark Kotsay are having. But Lowell looked to be in excruciating pain the last time he was on the field so I still have to imagine his contributions for October are tentative at best.

  • JD Drew: Drew received an epidural this week which I thought was something only pregnant ladies got. He was in serted into the starting lineup for the first time since August 17. He's also a day to day proposition.

Tampa Bay Rays:

  • Carl Crawford: Any blogger that continues to call the Rays a "feel good story" should be fined. That being said, there sure have been lots of sunshine and rainbows for the team, but Carl Crawford's 2008 has certainly not been one of the highlights. He had one of the poorest seasons of his career production wise, and then had surgery on his hand in August. He was not cleared to take batting practice and is unlikely to play in the divisional round. Crawford is as close to "Mr. Ray" as anyone that's ever played for them, so it's a real bummer he won't be out on the field when they finally get to the postseason.

Minnesota Twins

  • Kevin Slowey: Slowey took a line drive off of the wrist in last night's start. X-rays came back negative, but did reveal a deep bruise. Ah, who need's their wrist to pitch anyway? Suck it up.

Chicago White Sox:

  • Carlos Quentin: It still appears a longshot that Quentin will be activated for the divisional round, but this week he took on a "heavy workload" in the cage and his wrist responded well. If he does get back on the field, it totally changes the way the White Sox chances are viewed in any series.

Los Angeles Angels:

  • Howie Kendrick, Chone Figgins: Kendrick returned from the DL this week, playing a few innings in two separate contests. The club will have a close eye on his exploding hammy. Figgins also returned this week after elbow problems.

  • Joe Saunders: GAAAAH! SAUNDERS IS BACK AFTER PASSING A KIDNEY STONE. GAAAH!!

New York Mets

Philadelphia Phillies:

  • No siginficant injuries.

Chicago Cubs

Milwaukee Brewers

  • Ben Sheets: Sheets is "up in the air" for his start this week which sounds like it would be against the rules. That's why they lowered the mound, right? Wait and see.

Los Angeles Dodgers

  • Nomar Garciaparra: Is on the Dodgers.

  • Jeff Kent: Kent is struggling to do anything but hit while rehabbing a knee injury. That would be fine if he played in the AL, but in the NL it could keep him off the playoff roster.

  • Rafael Furcal: Furcal was activated off the DL this week. He hadn't played since Cinco De Mayo, with back problems.

What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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stretcher.JPGGather round children, for What's Up Creampuff is getting as old and creaky as the milquetoasts it chronicles. After today's installment there will be but one more time I can parade these invalids through the Walkoff Walk town square in an orgy of mocking, riducule and hyperlinks to newspaper stories. So savor this one kids. Savor the sweet, sweet pain.

  • Daniel Cabrera, Orioles: The O's big righty is getting shut down with a strain in his elbow. Kid was due to be the next big thing but struggled with his control so much, that people kind of gave up. Well they left too soon because this year he... oh. His WHIP actually went up while his K/9IP went down. Still had a more productive year than Erik Bedard.

  • Mike Lowell, Red Sox: Lowell's torn hip thing pulled him out of the lineup for the last game in Tampa. He woke up feeling worse yesterday but still traveled with the team to Toronto. The doctor's think he'll be able to play through it. But let's keep in mind, this is his doctor.

  • Jeff Francis, Taylor Buchholz, Rockies: How poorly did Rockies GM Dan O'Dowd mishandle his talent this year. Granted, the NL West was asstrocious, but O'Dowd made Ed Wade look like a pessimist by not dealing anyone this year. Not that Francis or Buchholz were discussed as going anywhere, but I needed to get that off my chest. Francis and Buchholz are both being shut down.

  • Shutdown, The Band: Still tough guys. No creampuffs here.

  • Nomar Garciaparra, Dodgers: Nomar took a spill and sprained his knee. Things look ok, and he should be ready this weekend, but I have to put him in Creampuff no matter what. It's in my contract.

  • Ben Sheets, Brewers: The Crew is unsure of Sheets' availability which translates to: "If we lose all of our games until his next start, he's out for the year. If we win them all he'll pitch all 9." So my guess is medically, he's fine, but stay tuned.

  • Damion Easley, Mets: This one is kind of sad. Easley tore his quad and is pessimistic about his chances to return this year. He's been in the league for FIFTEEN YEARS without playing in a postseason game, the longest active streak of its kind. So if the Mets make it but he's on the bench, he'll be in Frowntown.

  • Carl Pavano, Yankees: Pavano left the game last weekend to a chorus of boos, but is apparently on track to make his start today. What could possibly go wrong?

  • Erik Patterson, A's: Patterson, a member of WoW's Royal Family, is out for the rest of the season with a strained right hamstring that he injured on the basepaths. He probably did it after taking a base on balls.

  • Rick Ankiel, Cardinals: Ankiel is having hernia surgery today. In his honor, please watch this. 2:37 FTW.

  • Shaun Marcum, Blue Jays: Marcum has some sort of mystery arm ailment that could potentially put next year in jeopardy. THE CURSE OF CTC IS REAL.

What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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stretcher.JPGWhat is it that I like so much about the Fall? Well, I live in New England, and for it's burtal Winters and muddy crappy Springs, the area is rewarded with an Autumn that is the most beautiful time to be anywhere. No area matches up to a season so well. Also, it's the arrival of baseball's postseason. And since I'm not an Orioles fan, that gets me excited! All of these things add up to making fall my favorite season hands down. If any of the following bitchsticks need me to push them around in their iron lungs to see the foliage, I'd be obliged.

  • Paul Konerko, White Sox: Paulie sprained his MCL and is day to day and stuff like that. Psst. Paul. If you come back sooner than expected.... mail me your pills.

  • Brandon Phillips, Reds: Brandon Phillips had his own Bill Brasky moment No he didn't eat a homeless person on a dare, but he did break his index finger while driving in the winning run against the Brewers. The bit of heroics landed has led the Reds to shut down his season. But, in a year where highlights were few for this club, I'm sure it was worth it. TO BILL BRASKY!

  • Jim Johnson, Orioles: Johnson has what is being referred to as an "impingement" in his right shoulder. To me this sounds like a legal term so perhaps they should subpoena the thing out of his shoulder then file a restraining order. In any case, he's being shut down.

  • Gabe Kapler, Brewers: Mr. Kotter tore an undisclosed muscle in his right shoulder. I'm guessing it was due to a court ordered impingement. His season is over. The big question on everyone's mind is will he retire again and go back to mana.....zzzzzzzz

  • Fred Lewis, Giants: Grandpa Munster is missing the rest of the season because he's having a bunion removed from his foot. Wow that's nasty. But maybe you could use this as an opportunity to broach the subject with your wife so she'll do the same.

  • Troy Glaus: Um... Tootie from the Facts of Life? Anyway, Glaus has tendinitis in his shoulder making this the week of the shoulder. You know what that means! The 10th caller at 1-800-WALK-OFF wins a cider braised pork shoulder!

What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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stretcher.JPGHslllsssssssssssss... ouch. Oh man. Shit. Hslllsssssssssssss... Ow. Man. Dammit. Hslllsssssssssssss... Hslllsssssssssssss. Shit. Get away. Get away. Ouch. Hslllsssssssssssss. Stubbed my toe. Hslllsssssssssssss.

  • Jered Weaver, Angels: Jered Weaver is making it on the Freak Injury of the Year ballot after cutting his hand open on the bench. "I went to push to get up and gripped where the staples in the upholstery come together, and it just got me." Ouch. Reminds me of that one time I got stung on the ass by a bee because I sat on it.

  • Jeremy Guthrie, Orioles: Guthrie has been scratched from his next start due to arm fatigue. Too much Wii/Guitar Hero/masturbation for him! Now with the Tired Arm Joke Generator, you too can write a sports blog!

  • Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox: Youkilis has been battling back spasms all week and a is a game time decision tonight in Texas. The downtime has allowed Tim Naehring to settle comfortably into his new apartment in Youk's goatee.

  • Carlos Zambrano, Rich Harden, Cubs: Shh. Harden's troubles are a secret. The Cubs were hoping no one would notice his start being pushed back. Zambrano had an MRI which revealed some inflammation and he promptly received a dose of cortisone. AND SUNSHINE.

  • Carlos Quentin, Ken Griffey, White Sox: Quentin has forearm stiffness and Griff has back stiffness. Now with the Erection Joke Generator, you too can write a sports blog!

  • Jesus Flores, Nats: The Washington cather got messed up good by Chutley. Chase Utley: environmentalist and cannonballing asshole.

Watch on Monday for a very very special edition of Creampuff from a guest author who writes much better than I do!