What's Up, Creampuff?: October 2008 Archives

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It's time to get the scalpel and surgical mask out of your sex toy basket and head with me to the OR. Baseball players are getting carved up left and right. DIBS ON THE DRUMSTICK.

  • Mike Lowell, Red Sox: Hip surgery coming Monday.

  • Ken Griffey Jr., White Sox: Ken is getting his knee scoped by Dr. Tim Kremchek. KREMCHEK! GET IN HERE! Send cards to his mom.

  • Travis Hafner, Indians: This knuckle dragging jamook had arthroscopic shoulder surgery. Must be from all the knuckle dragging, lol+1.

  • Albert Pujols, Cardinals: You ever notice how in "Every Breath You Take" it sounds like Sting says "Albert Pujols aaaches with every step yoooou take." I noticed it his rookie year. It was actually the first thing I thought of when I heard his name. Really. Anyway, he had elbow surgery this week. So now he really does ache.

What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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creampuffshirt.jpgI'm sick of jinxing Mike Lowell in this space, so this week it's an all non-playoff Creampuff. Which is hilarious because there's a Cubs player on here.

  • Mariano Rivera, Yankees: Sandman had a calicfied joint in his shoulder shaved off. No word on if the surgery was done by Derek Jeter with a Gilette Fusion while Tiger Woods and Roger Federer stood by in queer black suits. Rivera is expected to be throwing again in about 3 months. SO ARE THE REST OF THE YANKEES. LOL +1

  • Omar Vizquel, Lonely: Omar Vizquel had an old guy surgery that 'Im pretty sure I've used as a punchline here before. Homey had laser eye surgery. Teehee. To compound matters, Brian Sabean says there is "zero" chance the Giants will bring him back next year. There may still be a market in the NL for a shortstop that wears these. So don't fret, yet Omar.

  • Carlos Marmol, Cubs: This week on Carlos & Cousins Carlos and one of the cousins get t-boned by a pickup truck! Arooogah! That's gonna leave a mark! Or just what Marmol is calling an "inflammation" on his head. Maybe he should rub these on it.

  • Ambiorix Burgos, Mets: I'm just gonna copy and paste from the ESPN injury report on this one: "Comment: Burgos (elbow) will be jailed for three months while he awaits trial for a hit-and-run accident that killed two women, the Associated Press reports." That is one dangerous elbow injury.

What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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  • Carlos Pena, Rays: Pena left Tampa's game yesterday with blurry vision, the result of him accidentally scratching his eye. I told him not to grow his nails out, but he was adamant about learning classical guitar. Something about the rhythm of the Pyrenees or something like that.

  • Johan Santana, Mets: Santana's stellar second half looks even more amazing now in light of him having knee surgery this week. Yo had a torn meniscus this whole time. That... is impressive. I had knee surgery this past winter and I had to hire someone on craigslist to cut my food for me.

  • Ben Sheets, Brewers: Sheets is out for the rest of the playoffs with a torn muscle in his arm. It's really not as severe as it sounds though. I mean he'll only miss one game. Eat a canned ham, Brewers fans.

  • Terry Steinbach, A's: Raped by a wallaby.