What's Up, Creampuff?: February 2009 Archives

What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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What you think just because I'm all up in locker rooms this week talkin' to players I'm going to go easy on all the wimps in the league? No way. None of these guys actually read us. Once they start I'm discontinuing this feature.

  • Kerry Wood, Indians: Who guessed "before the damn season even started" for when Mark Shapiro would begin to doubt Carl Pavano and Kerry Wood as his two key offseason acquisitions? It's not a major injury but any time one of these guys shows up on Creampuff (this time it's Wood's back) Shapiro is going to gulp.

  • Boof Bonser, Twins: Boof and his agent are hotter then a two dollar pistol about those knuckleheads in the Twins organization waiting until now to recommend surgery for the pitcher. It's a year long rehab! If you guys had seen this coming a year ago he'd be ready by now! Oh wait he was pitching a year ago. And feeling great.

  • Alfredo Amezaga, Marlins: Scheduled to play in the WBC, AA "tweaked his knee" which I think means that his knee is addicted to meth. First it destroys our small towns and rural communities, then it comes for our joints. It's a disease, people.

  • Vernon Wells, Blue Jays: Wells strained his left hamstring and will probably miss a couple of weeks. Wells said that when he had this injury last year he was able to start hitting pretty soon afterwards. Is that supposed to make people feel better?

  • Ryan Feierabend, Mariners: Ligament damage in his pitching arm spells season ending Ryan Feierabend Surgery for Ryan Feierabend.

  • Milton Bradley, Cubs: Bradley left his exhibition game against the Brewers yesterday with tightness in his quad. Milton explained it by saying "when you work out hard you get tight." Everytime I work out hard I just get thrown out of the YMCA. I should start wearing looser shorts.

  • Grady Sizemore, Indians: Sizemore is pulling out of the WBC with a strained groin. This is not good for the USA's Classic chances, since the only other CFs on the roster are Willie Mays and Super Dave Osborne.

What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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Players are doin' stuff! Playing light catch. Running some easy foul poles. Stretching. You know, the kind of pansy stuff that works out all the cobwebs that built up while they were sitting around drinking Bud Light and customizing their trucks all Winter. Even though a dead retarded monkey could handle the first week of camp, some guys are still all laid up with new injuries. Welcome to your first Creampuff of the '09 Season.

  • Alex Romero, Snakes: Romero got hit by a pitch in Venezuela and will miss about two weeks after X-Rays revealed a fracture. I wonder if "hit by a pitch" is code for "campaigned against the term limit referendum."

  • JD Drew, Red Sox: Florida State Seminole JD Drew had complained last week that the back pain that interrupted his 2008 season was still kind of a problem. Now he says that it's nothing to really worry about and he won't be missing any workouts or time. And people say Doan's doesn't work. Ha!

  • Jeff Francis, Rockies: Jeff Francis showed up at Rockies camp just to tell them he's gonna have shoulder surgery and miss the whole year. Yet he still has no problem breaking up with girls via text.

  • Aaron Miles, Cubs: Raped by a wallaby.

  • Toby Hall, Astros: Hall has been shut down until doctors can find the source of his shoulder pain. The Astros are concerned because, "Humberto Quintero, J.R. Towles and Rule 5 pick Lou Palmisano are the others fighting for the two catcher's slots on the roster." Wasn't J.R. Towles supposed to be good?

  • Mike Hampton, Astros: Mike Hampton was sent home last week with an irregular heartbeat, but everything was deemed ok. Why is he appearing on Creampuff then? Don't blame me, it's the law.

  • Boof Bonser, Twins: Bonser has an MRI set for Monday to get to the bottom of his sore shoulder. A source told me that he started applying deodorant with a hammer this offseason, so that could be part of it.

  • Adrian Beltre, Yuniesky Betancourt, Mariners: Beltre has a sore shoulder and Betancourt has a stiff hamstring. Hear all about it on Geoff Baker LIVE! even though "If people want to act like imbeciles, I can't walk into their living rooms and tell them to grow up."

  • Mike Maroth, Blue Jays: Maroth is going to try and pitch with a torn meniscus. I'm already predicting this to be the worst, and only, 2/3 of an inning Maroth will pitch all year.