What's Up, Creampuff?: January 2011 Archives

What's Up, Creampuff: A Feature That Finally Died

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When Rob and I first started we had a couple convoluted ideas for recurring features. All the ladies in the house that remember Tavern Talking Points say HAAAAAAAAY. But as we were advised by our peers and would find out on our own later, these things can't be forced. And what would become the first, and one of the longest running, features was What's Up, Creampuff.. Like 95% of the things I wrote it started as a whimsical and mildly newsy one off where I insulted baseball players. For sensitivity's sake I used a picture of a random guy being loaded onto an ambulance via gurney. It stuck.This poor dude's suffering become blog iconic. And a t-shirt. Sorry, man.

Like everything we were amazed that people read it and more than anything else in the early days, Creampuff helped inform my writing style. I wrote variations of the word "dude" a lot, used all caps too much and turned medical/baseball talk into beatnik slang. Always remember that it's longer to type "deel" than "DL" but shorter to say. I also libeled dozens of middling journeymen by saying they were raped by wallabies. Still my favorite tag. The feature prompted one of our earliest, longest and strangest guest pieces, Will Carroll's LSD-Noir epic, Picking The Historical Creampuff. Though he tabs Jose Canseco (there goes that man again!) as the All Time Creampuff, the piece is notable for its inclusion of Mark Fidrych just about one year before he died under his dump truck. WILL CARROLL IS A WITCH.

When you've finally wasted so much time in your office that you have literally nothing else good to look at on the internet (and trust me, that day is coming) I hope you'll peruse these here WoW archives. If you do, I think you'll find that Creampuff retires with a pretty high Joke Per Word Typed percentage. Maybe you'll be able to use some good ones to make fun of your sick/injured friends/relatives. But for now, let's get all empirical on that ass as we find the ALL-TIME WALKOFF WALK CREAMPUFF by combing the entire category link and counting names...

Okay this is taking way too long and I have no idea how to actually do it in a reasonable manner. But I can speculate with some degree of certainty that the first name that appears the most is "Carlos."